The Strawberry and The Fishcake
by Uncle Joe
Summary: Formely The Maelstorm and the Guardian renamed. Naruto Bleach Crossover. Naruto continuing on centuries after his love ones have died decides to spice up his existence by walking in a new world and which world is that, why Bleach of course. Harem lemons..
1. Chapter 1

The Maelstorm and the Guardian…original name the Strawberry and the Fishcake

This is a Naruto Bleach crossover, the idea of traveling to different worlds and not aging was borrowed from Shiroi Usagi-San's story Phase, with his permission of course. Now bare in mind please this is not my first fic but is my first bleach fic, I only watch the anime specifically the English anime so please don't blame me if the characters do or say things they normally wouldn't, just PM me about it and I will do what I can. On that note please remember this is a fanfiction so I can do whatever I want with it really but I want to stick to the story as best I can so if you spot a flaw help me out.. Thank you.

I do not own Naruto or Bleach they belong to their respective owners

THIS IS THE THIRD REWRITE THE FIRST FIXED SOME MINOR MISTAKES THIS ONE FIXES PAGE BREAKS, I HAD THEM BEFORE BUT THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP SO I'VE FIXED THAT PROBLEM.

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Naruto grimaced as he ran through the forest following the sounds of a woman's screams, he didn't rightly remember how long ago he had staked out this forest as his domain _'was it five hundred years ago, five hundred and fifty?' _it didn't matter, in his twenty first year he had gained the ability to use all of Kyuubi's chakra, the demonic chakra too this day continued to increase his chakra reserves and the side effects of using it were considerably lessened. Kyuubi's soul was in his stomach with it had come unexpected side affects. Immortality and eternal youth, he didn't know if he was invincible but he clearly remembered being decapitated at least once before. He dismissed his thoughts as he caught sight of a clearing and what was in that clearing filled him with rage.

Yuki whimpered in fear as the five men surrounded her in the Guardian forest, she knew why they had taken her she was considered the most beautiful maiden in the entire village. Long silky black hair, dark brown eyes a angelic face skin like ivory and very generous curves, 18 and a virgin turning down men left right and centre and now her virtue was going to be taken by force by _'some disgusting old evil bastards' _what frightened her most was the fact they where in the guardian forest. Her family believed the old tails that an ancient being lived in the forest and would kill all who violated its sanctuary, though it did take pity on people. She remembered when she was a kid a group of boys had gotten lost in the forest, they where found three days later perfectly health and claiming they had been fed and led out of the forest by an 'angel'. Where as a few who made it out of the forest after deliberately trespassing claimed they saw a 'demon' or some kind of fierce beast or animal that would growl from the shadows in warning and then attack any who persisted.

So that's why she froze when she heard a rustle of leaves and a growl coming from behind her. "Hey, Hey Carl whazat sound me just heard?" asked one of the doomed men (lets face their dead already they just don't know it yet) "I dunno probably some animal forget it I wanna make this pretty little thing scream". Yuki's eyes widened and tears began to stream down her face, she froze when she heard a whisper "close your eyes and keep them closed" she didn't know why but she obeyed instantly. She felt something large move past her as she listened to what was going on around her.

"HEY WHOS THIS GUY?"

"YEAH BEAT IT BLONDIE"

"I am your death" spoke a voice it was so quiet and calm and deadly yet held a deep and mature quality that Yuki found slightly arousing even in her current situation.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT I'LL KILL YO-AHHHHHH"

Yuki almost opened her eyes as the screaming began, she heard her attackers try to run but they stopped suddenly followed be screams and wet flesh sounds as they fell to the ground obviously dead. She was shivering in fear and screamed when arms wrapped around her hoisting her into a bridal carry. The events of the night where too much as she passed out unknowingly in her saviors arms.

Naruto grinned slightly as he carried the unconscious woman in his arms _'hmm she's 18 I guess and she smell's nice pure, my guess would be she's a virgin what you think fuzz butt?'_

"**Well I think you could have some fun with her before we leave, I finally figured out how to do that world teleportation thing so we can do it tomorrow or whenever"**

'_hmm sounds good, oh where home chat later fox'_

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Yuki woke up remembering her horrible nightmare, then she looked around "Where the hell?" she said out loud as she realized she was in apparently nicely furnished cave.

"Oh your in my home"

Yuki screamed whipped around a froze, she stared and stared at the man who had spoke not realizing the slight amount of drool making its way down her chin or the growing dampness between her legs. She liked what she saw, the man behind her had to be a solid six foot six maybe even taller and appeared to be about twenty or twenty one in age he had a chiseled face that was extremely handsome, however six long perfectly positioned scars on his cheeks gave his face a feral quality. He had long blonde hair with blood red tips that reached down to the small of his back and electric blue eyes. He wore a sleeveless vest which was open in the front displaying an impressive set of muscles. Yuki snapped out of it not because he said something but because her body made her do something, moan with desire. She was utterly mortified when the man chuckled seemingly pleased with her reaction.

"You okay now hime, no lasting damage I hope?" she shook her head not trusting her voice.

"Incase your wondering what happened, I saved you from those men" her eyes widened as she stared at his face not catching a hint of deception "why did I save you? Its quite simple really this is my forest" it took her a few seconds to register what he had said and then her eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. She had been saved by the famous and fabled guardian.

She passed out.

She awoke again a few minutes later and stared at the man who was currently facing away from her, _'okay what to do'_

Just then her inner pervert came into being '_lets reward him eh?'_

'_WHA-WHAAAT!!!! I can't do that I'm a virgin'_

'_yeah so what better way to lose it then to a totally hunk of a man who most likely has lots and lots of experience in having sex'_

'_I'm not s-sure'_

'_get off your ass and FUCK HIM GIRL'_

Yuki nodded slowly to herself, she stood and walked over to him she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against his broad back. She let her instincts and desires take control as she licked his ear and whispered "I think you need a reward mister hero".

Naruto grinned to himself as the girl propositioned him eagerly, he turned slightly and grinned at her.

The next thing Yuki knew she was completely naked and being lowered to the floor by an equally as naked savior. Her eyes closed and she moaned loudly as he suckled on her neck leaving a red shiny love bite behind, he chuckled to himself at her little moans and sighs as he kissed his way down to her breasts. She gasped and clutched at his head as he sucked her nipple into his mouth, her moans began to echo around the cave as she fisted her hands in his hair. Moments later he put a hand on her other breast and began to squeeze it and play with the nipple, this earned further moans he next slipped his spare hand down between her legs and in-between her folds noticing how wet she was before he found her clit and began to play with it.

Yuki moaned loudly as Naruto made her feel incredible, this was nothing compared to her own hands not even that one time she had lesbian sex with her best friend measured up to this. She groaned slightly as his mouth left her breasts, she then realized for a split second she didn't know his name "wa-wait please?"

"Whats wrong?"

"We don't even know each others names"

"HAHAHAHA oh man hehe kinda dumb huh well I'm Naruto"

"Yuki"

Naruto smirked slightly as he got back to work and eventually reached her pussy, he smiled as he parted her lips slightly before he dived in with his tongue. Yuki cried out at the sudden intrusion but soon began to call out Naruto's name and buck into his face as he licked her inside walls. She began to twitch as an incredible amount of pressure had built up in her stomach "OOOOOOH GOD"

Naruto opened his mouth wide and swallowed as much as he could; he smiled as he looked up at Yuki's stunned and flushed face "you taste good" if she hadn't already been red faced she would have become at that statement, she muttered incoherent gibberish for a few seconds as she came down from her high.

Naruto chuckled as Yuki slowly brought her eyes back into focus and stared at him in wonder "What's wrong?"

"That was incrediable"

"Yeah however there is a problem"

"Wh-what?"

"If I continue you will most likely never have it as good as I can do, it sounds arrogant and makes me look like an asshole I know but its happened before"

Yuki frowned and came to a decision "Who cares?" Naruto smirked and moved up her body giving her a passionate kiss as he lined up with her. He looked in her eyes and she gave him a nod he plunged in.

Yuki screamed and bit down on Naruto's shoulder as the pain coursed through her, she had expected pain but not this much then as it slowly began to subside she realized it was due to the face that he was massive. He watched her and wiped away a couple of tears, she smiled at him slightly as the pain continued to fade, he kissed her and she kissed him back eagerly. He pulled back and got a nod he began to slowly shaft in and out of her she was soon moaning and clutching at him clawing him occasionally even though it healed right after, he increased his rhythm slowly in a steadily increasing tempo.

Naruto chuckled to himself as she screamed out his name and tightened around his large member he however wasn't done he continued on and on and Yuki had at least three more orgasms before he finally came with her.

Yuki screamed out as yet another earth shattering orgasm ripped through her, she fell back as Naruto leaned over her panting slightly a light sheen of sweat on his skin. Yuki had utterly collapsed as Naruto pulled out her very slowly and laid down next to her "w-wow" Naruto laughed.

"if you think we're done you got another thing coming yuki-hime" Yuki looked over at him both fear and lust shining in her eyes, Naruto chuckled to himself as he began to rise again and Yuki noticed with an almost hungry look in her eyes. Naruto smirked as he moved.

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Yuki winced as she walked with a pronounced limp with the pounding she had received last night she actually couldn't walk but Naruto had healed her but he couldn't heal all of it, but she had to admit it was a pleasant soreness. She topped the hill and looked down at her home village, she looked over her shoulder at Naruto who had carried her most of the way. "Let me give you a parting gift Naruto-sama" Naruto's eyes widened at the added suffix as he was pushed against a tree and hands quickly undid his belt and pushed his pants down. Naruto gasped as he was engulfed in a warm damp place, he grinned slightly as Yuki began to give him a blowjob he hadn't let her do this last night the entire night being simply him pleasuring her.

Yuki moaned as she fingered herself while sucking on Naruto's dick, she soon realized she would never get the whole thing in her mouth and began to rub the parts that she couldn't get in her mouth.

Naruto moaned loudly as wet slurping sounds reached his ears, he was going to blow "y-yuki-hime I'm gonna…OH GOD" Yuki's eyes widened as his dick began to twitch in her mouth and hands, he exploded in her mouth and she swallowed it all eagerly. She stood and wiped of her chin and grinned at him "you taste good as well" Naruto grinned back at her.

"Thanks for this Yuki-hime"

Yuki smiled slightly "do you think I could visit sometimes?" Naruto sighed sadly making Yuki worry.

"No because I'm leaving this world tonight" Yuki's eyes began to fill with tears until Naruto kissed her. "I-I don't want you to die Naruto"

"I'm not dieing merely leaving this world, I've lived in this world since the day I was born which was about two thousand years ago Yuki, I'm tired of this world I'm going to a new one to have new adventures" Yuki smiled sadly at him then kissed him once again. She smiled at him and began to walk down to her village, not turning back knowing somehow that would make it harder on both of them.

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"**Hey kit before you leave we should change your age make you younger eh?"**

"How much younger?"

"**Lets say 15"**

"Okay"

Naruto grimaced as a slight pain went through his body and he lost a couple of inches in height, Naruto sighed as he drew out a giant seal and charged it with Chakra, he stepped into the centre and activated it there was flash of white and he was gone.

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Naruto groaned it felt like he was floating, he opened his eyes and uttered a single sentence "aww fuck" he was at least a hundred feet of the ground in mid air. He screamed as he neared the ground and impacted with a loud crunch.

A black cat walked leisurely through a forest seemingly in no hurry to reach her destination where ever that might be, suddenly a flash of white light in the sky startled her she looked at where it had been through a gap in the trees and was surprised what looked like a person falling from it the person began to scream and even from where she was almost a kilometer away she could hear the crunch of impact and it made her wince. The black cat began to run (I dunno what the hell you call it with a cat a gallop?) in the direction of the…ahem landing she soon arrived at the edge of a clearing where the person had landed and was slightly shocked to see a tall blonde teenager getting out of a crater seemingly unfazed by a landing that would kill normal people.

The strange teen looked around for a moment before beginning to talk to himself and apparently getting a response. "Hmm better explore eh Kyuubi?" the boy nodded to himself and made a weird T shape with his fingers, he then frowned dropped his hands and tried again, his eyes glazed over before opening wide in shock "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'VE GOT NO CHAKRA?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS REIATSU?"

"oh" The blonde seemed to faze out again as the cat watched on in amazement.

Meanwhile inside Naruto's mind.

"So your telling me when we got here all my chakra was converted to this Reiatsu stuff which has to do with my spirit, so its basically spirit energy and that you still have chakra but any of it that leaks over will convert to Reiatsu but I still heal thanks to your chakra."

"**Yep"**

"Can I still use the tails?"

"**I dunno but do you really need to?"**

"Probably not but why did it convert?"

"**Most likely its because chakra is your world equivalent of personal energy or what ever you want to call it, this worlds is this spirit stuff so to fit in it must have converted over, don't know how but it did so don't worry about it".**

Naruto nodded to himself as he tuned back into the world he sensed something behind him, he whipped round and jumped a good twenty feet back in a single jump as he was faced by some monster with a white bone like face.

The cat watched as the blonde seemed to have a conversation within his own mind, the feline hissed when a large white faced creature appeared behind the blonde boy. The kid snapped out of it and turned around facing the creature, the cat watched in some surprise as the boy leapt over twenty feet back with pure muscle power.

Naruto watched the creature warily as it stared at him, it spoke

"**Hmm you have much energy I'm going to enjoy eating your soul" **his eyes widened at the thought of it eating his soul and this gave it the chance to strike. It launched itself at him and he just managed to dive out of the way by pure reflex he kicked out sending the creature flying. It landed heavily and slowly got back up growling.

"to kill it you have to smash its mask"

He didn't know who had said that as it had definitely not been Kyuubi so he decided to follow its advice. The monster launched itself at him and he got ready to strike.

The cat had decided to at least give the kid a chance on his own to fight off the creature, the cat watched as the kid readied himself and the monster launched itself at him. The cat watched as the kid launched a punch at the monsters mask and almost fell over in shock when the kid's fist blasted almost straight through the mask. The guy was just standing there with half his arm inside the monsters face.

Naruto smirked to himself as he drove his fist straight through the creatures mask, he didn't need Tsunade-bachan's version of strength he had his own. The creature screamed and seemed to fade away into dust, the voice spoke again "Well that was unexpected" he whipped round and spotted the voices owner…a cat?.

"A cat?"

"Yes"

"Well wouldn't be the first time, what's your name?" The cat face faulted at the fact this wasn't the first time he'd encountered a talking animal _'there is no way this guys met any of my family, is there?' _"uhh its Yoruichi Shihouin"

"Wow not even Gamakichi has a second name"

"Who?"

"Oh well you see uhh, are you a summon creature?"

"uhh no I've never heard of summons before"

"Oh then what are you, can all cats in this world talk, and what was that thing?"

Yoruichi sweat dropped at his obvious excitement and enthusiasm, "Uhh no I'm special and that was a Hollow" the boy suddenly froze and gave her a sly look, "I bet your special what do you really look like?" Yoruichi froze and stared at the boy in shock, he had seen through her spirit form. She smirked inwardly she would figure out exactly who this boy was later for now she would surprise him, she changed.

Naruto watched as the cat changed and suddenly a woman was standing before him, she was tall slightly taller than him at his current age with chocolate colored skin, yellow colored eyes and dark purple hair. He then noticed she was naked and his eye widened taking in her near flawless skin large breasts with dark nipples a neatly trimmed patch of hair above her entrance, he smiled.

Yoruichi smirked a she watched the teenager in front of her examine her appearance she grinned in anticipation of a sudden large and powerful nosebleed when she saw his eyes widen. However she was also taking him into appraisal, he was tall taller than her at least five foot nine maybe five foot ten, when he stopped growing he would tower over her, he had long blonde hair with red tips that reached his shoulders and thin lines on his cheeks that looked almost like whiskers. His eyes where an deep blue, a vibrant and incredible color they seemed to look into her soul, all in all he was _'damm if he was older I'd be all over him'_.

Her eyes widened when he smiled, there was a sudden rush of movement, Yoruichi gasped as she was slammed into a tree pinned there by the kids body. He was looking right in her eyes, she was mesmerized temporarily she would later berate herself ashamed that someone as powerful and skilled as her got lost in a handsome teens eyes so lost in fact that she didn't notice him lifting her legs and placing them around his waist.

She would also later learn that he was no teen.

Thoroughly aware of the beautiful naked woman he had pinned to a tree Naruto smiled it was time to play. "Want to play?" he asked with a slight growl to his voice as he pressed himself up against her, she gasped then glared at him obviously thinking that two could play at this game. His eyes widened when she disappeared.

Yoruichi smiled she wasn't the goddess of flash for nothing, she appeared behind him while mulling over what to do in her mind _'he's fast and strong, looks fifteen but by the look in his eyes he's a hell of a lot older, he's got one hot body and is definitely playful most likely experienced in both battle and…other matters, he's not a Shinigami that's for sure. He's not evil I can sense that much, though there is a darkness in his soul aww hell why not I haven't had sex in a long time'_She appeared behind him trailed a hand across his cheek while nibbling slightly on his ear when she realized she didn't know his name

"What's your name handsome?"

"Naruto Uzamaki" She grinned as he turned and kissed her full on the lips. She deepened the kiss already noting he was good at it, she gasped in surprise when her tongue ran over the larger than usual canines he had. She moaned when his hands lightly traveled down her bare back and began to gently massage her ass. She pulled back and gestured at him "off" he grinned and quickly stripped, Yoruichi couldn't help herself as she stared. Going down from his wide well muscled chest to his rock hard abs and then below the waist. Her eyes widened and she licked her lips subconsciously as she observed the 'heavy artillery' before her.

Naruto smirked slightly as Yoruichi stared at his package, he moved forward again cupping one of her breasts as he kissed her, the cat woman moaned as he began to squeeze and mold her breast in his hand, he broke the kiss and began to lick and nibble his way along her neck until he chose a spot and began to suck leaving a nice red hickey behind.

Yoruichi moaned she was in ecstasy the kid was good, she gasped when he sucked a nipple into his mouth rolling it around with his tongue and then applying suction in alternating patterns while his other hand left the breast it had been playing with to slide down her stomach and in between her legs. She cried out and bucked against his hand as he slipped a finger inside of her quickly followed by another, while two fingers moved in and out of her his thumb toyed with her clit, this combined with his mouth alternating between each of her breasts drove her to the edge and then over it.

He chuckled to himself as he detached his mouth from her breast and felt her inner walls tightening considerably around his fingers she screamed, he loved it when they did that. Truth be told no matter how much Kyuubi complained about it no matter how much all his males friends told him he was insane, he much preferred to make a woman feel pleasure both physical and emotional than to get any sort of tactile sensation out of them. To be put bluntly he'd rather eat them out then have them suck him off rather make them blush with embarrassment when he said some compliment or some piece of innuendo than have them compliment him on his manners or body. However this in no way means he didn't like that stuff he just preferred it the other way round.

While the blonde was following this train of thought Yoruichi was slowly bringing herself down from her high _'whoa he's good with his hands, lets see what else he can do'. _She however did not get to follow this thought with action just yet, he lifted his hand showing two fingers soaked in a clear liquid, he stuck one finger in his mouth staring in her eyes the entire time watching her face flush as he sucked and licked his finger clean. He was just about to put the other finger in his mouth when she grabbed his hand and encased the soaked digit in her own mouth. He was surprised to say the least, very few women enjoyed their own taste in his experience, he'd met quite a few but only two in his first fifty years of life Anko and Ino, but then again they had enjoyed each others as well, good times.

Naruto's eyes widened as he was pulled to earth by a certain not yet completely satisfied ex-Shinigami captain, at first he was on top of her but she rolled him over and ended up straddling him. No words where spoken as a chocolate colored hand wrapped around his shaft and guided him to her entrance. He slipped inside her deliciously tight warmth.

Yoruichi cried out to the heavens as they both began to move, she'd had sex before but never like this she'd never been so…filled before. She began to moved up and down as they both moaned, one of Naruto's hands latched onto her waist another onto a breast, they began to move together, she would fall to meet him and then she would rise, he would then rise to meet her and fall again. This was repeated over and over, Yoruichi didn't really know how long they had been at it as she had lost track of time. She felt it an enormous amount of pressure was building up in her stomach, she screamed as it was released. She cried out again as Naruto came adding even more to the sensation she was feeling, he groaned underneath her as she collapsed on top of him.

Yoruichi laid her head on his broad sweaty chest as the both gave great heaving breaths trying to calm their rapidly beating hearts, she felt his chest rumble as he chuckled "wow not many can keep up with me neko-hime" she smiled at the nickname.

Naruto ran his fingers through his lovers hair and heard a peculiar sound, he smiled when he realized Yoruichi was purring "I'd greatly love to continue this until you won't be able to walk right for a week but I believe we both need a place to stay, so we can sit somewhere warmer private and comfortable so I can tell my story and you yours" she nodded at this logic, she moved off Naruto but not before sliding her breasts across his chest and stomach an obvious reminder of what he was missing out on _'for now'_ he thought with a dry chuckle.

He stood and got dressed, he spotted Yoruichi changing into her cat form who then gave him a look that obviously said "follow me" he smiled. Naruto's face creased slightly in a frown when he heard a giggle in his mind, long ago to get the fox to leave him alone unless it was truly important or he was contacted Naruto had cut him a deal. He gave the fox the temporary ability to see, feel, smell, taste and hear all he did when he had sex, however sometimes this was cut to just sight if Naruto felt a real attachment or connection with the woman he was about to make love too as in this case.

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Naruto whistled tunelessly as he looked down from a hillside near a large graveyard at Karakura town a part of a city called Tokyo, he was very glad that where ever he was they spoke his own language called Japanese here. He had been lucky he guessed, he followed the cat woman down a steep hill, the town was complex and large with so many strange things but he supposed he would have to get used to them for now he settled on ignoring all the different things he wanted to gawk at so he could look normal and fit in. Since it was night now it didn't generally matter but it was good practice.

Naruto was curious as they approached an out of the way shop with a sign reading Urahara shop he watched as Yoruichi changed into her human form and knocked on the door, she kept knocking until footsteps where heard. A little kid about 9 to 10 years old with red hair opened the door, he had a grumpy half asleep look on his face but immediately awakened upon seeing the stark naked woman before him, he did the only thing he could do he fainted.

Naruto chuckled as Yoruichi stepped over the boy seemingly without a care in the world, she took some clothes off a rack but didn't put them on however and gestured for Naruto to follow her. He stepped over the boy and closed the door leaving the kid where he was. They stepped into a small room near the back of the shop which was sparse except for a chair a small desk and a single bed. "Kisuke Urahara the owner of this shop leaves this room open incase I stop by, sit down and spill your story I hope its good I'd hate to have to kill someone who's so good under the covers". Naruto chuckled and sat in the chair.

Yoruichi watched him expectantly, he sighed and began his tale. He started with how he wasn't from this world, once he was sure he had her partially convinced of this he moved on to his real age, and then finally his life history including everything such as the Kyuubi.

Yoruichi had great difficult picking her jaw off the floor, the sheer insanity of his story was astonishing, not even the whole crossing worlds and being two thousand years old had fazed her that much. She was after all an ex Shinigami and knew people who where well over a thousand years old she was well over five hundred though she never did count it. The crossing worlds thing was a bit more difficult to swallow but she had decided it was believable and possible. However his life story, his accomplishments and his burdens where the hardest part to believe.

However this was not the most insane thing to her, oh no what was most insane was that she believed every single thing he had said. She groaned as she laid back trying to absorb it all "Tell you what foxy, you strip come over here and well entertain each other for a few hours and in the morning I'll teach you about this world". Naruto nodded as he quickly took off his shirt and pants and walked over to her.

Yoruichi would have the best night of sleep she's had for centuries.

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To say Urahara was surprised at finding Jinta Hanakari passed out in the main shop was a slight understatement. He was just about to kick the boy awake when he muttered something in his sleep about a beautiful naked black woman, _'Yoruichi'_ he immediately forgot about the boy and sprinted to the shops spare room. He was ecstatic at seeing his old friend again, he pushed open the door about to bellow a hello when he froze. Yes Yoruichi was there, and she was in her human form sleeping she was completely naked with the sheets only covering from her hips down.

This was not what made him freeze she was lying on top of the chest of a tall well muscled blonde teen who was equally as naked and was currently smiling at him as if nothing was wrong. He gave the blonde a smile and a wink as he sat himself down in the single chair. The blonde gave Yoruichi a shake and she woke up groggily, "if you want another round give me a few minutes I'm still sore from last night" he chuckled while Urahara contained his laughter.

"Well okay, I just hope you don't mind an audience" Her eyes snapped open and she glared around the room spotting Urahara she relaxed lying back down on the teens chest and nuzzling into it purring contentedly "Well well Yoruichi I didn't know you where a pedophile" to his surprise the woman snorted.

"he's older than you Urahara"

The blonde in the bucket hat eye's widened at this, he threw a curious glance at the blonde. "Names Naruto Uzamaki, I'll tell you my story but on one condition"

"Name it?"

"Get me a cool hat like that except in black and white" Yoruichi looked at her lover in surprise while Urahara roared with laughter, Naruto tried to get up but Yoruichi was holding him down "I need to get up you know" she smiled and curled up on him much like a cat. "No you don't since I'm very comfortable here" Urahara watched and waited to see how Naruto would handle this.

To his great surprise a mischievous glint appeared in his eye and a very fox like grin appeared on his face, he lifted a hand and suddenly spanked the woman lying on top of him. Yoruichi's eyes widened as his hand connected sharply with her rear end while Urahara's jaw dropped, he spanked her again and she jumped off him hissing in anger. Urahara's jaw dropped further and his eyes bugged out when Naruto growled and snarled at the cat woman.

Yoruichi was mortified that the man she had come to greatly like had spanked her, she hissed something she only did when she was truly and royally pissed off. To her surprise and slight fear he began to growl at her, he snarled slightly a feral look passing over his face. It was then she noticed his pupils where slightly slitted, she then sensed it he was emitting an aura of dominance something she had never felt before; she fought against it as best she could but failed.

Urahara watched in shock as the two people hissed and growled in an obvious war for dominance like any two animals, he was however completely shocked when Yoruichi was the first to bow her head. Naruto leaned over and kissed her, while the significance of this act was lost and Urahara and would no doubt be lost on almost every other person on any planet in existence. It was not lost on Yoruichi, being a person closely tied to a kind of animal on ever level, her personality, the way her emotions and mind worked and in a few ways the way her body reacted instinctively. They had fought for dominance the way two strong animals would in a pack, however this was for the position in the relationship. Yoruichi to her shame, surprise and slight arousal had been the one to cave, the one to submit.

However when Naruto had kissed her, he had said quite clearly they where equals. This made her extremely happy, she grinned making a silent promise to reward Naruto later she dived under the covers hiding her naked form from sight, Naruto dressed and sat on the edge of the bed and retold his tale. She watched and giggled every now and then at Urahara's almost permanent shocked expression from Naruto's story.

Urahara just couldn't believe it, mostly it was the fact Yoruichi believed him, he introduced Naruto to the others who worked in and inhabited the store at times, they had figured it would be easiest to just say he traveled from another world was old and powerful. The morning did have some shocks however, Naruto had been freaked out by a blender blew up a microwave and started a fire with a toaster, Jinta had been unable to look at Yoruichi all day and when Ururu had mentioned it he had begun to hit her and pull her hair. However everyone had frozen in shock and in one case terror as Naruto yanked Jinta up by the front of his shirt and stared in his eyes.

Yoruichi watched as Naruto hauled the abusive boy off his feet and glared at him, "Why did you attack her?"

"S-she made fun of me"

"Ururu please repeat what you asked him"

"I-I asked J-jinta why he wasn't looking at Yoruichi"

"Hmm yep sounds like making fun to me, so why did you attack her?"

"I I don't know"

"Bad answer" to everyone's surprise who had been expecting violence, he merely hit the boy hard on the head making him yelp "Hopefully you learned two things today, Never ever disrespect women, secondly never hurt or attack people without a reason, do you understand?" Jinta nodded, Naruto smiled and ruffled the boys hair.

He turned seeing everyone's curious expressions, "he needed to learn respect, Ururu" the girl looked up from her depression obviously believing she had caused the altercation. "You need to learn to stand up to bullies, I'll show you how, Kisuke please stand up" the odd eccentric man stood up curious as to what would happen "this is how you deal with bullies Ururu" he turned and kicked Urahara right between the legs.

Ururu's eyes widened Jinta and Tessai both covered their own important objects, Yoruichi was laughing madly. "That's for letting this go on", Urahara nodded absently as he lay curled up on the floor crying silently. He turned and faced both Jinta and Ururu "I need you two to do me a favor, teach me about your world okay?" they nodded and after an hour of learning the ins and outs of the store they headed out into the street.

Five hours later of learning about cars, buses, plains, toasters and the joys of pizza Naruto had decided he liked this world a hell of a lot. Of course a certain dark skinned, voluptuous and willing cat woman had absolutely nothing to do with it…pfft yeah right. Naruto sighed slightly as he returned to the shop and settled down in the sole chair in his and Yoruichi's room, Urahara and Yoruichi had said they needed to tell him something.

He sat and watched as the cat woman stretched in a very feline manner while lying on the bed, Urahara was leaning against the wall he supposed it was fair, they had to take in he was from another world and was a two thousand year old ninja with a currently twelve thousand year old demon locked within his gut. However contrary to popular belief which is everyone's but the original designer of the seal, the fox was not actually locked up in Naruto's body, he was locked inside the boys pure soul. Naruto pondered the idea of a large force of Shinigami instead of just one, he decided to accept it.

"Well what do I do now with my life?"

Urahara spoke this time "since your fifteen you should go to school, I'll set you up with the necessary paperwork and you can work here in your spare time to earn money so you can own your own apartment. There is also a way for us to unlock your powers, I can feel it now for some strange reason you have Shinigami powers instead of just regular spiritual powers, but that will come much later I have to prepare for it. So it will take about a day to set you up at school and I can fix you with an apartment for now"

Naruto was stunned at his generosity "Why are you gonna do this for me Kisuke?"

"Two reasons, one Yoruichi would most likely hurt me very badly if I didn't" Naruto snickered while said woman grinned "second I'm very curious about you, about how powerful you will be and about how you will work out as a Shinigami, lets face it I'm a scientist at heart and you make me curious so I'm gonna figure you out and do what it takes to figure you out".

Naruto nodded and a maniac grin spread across his face, which was eerily similar to a eye patch wearing slightly insane Shinigami captain. "I am really growing to like this world"

The other two laughed.

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Ichigo Kurasaki frowned, it was turning out to be just a normal day in his life with his father trying to assault him and getting beat up for it and then eating breakfast with his sisters and heading to school. However he had noticed someone his age that he had never seen before dressed in a school uniform hanging around, and Orihime was blabbering about some new person in the apartment across from her, who was apparently a new student. He was frowning because he had sensed something different about the one glance he got of the new guy, something powerful. He didn't know what it was but he guessed it was spiritual power like he had, ability to see ghosts and all that.

He ignored Keigo's posturing about something as someone else entered the room, he glanced towards then but turned to fully face them as he realized it was the new kid. The new guy was tall about as tall as Ichigo himself, he was broad shouldered and looked fit like a fighter. Ichigo noted he moved like a fighter too, stealthy quiet fast and graceful he was a blonde, but his hair had red tips and he had a set of weird faint scars on his cheeks. The guy smiled and walked up to Ichigo and his little group of Keigo, Chad and Mizuiro and held out his hand staring Ichigo right in the eyes "Hello I'm new here who are you guys?"

Ichigo grunted "my names Ichigo Kurasaki" a weird look flashed across Naruto's face "what going to make fun of my name?"

"Wouldn't dream of it I'd be a hypocrite my name is Naruto Uzamaki"

"Maelstrom huh?"

"Got that right….strawberry" Ichigo growled but he suppressed a grin at the twinkle in Naruto's eye "whatever fishcake" Naruto laughed and was quickly introduced to the rest of the gang. Ichigo had been greatly surprised at his reaction to Chad, he'd looked up into Chad's face and said simply "your not so big" and then shook his hand.

Tatsuki walked in feeling very good after smacking Chizuru around after she tried to molest Orihime once again, she spotted someone she didn't recognize and figured it was the new guy Orihime mentioned. He looked over his shoulder at her since he was talking with Keigo and gave her a dazzling smile, this large smile combined with deep blue twinkling eyes made her stomach do back flips. She fought down a blush and merely smiled in return, she froze when a strange look came into his eyes but dismissed it.

Orihime walked in and spotted the new boy she approached "Hello Naruto" the boy turned and beamed at her "Well if it isn't my new neighbor Orihime wasn't it?" she nodded and repressed the urge to touch the marks on his cheeks. She giggled and began to chat to him about different things, neither noticed the astonished looks sent Naruto's way because not only was he paying complete attention to Orihime's ramblings he had also agreed to try her cooking at lunch. Only Tatsuki noticed that Naruto was staring in her face not at her chest, unfortunately Chizuru walked in just then.

Tatsuki growled and got ready to move as Chizuru grabbed Orihime and dragged her backwards while screaming at Naruto about knowing his place or something like that. However she froze when she saw the look on his face.

The red headed lesbian, was livid some blonde idiot was talking to her Orihime. She was trying to comfort Orihime while ignoring her struggles when she heard a low growl.

Ichigo had dismissed the red head when he heard a growl his head snapped towards Naruto who was snarling silently, he moved. Fast. He walked right up into Chizuru's face glaring down at her the red head was obviously terrified as Naruto approached her. Ichigo's eyes widened when Naruto raised his fist.

Chizuru was shaking in fear Orihime forgotten when the blonde raised his fist, she closed her eyes expecting a savage blow but only felt a small and irritating flick o her forehead. Her eyes snapped open looking up into ice cold blue "Go" she fled to a seat on the otherside of the room.

Tatsuki and Ichigo where impressed with how he had used his presence along with body language to terrify Chizuru, fighters knew how to do that. Chad was thinking something along the same lines. The rest of the class was split between awe and terror. Soon the teacher arrived and the class sat giving occasional glances Naruto's way, who'd acknowledge with wave to the boys and a wink to the girls which ended up with the female populace blushing heavily by the end of lunch.

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Ichigo was frowning more than usual, Chad had invited Naruto along with their group for lunch which Ichigo didn't mind but Naruto had been followed by Orihime and Tatsuki, which was slightly annoying but easily tolerable however soon the entire of the two girls group was joining the boys on the roof. However entertainment had apparently arrived.

Tatsuki watched fearfully as Orihime pulled a…thing out of her backpack and broke some of it off handing the smaller piece to Naruto. She snickered slightly when one of the girls mentioned all the food must go to Orihime's breasts, which Tatsuki like all the other girls was slightly jealous of her chest size, thou she would never admit it. She watched in surprise as Naruto popped the piece of food? In his mouth and chewed slowly then froze.

Ichigo's eyes widened as Naruto ate some of Orihime's food, he had done that once repeat once and figured it would be best if Naruto learned from experience. However he along with everyone else's jaws dropped when he swallowed and said "Wow, that's good can I have some more please Orihime-sama?"

Orihime blushed at the title. While others watched in awe and disgust as Naruto ate another large chunk of whatever it was Orihime had made. They eventually got used to it no matter how disturbing; however trouble was brewing its name…Keigo.

Keigo was muttering under his breath about the unfairness of the world when he decided to do something about it. Food was sent flying when he leapt up screaming and pointing a finger at Naruto "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"Huh?"

Everyone was staring at Keigo in shock, as his outburst continued "who do you think you are turning up here and trying to have your way with all these pretty girls?"

"I'm not 'having' my way with them, unless they want me to that is" Naruto replied in a calm voice while smiling slightly Keigo growled as a couple of girls blushed. However before he could continue Naruto spoke again, "You don't need to worry Keigo, I'm not some random lecher plus I think I've already got a girl its just not official yet" everyone froze.

Several girls including Orihime and Tatsuki to their own shock where very disappointed to hear he was already with a girl, Keigo turned from righteous fury to lecherous curiosity. "So this girl what is she like, how far have you gotten with her eh?" he sidled up to Naruto who grinned mischievously. "She's fantastic tons of fun to be around and very playful, and you asked how far I've gotten with her right?" Keigo nodded and Naruto smiled.

"well I'm not a virgin if that's what your asking"

The reactions where unique, the girls froze Tatsuki dropped her drink and Orihime almost choked on her food, Keigo fell over while Ichigo sprayed his drink all over Mizuiro who spluttered and choked while trying to avoid getting sprayed. Chad just stared, Naruto chuckled took a sip of a can of soft drink and said "I'm not lying" and laughed again. The others soon recovered.

Tatsuki asked a simple question "what do your parents say about this?"

"Nothing I'm an orphan" Tatsuki looked down in embarrassment obviously sorry but she looked up when she heard a gasp. Jealousy spiked into her when she saw Orihime hugging Naruto her more than ample breasts pressing up against his arm. He gave her a small smile "its alright I'm fine with it, lived with my guardian up until a while ago and moved into my own apartment which is right across from Hime's here". No one asked anymore serious questions of the blonde, they all began to chat with each other Naruto and Ichigo occasionally swapping barbed remarks at each other.

'_oh yeah I'm really liking this world'_

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Well here you go first chap of The Maelstorm and the Guardian.

Now I think Guardian is the correct meaning of Ichigo's name if its not please inform me. Any other questions will be taken by my secretary. Oh it was called **The Strawberry and The Fishcake** but I changed the name…voting will be allowed on wether to keep its current name or change it to this dumb one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Strawberry and Fishcake**

**By: Uncle Joe**

**Edited By: Dirty Reid**

**Okay, first things first. I do not own Naruto or Bleach, nor am I making any money by putting this online. **

**Naruto's strength. To describe it accurately he has more Reiatsu than Ichigo, but less that Kenpachi for the moment. He still heals as fast as he usually does, and recovers his energy far faster than a normal Shinigami would. But he has less skill in using his Reiatsu that Ichigo, which means he doesn't know how to use it, since Ichigo can barely do anything other than channel it in extreme cases. He is also more skilled that Ichigo in taijutsu; he can fight with his hands and with a sword far better than anyone except perhaps a captain since he has experience, if no set style. He will be around the same level as Ichigo, since he does not have any experience as a Shinigami.**

**Also someone pointed out that Naruto isn't very Narutoish in this story, and you are absolutely right but I'd like to point out a few things. 1) Naruto has been alive for around ****TWO THOUSAND YEARS!!!**** He's as old as Yamamoto, so obviously that will change him. And 2) this is a ****fanfiction;**** almost all of the really good fanfics I've read don't have Naruto as he is depicted, because we are all a little biased and want him to be far better than the original.**

**However you are right in the respect that this is a Naruto fanfic, so I will do my best to make him do some Naruto like things…which basically translates to getting beaten up because he talks before he thinks and almost dying because he acts before he thinks. **

**Now one last thing before I get on with the fic. **

**Kyuubi: Kyuubi will not be Naruto's sword. I brainstormed with fellow fanfic author, Dirty Reid, for about half an hour before I decided what the hell his Zanpakuto will look like. Kyuubi will be like Kon in respect to having a body and taking over Naruto when Naruto is out of his body. Naruto can also use Kyuubi's chakra, though it is very draining. He can hold three tails of chakra indefinitely, but after that, he's got a time limit.**

**He can go all the way to nine tails, but he can only hold that for a few minutes before passing out. He may be old, but it's still hard on him. **

**OH, IMPORTANT NOTICE: I WAS PLANNING TO HAVE THIS FIC BE A FEW MONTHS BEFORE BLEACH ACTUALLY STARTS, BUT I DECIDED THAT IT STARTS EXACTLY WHEN BLEACH STARTS JUST EARLIER IN THE DAY. You know Ichigo is coming home when it starts, this is that afternoon. So technically it started a few days before Bleach started.**

**ENJOY!!**

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Naruto grinned as he sat back, only a few minutes more to go at lunch. It was his first day at school, and he'd made a bunch of friends. He could already tell they where damn good people.

"So Naruto," said a voice. The blonde looked over at Tatsuki. "this girl you're with; was she the one who took your virginity?" everyone stopped and looked over.

"Nope." Was his simple reply.

The world froze over.

"W-What?"

"You heard me; she wasn't the one who I lost my virginity to. It was my first girlfriend back in my home town when I was fourteen." Keigo looked like he had seen Kami, and Ichigo was just staring dumbly. Chad was watching blandly, no longer really surprised by anything Naruto could say. The girls were staring, flabbergasted. Orihime, still totally oblivious to her surroundings and the total implications of the conversation, asked the obvious question.

"What was she like?" Naruto adopted a thinking face for a moment.

"Hmm... she was about as tall as Tatsuki, and had bubblegum pink hair." Naruto said absently. Ichigo gasped, and choked on his drink. Chad slammed a massive hand into his back, clearing his blocked throat, and knocking him into his food. Ichigo wheezed out "Thank you." before coughing lightly and turning to Naruto who was chuckling.

"It was her natural hair color too, I'm not joking."

The girls all ran hands through their hair and stared obviously thinking 'What would I look like with pink hair?'

"She was sweet, and kind, and very forgiving, but she also had one hell of a temper. Never went home without bruises when I saw her. Beautiful woman."

"Why aren't you with her now?" Everyone shivered as chill settled over the area and Naruto seemed to withdraw into himself. Orihime reached out and touched his arm.

"She was murdered by a man I considered my brother." everyone was now looking at Naruto with shocked or sympathetic expressions on their faces.

Chad was the only one who noticed Naruto's eyes. While his face was impassive, his eyes held a light, of contentment.

"You avenged her didn't you." Chad said, more of a statement than a question. Heads turned towards the massive Mexican and then back to Naruto. Naruto nodded and several people gaped. Naruto just shrugged dismissively.

"I was acquitted. No jury in their right mind would convict me for killing someone who just killed someone I loved."

Ichigo frowned while staring hard at Naruto quickly coming to a decision.

"Feh, it's not like you're a serial killer. I would have done the same thing, most likely." Ichigo said in response. Chad nodded in agreement and Naruto sighed in relief. He looked around, and a small tear traveled down his cheek as he saw the acceptance in everyone's eyes.

'_Hell, it's not the whole truth. It's not even a fraction. I may be two thousand years old, but it's the best feeling in the world to have friends and be accepted.'_ He was roused from his musings when a tongue swiped along his cheek collecting the tear and sending shivers down his spine.

He turned to see Tatsuki sitting back and blushing crimson, a horrified expression on her face. Ichigo was shocked into Sillydom; he'd never really seen Tatsuki do anything remotely feminine and absolutely nothing sexual. But she'd just _licked a tear off Naruto's face!_

"Holy shit..." Keigo was stunned. Now he _knew_ Naruto was a god among men. _'Note to self, ask him how to woo women.'_

Orihime was surprised, but not stunned. She knew Naruto was very attractive, but she liked Ichigo, so it didn't matter. She knew that Tatsuki was attracted to the new guy, so she wasn't stunned like everyone else. When it happened, she was just surprised that Tatsuki actually did it.

Chad was just sitting there. However he was making light choking sounds that got Ichigo's attention. He tried slapping the huge man on the back. But it didn't work, so he stood and kicked him in the back between the shoulder blades. Chad gasped and sucked in some air. "Thanks Ichigo." He said gruffly.

Tatsuki was sitting there, mortified beyond belief at what she had done.

'_I can't believe I did that! What the hell is wrong with me?! You don't just go around licking people's faces, it's just not right!'_ while still mentally berating herself, Naruto got a sly look on his face.

Ichigo was watching Naruto go from shocked to mischievous fairly quickly. And his gut, which he had always trusted, told him one thing: _'That's a bad look.' _Ichigo just hoped it wasn't bad for him.

Naruto grinned seductively as he leaned forwards and whispered into Tatsuki's ear. But everyone had good enough hearing to decipher the blonde's words:

"I didn't know you where _that_ kind of girl Tatsuki-_chan_. I bet you're a wild one, eh? Got any whips and chains at home?" he asked casually. Ichigo's jaw hit the floor and his eyes popped out of his head, along with everyone else's.

"Well, if you're not going to answer, I'll just have to find some other way." Naruto added. Tatsuki was still trying to respond, but all that came out were faint noises that sounded like a sea lion barking.

"So, does she Ichigo?" Naruto asked suddenly. Ichigo spluttered in shock, and to his further shame, Chad roared with laughter. Ichigo growled and got to his feet.

"YOU'RE DEAD NARUTO!!!" Surprisingly, both Ichigo and Tatsuki yelled this. The duo charged at the blonde, who jumped to his feet and backpedaled away from them. Only Chad noticed where he was headed.

"Naruto, stop!" he called. The blonde didn't; his back hit the railing, but he didn't stop. He kept going, over and out of sight.

Tatsuki screamed and rushed to the edge, and so did Ichigo, who had gone pale. Everyone was soon at the railing on the edge of the rooftop and looking down, very surprised and relieved to see Naruto has lodged himself with his hands and feet in between two windows on the fifth and sixth floor (Dunno how tall the building is so go with it). He was currently looking for a way out.

Ichigo looked around at everyone's relieved expressions.

"So, how're we gonna get him out of this mess? Any ideas people?" he called.

Orihime had a plan. "We could all take off out shirts and tie them together in a rope. Then we could lower it down so he can climb up like in Rapunzel." She suggested. Everyone stared at her oddly. While slightly stupid, as the girls would not take their shirts off, it was a surprisingly smart plan for Orihime.

"Or we could take them off and tie them up into a blanket. Then we could get under him like the fire men do. Or we could make a human ladder, or maybe we could catch a really big bird and fly down to get him up or..." everyone started to ignore her ramblings as she went on into scenarios that where increasing in magnificence and decreasing in plausibility.

Everyone heard Naruto grunt and looked back down at him.

"Don't worry guys, I got it covered." He told the group. Ichigo was the first to figure out his plan; Naruto was looking over his shoulder at a near by tree which was about ten feet away from the building.

"Do you think you can make it Naruto?" he asked. Naruto looked up and grinned foxily while nodding.

Tatsuki flushed slightly, as they could visibly see Naruto's muscles ripple as he tensed just before he launched himself backwards. In an amazing feat of acrobatics, he turned in mid air and disappeared into the tree's foliage.

"Did he make it?" Orihime asked in a small whisper. She was answered when a blonde haired head popped out of the top of the tree and swiveled to face them with a happy grin.

"That crazy son of a bitch!" Ichigo laughed, and then frowned. "How you gonna get down?"

"Easy; I'm not."

"Oh shit! Away from the railing people!" everyone backed up, unsure was going to happen. There was a loud grunt of exertion before Naruto was once again flying in mid air, but back towards the building. He latched his hands onto the railing and hauled himself over, grinning and bowing like a showman. Tatsuki stormed up and launched a fist into his gut.

"Don't do crazy stuff like that again! And if you ever say anything about me like that again, prepare for the most vicious beat down of your life! Got that?!" she asked viciously.

Chad's eyes widened as Naruto merely grunted and shook off the blow. The only other person who could do that was Chad himself. For Ichigo and Tatsuki, it merely confirmed their suspicions on him being a pro fighter. The bell rang and everyone gathered their stuff and headed off to the last classes of the day.

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Ichigo was walking calmly along an alley when he saw some punks on skateboards knock over a glass bottle with some flowers in it. He growled in indignance as he ran up to them and kicked the one who was trailing in the back. The punk's head slammed into the ground, knocking him out. The others stopped.

"You got a death wish, pal?" the biggest and ugliest of them said as he stepped forward.

"Nobody jumps one of my boys for no reason and lives to tell the tale." he stepped forward, his camo pants and white shirt ruffling slightly in a sudden breeze.

"Hm." was Ichigo's reply.

"That's all you GOTTA SAY!?" the punk charged, and was met with a foot to the face. He fell down and Ichigo's foot slammed into his back repeatedly.

"Little Yama's down! We gotta help him." said one of them. The others replied.

"Are you crazy?"

"No way am I taking on that psycho!"

Ichigo meanwhile, was stamping his foot into little Yama's head so hard his face was being buried into the pavement. He finished and looked up, giving Yama's accomplices a death glare.

"Listen up you Pond scum! You see that?" he asked venomously, pointing at the knocked over bottle.

"First question; What do you think that is? You, the one in the middle! Answer!" he barked. The one he was addressing looked around, and was frightened to find he was the one in the middle.

"Wait, you talking to me? I guess somebody left those flowers for some kid who got killed here." Ichigo nodded and then kicked him in the face sending him flying and causing the other two to cry out. "CORRECT!" Ichigo yelled.

"Wait! chill out!" said one of them nervously.

"Now, the next question; why is that vase lying down?"

"I guess one of us knocked it over when we where skateboarding through here." said the shorter one who was shaking in fear. Ichigo delivered a roundhouse kick to both of them.

"You idiots catch on fast. Now go and apologize, or next time THE FLOWERS WILL BE HERE FOR YOU!!" a shadow covering his face and flames appeared behind him making him look like some sort of hellish deity. The two he had kicked screamed and bolted with the third following, all screaming "WE"RE SORRY!"

"There! That should keep those assholes from showing their ugly faces around here." A girl appeared behind him standing next to the pole. "Sorry about that, I'll bring you some..."

"HEY ICHIGO!" Ichigo turned in the direction of the loud voice and saw Naruto jogging towards him.

"I saw you beat up those guys. You're pretty good. So, who's the girl? She's pretty." the girl behind him blushed.

"W-wait you can see her?" Ichigo stuttered.

"Uhh yeah, why am I supposed to be blind?" Naruto asked, cocking his head to the side.

"She's a ghost." Ichigo said simply.

"WHAT?!" Naruto yelped. The ghost giggled drawing their attention.

"Thank you for your defense. I think now I might be able to rest peacefully." Ichigo nodded slowly.

"No problem. I'll bring you some new flowers tomorrow. See ya." he turned and grabbed Naruto, who was gaping at the girl, and dragged him off.

Naruto was shocked beyond belief. He had heard from Yoruichi and Urahara about the pluses, and hollows, and Shinigami. But he had yet to see anything other than that hollow, so it was a bit of a shock to see a ghost for the first time. Ichigo let Naruto go after a bit and looked at him as Naruto followed him to wherever they where going.

"Why are you here?" the orange-haired teen demanded.

"I, uhh... I got lost." Naruto said quickly.

Ichigo sighed, looking up at the sky. "So, you can see ghosts." He asked rhetorically.

"Yeah, I guess." Naruto answered.

"For how long?"

"That was my first time, you?"

"My whole life, my little sister Karin can see them. And my other little sister Yuzu can sense them, but my dad can't see anything. We run a small clinic nearby. Come on, we have stuff to talk about. I guess you might as well meet my family."

Naruto nodded and followed.

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Ichigo let Naruto look over his home for a few seconds before beckoning him inside. He opened the door and walked in. Naruto followed slowly.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Ichigo ducked, but Naruto wasn't so lucky. He was sent slamming into the floor.

Kurasaki Isshin froze; he'd just kicked a stranger. "DAD YOU IDIOT!" Ichigo was about to attack his father when his father doubled over with a fist planted in his gut, courtesy of Naruto. Then he received an elbow to the back of the head. With a groan, he crumpled over.

Ichigo stared at Naruto who was smiling mischievously.

"Your family's fun. I like them already. So this is your dad huh? From the look of him, I would've thought he's the uncle no one ever talks about." Ichigo chuckled. Naruto turned as a giggle and a dry laugh came from behind him.

"Yo, I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I'm a new kid at Ichigo's school, and since I can apparently see ghosts, carrot top thought he'd introduce me to his family." The short light brown haired girl giggled again as Naruto walked over and settled himself down in a chair. She handed him a bowl of rice. "I'm Karin." Karin introduced herself. Naruto grinned back at her. Yuzu turned back and gasped.

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought I gave you a full bowl." She apologized.

"You did." Naruto replied. Ichigo chuckled while Yuzu gaped at his speed eating

"Don't worry Yuzu, he'll be fine. He ate some of Orihime's cooking, lived, and liked it." Yuzu and Karin, who both knew of Orihime's cooking from the one time she had been asked to baby-sit them, looked at Naruto in awe.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" they shook their heads.

Meanwhile, Isshin picked himself off the floor and sat down at the table. "So, who's your friend Ichigo?" he asked.

"New kid at school. He can see ghosts too." Isshin began to cry.

"It's so unfair! Why can't I see them?" his three kids sighed and didn't answer the rather common question. Unlike on previous nights, he got an answer.

"It's because you're not cool like us." the three Kurasaki kids doubled over in laughter at Naruto's statement while their father sobbed piteously. He suddenly stopped and punched Ichigo in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"That's for being late!" Ichigo jumped up and tackled his father a small brawl ensued with lots of shouting amazingly not damaging anything. Naruto swear dropped "Does this happen a lot?"

"Yeah." Karin said while getting another bowl of rice. "Dad thinks it toughens Ichigo up by attacking him randomly and without warming. He hasn't realized yet that he usually ends up the worst hurt of the two." Naruto then noticed someone else in the room.

"Hey Ichigo, you've got a visitor." Ichigo stopped his yelling at his father, and spotted the glasses-wearing ghost. Ichigo took a couple of swipes at the ghost, trying to make him go away when Naruto spoke again.

"I think it's cool to see ghosts, don't you Karin?" he asked nonchalantly.

"No, I don't believe in ghosts. I'm in denial." Naruto sweatdropped and coughed lightly. Suddenly there was a yell of "DROPPED YOUR GUARD!" and Ichigo was pinned to the floor until he threw his father off of him. They stood, lined up, and swung, hitting each other in the face. Isshin collapsed again.

"The lesson was free." came the mumbled answer to the reason behind the fight. Ichigo grunted.

"Never mind dinner, I'm going to my room. I'm sure you can find your way home Naruto. See ya tomorrow" Ichigo disappeared with a wave.

Naruto sighed and stood.

"Thanks for the rice Yuzu, it was really great. It's been good to meet you Karin and Kurasaki-san." Karin just nodded while Yuzu waved happily. Isshin mumbled from the floor "Bye Naruto." and then the blonde was gone.

"Wow, you sure have way with kids, dad." said Karin sardonically

"Me? What did I do?" came the childish reply

"Dad, you can't go beating up Ichigo anymore. He's going through a rough time right now. He says he's seeing more spirits that ever before." said Yuzu.

"WHAT?! Why would he talk about thing like this with you two and probably that Naruto kid and not me, his dad?! It doesn't make sense!" said the now frantic Isshin.

"Sure it does." said Karin "For one thing, you're over forty. And another; emotionally, you're still at a preschool level dad. Admit it."

Isshin staggered over to a huge poster of his wife, crying.

"Oh my dear, why? Maybe it's because they're hitting puberty. But our daughters are being so cold to me. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!" he wailed.

Karin sweatdropped and groaned "For starters, take down that poster."

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The next day, Naruto was walking to school. Passing the weird devastation, which Yoruichi had said was a hollow attack, he saw a shaken Ichigo walking along with the ghost from yesterday.

"Hey man what's up?"

Ichigo gave him a funny look then decided to explain.

"Since you can see spirits, I guess I had better explain. I saw this weird monster that was trying to attack this spirit here when this short girl in a weird outfit came along and cut it in half with a sword. I guess they were spirits of some sort, since no one else could see them, only the damage they caused" Naruto frowned and acted shocked.

'_Hmm, must have been a hollow and a Shinigami.' _

They headed off to school, no more words spoken.

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That night, while Ichigo kicked Kuchiki Rukia in the ass, and subsequently got tied up and explained all the ins and out of the spirit world through very bad diagrams that looked like bunnies, Naruto was having an busy night as well that was a lot more dangerous.

Naruto stared around amazed at the massive underground training ground. He was finally going to become a Shinigami; an apparently dangerous process.

"This cavern I built myself. Also, time passes differently here, for this moment anyway. I set up a one use device that changes time. Roughly 72 hours in here will be about eight out there, so no need to worry 'bout missing school." Naruto sighed in relief **(I know nothing like this exists in Bleach, but I finished this chapter and then remembered Naruto was in that hole for three days. And for the sake of the plotline, I needed him to turn up at school the next day.)** He looked over a Yoruichi who gave him an encouraging grin while Urahara brandished his cane. Naruto sweatdropped until the end of the cane poke him in the forehead.

Naruto felt weird, like his body wasn't working properly. Even Kyuubi was saying something was off. Then he spotted the chain connecting him to his body.

"Uh, this was supposed to happen right?" Yoruichi nodded and Naruto grinned slowly

"Okay, now what?"

"Now you fight Ururu" Naruto gave Urahara a weird look.

"You serious?" he received a nod "Fine, but why?"

Yoruichi answered this time. "To give you a chance to learn how to move in your spirit body." Naruto nodded and looked over at Ururu who was putting on a helmet and padded gloves. Urahara held up another set, but Naruto waved him away.

Ururu charged.

Even though Naruto was not expecting her to move so fast, two millennia of fighting experience allowed him to adapt. He dodged, and his eyes widened as a great explosion of dirt and rock came from where her fist impacted with the floor. She advanced again.

Yoruichi had only seen him fight once and it had ended quickly. She now watched, amazed, as he quickly dodged and occasionally blocked and deflected Ururu's attacks. Urahara was even more amazed as Naruto had learned how to move so quickly. His eyes widened when Naruto threw a punch. Finally, after almost five minutes of fighting, Naruto has decided to reciprocate. The punch connected with Ururu's helmet, sending her rocketing back.

Ururu got back up. Naruto's eyes narrowed as her eyes changed. She disappeared and reappeared in front of him, about to deliver a devastating kick to his face. Jinta winced as it thudded home, but gaped when Naruto was only moved back a few inches. Urahara grabbed Ururu before she could attack again and she seemed to calm down returning to her normal timid self.

"Lesson one cleared. Good job Naruto." Naruto grinned at Urahara, who smiled back.

"Even though you probably were before, we can be sure now that you're using your Reiatsu." Naruto nodded. Suddenly, Tessai appeared with a massive axe and slammed it down on the chain connecting him to his body, severing it. Naruto stared at it before he collapsed, gasping.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" Urahara answered.

"Once your chain of fate has been severed, you can no longer return to your physical body. You're dying." Naruto's eyes shot wide.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I DON'T WANNA DIE YOU ASSHO…" his mouth was covered by Yoruichi's delicate hand, muffling his shouts.

"Listen." he glared for a few seconds before sighing and looking at Urahara, who was grinning.

"Soon your chain will start to erode from the point it was severed. When it reaches your chest, you will become a hollow and we'll be forced to kill you." Naruto growled, definitely not wanting to become some freaky monster.

"So what do I do?" he asked.

"You must finish lesson two, my fellow blonde. Once you do that, you will be able to access your dormant Shinigami powers, which we know are there, thanks to those tests we conducted during those first few days." Naruto nodded at Yoruichi's explanation.

"Okay let's get started." Urahara grinned.

"Begin." Naruto blinked. Nothing had happened. But he did suddenly feel weightless.

"Aww crap." he fell down the hole, Tessai jumping in after him.

Naruto lay on the bottom for a few seconds before he swiftly got up. He immediately heard Tessai speak.

"Bakudo 99: Restrict." Naruto groaned in pain as his arms where clamped behind him with what felt like metal restraints. Urahara called down.

"Naruto, you gotta to climb out to regain your Shinigami powers." Naruto groaned, not bothering to point out how stupid it was to tie up his arms. Not too long ago, he figured out chakra techniques do not work with Reiatsu.

"You have seventy two hours to get out. After that you're dead." Naruto nodded and sat, trying to think a way out.

**24 hours later-48 hours remaining**

Naruto groaned. He hurt all over. He'd fallen asleep for about eight hours, which had astonished Urahara and Yoruichi. He'd fallen asleep after spending an hour trying to figure a way out. He had then spent the next fifteen hours trying to run up the walls, which was subsequently why he hurt so much.

**Five hours later- 43 hours remaining.**

Naruto cried out as he slammed into the floor. He'd tried once again to get out, this time by flipping from wall to wall. But his tied up arms had thrown his balance off, and had resulted in him crashing and burning.

**Twenty hours later. 23 hours remaining**

Naruto had another rest period of eight hours, using the remaining twelve to try and break the bands on his arms that didn't work out either.

**Eight hours later. Fifteen hours remaining.**

"Well, I fell asleep again. God dammit, how the hell do I get out of this place…wait a second... WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE?!" his shout woke up Yoruichi, who had curled up like a cat near the rim of the hole. Urahara approached the hole, asking the obvious question.

"I wonder what he's gonna do now?"

"Hey Urahara can you hear me?" Naruto called.

"Yeah how's I going?"

"Not all that good, but I was thinking; since I can't get out of the hole, why not just make the hole a whole lot bigger?" he asked.

"What the hell is he planning to do?"

Yoruichi watched in curiosity as Naruto stood in the exact centre of the shaft and seemed to concentrate. And then she felt it. Evil. An aura of pure malice and rage had begun to fill the air. Urahara felt it too and stared down at its apparent source; Naruto. Yoruichi gasped as a red energy seemed to pour out of Naruto and form a fox like shape around him. With its arms bound, he roared and the entire structure shook. A large tail of energy slammed into the wall of the shaft. Not damaging it, but once again sending out a shockwave. Naruto roared again, this time deeper the evil and rage in the air was making both ex-Shinigami sweat.

"This must be Kyuubi." Urahara came to a conclusion in a whisper.

"Yeah, this is just so, so evil how can he stand it?"

"I dunno."

Naruto roared again as two more tails formed, and a massive amount of killing intent invaded the air. Unprepared, Urahara fell to his knees.

"Dammit, this is as bad as Kenpachi." Yoruichi, who had also gotten back to her feet, nodded. The level of Ki continued to rise as a fourth tail formed and the energy surrounding him solidified into a body. Another tail formed. And another after that. The very earth was shaking from the amount of power being released.

Urahara knew that the special stone he lined his cavern with would stop any signs of this from reaching the outside world. But he had no doubt that the aura of evil would be felt for miles by those sensitive enough. Then it all just died. Urahara shook himself to regain composure, and kicked awake both Jinta and Ururu who had fainted previously and looked down in the hole. Naruto was laying face down, and breathing hard.

"God dammit. With no way to release the energy build up, I couldn't hold it as long. Damn." He whispered as he passed out.

**Fourteen hours later, ten minutes remain**.

Naruto groaned as he woke up in a small blackened crater. He looked over to see a very tired looked Tessai, who's shirt was drenched in sweat. He then noticed his chain was eating away at itself furiously he only had seconds left. "Awww, FUCK!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few hours earlier, Ichigo had just finished off the Hollow that had tried to hurt his family when and evil aura flooded the area. He fell to his knees, and behind him, Rukia collapsed.

"Hey Rukia, what the hell is this? A hollow?"

"No. I have no idea what it is."

It cut out. Ichigo sighed in relief and then passed out. Rukia got to work covering it up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yoruichi bolted upright as Naruto began to scream in pain. She ran over to the shaft where Urahara was staring impassively down. She moaned. "No, he failed."

"Maybe, but I don't think so." the screaming continued "His mask is forming, but he's fighting it! He could still become a Shinigami." Yoruichi nodded and looked down at the screaming warrior. "C'mon Naruto, you can do this."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Inside Naruto's mind**

He awoke to see a calm mountain top. He looked out over the edge which showed a deep, lush valley. He turned when he heard a voice calmly say "Hello Naruto."

"Hello Naruto." Said another voice. Naruto turned slowly and sucked in a breath. Two beings were behind him. The former was a large man in fire red armor. He had a katana sheathed at his side, and a large helmet with spikes protruding from the top to form a crown. He looked every part like a terrible and ancient king. The latter was curled around the throne the first was sitting on. It was long, large, and had bluish-white scales with massive leathery wings. Its tail had spines running along it until it ended in a large, curved blade. Its long neck was topped with a leathery frill, and on its head were two large horns that curved forward like that of a bull. Its feet had wicked looking talons that could probably cut through stone. (**IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS THING IS, YOU'RE RETARDED!**). "We are," the man on the throne said in a deep and authoritative voice.

"Your Zanpakuto." said the dragon in a deep, rumbling voice that made the flat mountain top shake. "Our name is…"

"What was that? I didn't hear you."

The two (The King and the Dragon as Naruto thought of them) spoke again in unison.

"It is a pity that you cannot reach us yet. But no matter, now is not the time for such things." The dragon lifted its head and opened its mouth, blasting out a jet of air, sending Naruto flying. He screamed out as he fell of the mountain top, nothing but kilometres of air below him until solid ground. He heard something above him and turned in mid air to see the king standing on the dragon's head as it flew in circles nearby.

"You have Shinigami powers. You must find them. This world is dying as you die. You must find your true power before you die, or we are all lost forever." the two said in unison once again.

As he spoke, hundred upon hundreds of boxes began to fall out of the sky as the mountain slowly disintegrated.

'_Oh great, how am I supposed to do this? Kyuubi's no help; I haven't been able to contact him since this started. Shit!'_ Naruto stared out at the boxes.

"Well, it's my power, so I guess it's connected to me... what the hell do I do? Okay, I gotta concentrate..." Naruto closed his eyes and concentrated, searching for his inner power. He felt a spark of something and opened his eyes. A red ribbon connected him to a specific box. He tugged the ribbon, bringing the box towards him. It opened, showing a hilt of a sword.

"Hurry up and take us." The king's and the dragon's voices commanded in perfect sync. Naruto grabbed the hilt. He heard the two voices speak to him again.

"Good. We will meet again. Do not worry if you do not know our name. We are patient on our mountain."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Back in the real world**

The screaming continued and the white liquid continued to pour out, covering Naruto's face as he screamed. Tessai gasped as the bands holding his arms began to crack and break.

"IT'S AT ITS LIMIT BOSS!"

"I am switching to suppression mode."

He slammed his fists into the ground, causing a small shockwave.

"Bakudo 99: Part two banki! **(I dunno what it is exactly this is what it sounds like on the English ep)** First incantation, Bandage. Second incantation, hundred deadbolts." Naruto kept screaming while the others up top looked on in anticipation and worry.

"ITS TOO LATE!" shouted Tessai.

"Final incantation, FATAL SEAL!" he didn't hear the shout of "NOOO!" from Yoruichi. But he was too slow, and Naruto exploded with power.

A bright red flame shot out of the shaft, blasting Yoruichi, Urahara, and the two kids backwards. A large ball of flame launched out of the shaft and slammed to earth a short distance away. Everyone stood and stared waiting for the smoke to clear. A figure emerged from the smoke.

Yoruichi sucked in a breath. The first thing she saw was the black Hakama, and then a red undershirt. Then she saw the mask and gaped. Naruto had a hollow mask on his face, but it wasn't like any she had seen before. It had the same standard shape, but two long spikes ran across Naruto's head. On each side, the mask had one spike below and above his ear. It also covered the top of his head, going back about two inches. The mask was two colors; red and white. It was mostly red. The red went down on either side of his face, separated by a long white line about an inch wide. The eye sockets where slightly slanted and glowing red. Three white slashed broke up the red on either side of his face in the same position as his whisker marks. It also had four white spikes protruding from the top, giving the impression of a crown. All in all, it looked like a king's crown.

**(Want a picture? Go to the link in my profile. Remember that this is a rough picture, since it's where I got the idea from. But it almost perfectly fits the KING theme, except for armor color, and drop all the ice and skulls. And change the sword and the throne from ice to a normal looking throne.) **

The stared as Naruto reached up and pulled it off, flinging it aside where it smashed on a rock. He grinned at them, and Yoruichi laughed in relief. She may be one tough cookie, but she still worries about her friends. He ambled towards them and then they saw his Zanpakuto. Or should it be _zanpakutos_. Naruto felt their weight on his shoulders and drew them slowly. Their scabbards were positioned in an X on his back. He drew them showing off two katanas that were about half a foot longer than a normal katana, and a couple of inches thicker. Naruto grinned as he examined the blades. He swung them experimentally, getting used to the weight. He then went through some simple katas of one of the styles he knew.

Yoruichi walked over and stared at the blonde's blades.

"Two of them? That's rare." Naruto smirked, glad to know he was, while not unique, was part of a small group.

"HA! I MADE IT!" he shouted before he passed out. Yoruichi chuckled and then it turned into full blown laughter.

"I'll take him home. I know there's a third step, but I doubt he needs it eh?"

"Yeah. He already knows how to use his zanpakuto, or at least how to fight and use a sword, so he should be good for now. I'll use step three to unlock his Shikai." Yoruichi nodded as she slung Naruto over her shoulder and climbed the ladder back up to the shop.

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The next day outside of the school, Naruto was dragged into an alley by Ichigo.

"HEY!... uhh what's up Ichigo? You looked freaked man." Ichigo went on to explain what happened in the night and how he met the Shinigami Rukia, and how he became a substitute Shinigami and how he killed the hollow. Naruto whistled.

"And why are you telling me all this?" he asked.

Ichigo froze; he was stumped. "I dunno. I guess because I mentioned it before I knew all this. Remember how I said I saw her and that hollow earlier yesterday?" Naruto nodded and grinned minutely, patting his friend on the back.

"Well thanks for sharing, Mr. Hero. Wonder why your family doesn't remember? That is kind of strange. Oh well..." it just slipped Naruto's mind to tell Ichigo he was a fellow Shinigami.

Later on the way to class, Ichigo bumped into Orihime, knocking her down and rather blandly said "Oh it's you. I'm sorry." before Tatsuki could yell at him, Naruto slammed his fist on the back of the orange head, sending him careening into the wall.

"That is not how you treat a woman, teme! God, you're worse than Ero-sensei!" Tatsuki sent him a weird look, but said nothing.

"Hey, you okay 'Hime?" he asked, offering her a hand. Orihime blushed slightly as she picked up her things and took the offered hand. Ichigo walked over, rubbing his throbbing head.

"I'm sorry Orihime; I'll be more careful next time." He apologized sincerely. She blushed again, this time more fiercely.

"I-its okay. I-I, uhh, I have v-volleyball i-in a couple of m-minutes. Y-yeah, that's right volleyball." she repeated as she jogged off down the hall.

"What's the matter with her?" Ichigo asked, nonplussed.

"I wonder..." Tatsuki trailed off as she went into thought. Naruto grinned slyly.

"It was probably your ugly ass face, Ichigo" Tatsuki laughed as Naruto ducked a punch from Ichigo.

In class, Ichigo was lounging lazily in a chair while Naruto and the gang of guys chatted about the 'truck' that crashed into his house last night. When someone else entered the room Naruto became alarmed; something was different about her.

"Hello. You're Ichigo aren't you?" Ichigo turned and suddenly looked like he had seen the devil himself.

"I'll be sitting next to you from now on. Name's Rukia, by the way." Ichigo jumped out of his chair.

"I-I-Its you!" he pointed a quivering finger at the new girl. Keigo asked the obvious question.

"Ichigo, what the hell's wrong with you?" Chad frowned at his orange-haired friend.

"You know each other?" Naruto grinned evilly. _'Stop! Mayhem Time!'_

"Rukia..." Naruto said the girl's name in such a way that it seemed he was remembering the name. Everyone looked at him in the 'thinking pose' as the proverbial lightbulb lit up above his blonde head.

"Hey Ichigo, wasn't that the name of that chick you knocked up the other night?" Naruto asked... loudly. Ichigo's eyes widened and he went white as a sheet. Keigo spluttered and his eyes almost popped out of his head. Mizuiro looked slyly at Naruto, obviously seeing he was up to no good. Chad suspiciously started coughing. Rukia had the funniest reaction.

She pointed at Naruto and went purple.

"WHA-WHA-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!" she screeched. Naruto let fly a full belly laugh, but dived out of his chair when Ichigo lunged at him yelling "I"LL KILL YOUUUUU!" When they finally got Ichigo to calm down, he settled for glaring at Naruto who was still smiling smugly until Rukia kicked him in the shin.

Naruto, grumbling about uptight idiots being unable to take a joke, rubbed his shin as Ichigo denied having ever met Rukia. Class started.

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**(Later, in a deserted courtyard.)**

Ichigo glared at Rukia.

"What the hell are you playing at, you freaky little nut job?" Rukia smiled serenely back at him.

"How scary, you big brute! Jeepers, you're not gonna hurt me are you!?" she whimpered falsely, cutely sucking on her index finger. Ichigo stared.

"First of all, you can knock it off with that goody two shoes act."

"Well, I think its pretty good, considering I learned it over night." A new voice spoke up

"I'll give you a seven for performance, and a ten for quick learning." Ichigo whirled round and spotted Naruto. He instantly relaxed, but noticed Rukia was still tense. "Relax, he knows everything." Ichigo stated. Rukia whipped around and glared at him.

"WHAT?! WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL HIM!?" She hollered.

"Because he can see spirits like I can before I became a Shinigami temporarily." Ichigo replied calmly.

Rukia frowned, but went on to explain how she couldn't return home because she lost all her powers while Ichigo was still a Shinigami.

"You have to perform my duties now Ichigo." She told him resignedly. Naruto chuckled at his blank expression, continuing to watch the proceedings. He frowned when Ichigo refused to help.

As Ichigo turned to walked away, he noticed Naruto smirking at him. Then he heard Rukia say simply "I see you leave me no choice." he turned to meet a palm to the face. After he felt the pain, he felt strangely... disembodied.

Ichigo looked around and spotted his body and Naruto roaring with laughter.

"Ah, CRAP! What happened to my body!?" he demanded.

"I ejected your soul from your body." Rukia explained.

"OOOH! ME NEXT!" Rukia looked incredulously at Naruto who smiled back cheekily, and jumping up and down like a rabbit.

"You idiot, this doesn't make you a Shinigami." She scolded him sternly.

"I'll believe it when I see it. C'mon, give it a shot." Naruto insisted. Rukia glared and let out her breath in a huff.

"Fine." She hit him.

Ichigo stared dumfounded. Rukia stared dumfounded, and both looked at the glove. Rukia stuttered "Th-This shouldn't be able to d-do this." Naruto howled with laughter as they looked up. He was bent over, tears streaming down his face.

"You should see your faces! You look so stupid!" Naruto wheezed. Rukia glared.

"... How?"

"Simple. I became a Shinigami around the same time he did with the help of an ex-Shinigami, via a very dangerous method." Rukia frowned. Only one ex-Shinigami was nuts enough to do something like this. She'd talk to him later. Naruto stared down at his body for a few seconds before clicking his fingers and shouting "EUREKA!"

Rukia's eyes widened as Naruto shoved a hand into his spirit body's stomach, pulled out a large red orb and shoved it into his body. He stood back for a few seconds before his body convulsed and sat upright. Ichigo cried out and fell down.

Naruto watched as his now occupied body looked around at its surroundings then stared at its hands. His eyes widened when the hands touched its chest. His jaw dropped when the body opened his zipper and had a look inside Rukia turned away, blushing crimson. The body zipped up his pants slowly and sat ramrod straight. "I'm a guy..." it uttered.

"AHHH! NOOOOO! I'M A GUY!!!!" Naruto's body howled.

"WHAT THE HELL KYUUBI?!?!? YOU ARE A GUY!!!" Rukia and Ichigo stared at Naruto, who gave them a look saying I'll explain later. Kyuubi in Naruto's body turned and gasped, seeing Naruto in his Shinigami form.

"Well, uhh... You see, I'm not really a dude." It said quietly.

"... What?"

"I thought everyone would take me more seriously if they thought I was a guy."

"And you didn't tell me this why?"

"Because I was embarrassed! Happy now?"

"No. Listen, I'm going off with these two for a bit. Look after my body, and don't get into trouble. And whatever you do, _don't_ go back into school yet. Oh and look after Ichigo's body too." Naruto added as an afterthought.

Rukia, Naruto, and Ichigo were walking away when they heard a rather lighter version of Naruto's voice say:

"Oh, this Ichigo kid has such nice muscles. I wonder what he looks like with his shirt off?" they froze like roses in a blast of liquid nitrogen. Rukia blushed, because she'd thought the same thing only a few minutes ago. Ichigo reddened because a female of some sort was complimenting him. And Naruto... Naruto was blushing in mortification at Kyuubi, saying that in his body. They turned to see Kyuubi squeezing one of Ichigo's biceps which looked disturbing in Naruto's body.

"KYUUBI!" Kyuubi's head snapped up and she blushed crimson.

"Sorry." She apologized meekly. She smirked slyly as she formed a seal. In a puff of smoke, she looked like Naruto in his Orioke no jutsu form. She then hefted Ichigo's body and walked away.

Naruto grinned sheepishly at Rukia and Ichigo's astounded looks. "I guess I have some explaining to do eh?" the two nodded.

"Well... how to put this... hmm..." he thought about it and then just decided to explain how he did Yoruichi and Urahara.

Rukia stared wide eyed as Naruto finished his story.

"S-so you're a two thousand year old traveler from another world who has a demon inside them who is now controlling your body and is actually female and you recently became a Shinigami?" she rambled out. Naruto nodded meekly.

"Yeah, that sums it up pretty well." both Ichigo and Rukia where thinking the same exact thing:

'_Holy shit! I believe this!' _Naruto grinned at their expressions.

"So uhh what do we do now?"

Rukia's head snapped up and she shook herself out of her daze, pulled out her phone and checked the message on it. "Follow me; there's a hollow nearby."

As Naruto and Ichigo followed Rukia, Ichigo decided to ask some detailed questions.

"So about you killing that guy who killed your girlfriend; obviously it was true but what really happened?" he stared pointedly at Naruto as he asked the question.

Naruto sighed and thought back; all of the guys would worship him if they were to hear this.

"We were twenty, and celebrating a mass birthday. Sakura-chan's and my twin sons, my two twin daughters from Anko-chan, my son with Hinata-chan, and as well as the confirmation of Ino-chan's first child being on the way." Everything had gone deathly quiet within a thirty metre radius of them.

"Wait a second! How many girls was that?" Ichigo asked, looking rather disbelieving.

"Four." Naruto answered simply. He could hear the gongs ringing in his two companions' heads.

"YOU HAD FOUR GIRLFRIENDS!?" Rukia whipped round, staring at him in horror.

"Correction; wives. And no, there weren't four; there were seven. There was also Tenten, Temari and Hanabi. But Temari-chan and Ten-chan wouldn't sleep with me until we where married and Hanabi-chan didn't want a child at the time." Naruto explained like it was nothing.

"... W-was this common in your world?" Naruto was surprised at Rukia asking such a question.

"No. But I did love them all and still do. Kami-sama, I miss them. It was, however, welcomed with open arms. As it was learned that my massive chakra capacity, which is naturally higher than pretty much everyone else's, was passed on to my kids. That naturally made us into a clan."

"But I'm getting off topic. Back to your question. We were having a party when Sasuke, the man I told you about, turned up. He had these special eyes that were very rare, since his clan had been wiped out. But they weren't as strong as they could be, since he needed to kill his best friend to gain the final level." Naruto paused to let this sink in.

"He attacked my family. We got the children to safety, and he and I fought. I beat him up pretty badly, and he was furious. So the asswipe decided to go for the next best thing. Someone who had at least liked him for a little bit. That person was Sakura. He killed her before I could stop him without a second thought. Luckily for me, not so luckily for him, it didn't work. Sasuke didn't have friends. He was incapable of love or compassion, so even if he had killed me, he wouldn't have achieved his goal."

Ichigo glared at nothing while Rukia stared straight ahead, trying not to cry at the grief in his voice and the tragedy of the tale.

"So then you killed him."

"No."

Ichigo looked over in confusion.

"I was almost insane with rage, and I would have torn him apart until Kyuubi told me to take my revenge slowly. So this is what I did; I knocked him out and tied him up."

"Ya see, the reason Sasuke was such an ass was because his brother had slaughtered the rest of the clan by himself. I think it had something to do with them trying to kill him or something like that. Anyway, his sole purpose in life was to kill his brother then revive his clan. So I decided to take all of it away from him... one... by... one" Ichigo stared in morbid curiosity as Naruto continued, with venom seeping into his voice.

"I hunted down his brother Itachi. I fought him and slew him, then took the evidence his head back home. I walked into Sasuke's cell..."

XXXFLASHBACKXXX

Sasuke was tied up in a chair with a chakra suppression device on his chest. A table separated him from the only other chair in the room, which Naruto sat in.

"Hey fucker, I've got a present for you." Naruto spat.

"What, a worthless whore like your wives so I can revive the greatest clan to ever exist?" Sasuke snapped back arrogantly. Naruto gave Sasuke the sickest, smuggest, most sadistic, and most pleased grin he could muster.

"Nope." Naruto then plopped Itachi's eyeless head down on the table and switched to the Devil's Leer. "Happy days, motherfucker." Naruto chirped in the sweetest, most cheerful voice he could.

Sasuke stared and stared then he glared at Naruto, his red eyes positively glowing with rage.

"YOU TOOK AWAY MY PURPOSE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he screamed cursed for a bit longer until he calmed down. He smirked evilly at the blonde.

"No matter. I'll just tell the council I'm going to revive my clan and use your wives to do it. Then I'll kill your bastard children." He muttered loud enough for Naruto to hear, not a drop of sanity in his tone.

Naruto put his Devil's Leer back on, and put something down on the table. It was a small container which was empty but had a medical label on it.

"What's that dobe?" Sasuke asked, actually sounding curious.

"Oh, not much; just a little something I slipped into your food." Naruto explained in a cheerful chirp. Sasuke whipped his head back up to gaze at Naruto.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Hmm, took away another dream. You see, this substance does something very specific; it destroys the male ability to reproduce. Now, all your equipment will do in the future is piss. You'll never get it up, or repopulate Konoha with your wretched species. It does this process in an excruciatingly painful way. The music should start any second now." Naruto checked his watch as he sat back and stared impassively at Sasuke's horrified expression. He grinned devilishly as Sasuke began to convulse and scream about his 'fishing tackle' it lasted for about half an hour before he stopped screaming.

Sasuke slumped in the chair, sobbing.

"Damn... you..." he whispered in a voice that was red raw from screaming.

"Hm hm hm hm hm hm... mm ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Sasuke stared up at Naruto who was laughing like a stereotypical mad scientist.

"Oh I'm not done yet Sasuke-chan. Nowhere near done. Now I'm going to take the last thing of worth you have. And no, it's not your pathetic life. I'm going to take your precious eyes." Naruto hissed in a tone even more evil than Orochimaru could've mustered. He channeled chakra to form a small blade of fire on his right hand. The shadows from the yellowish orange blade cowled half of his face in shadows, making his dark clad form look even more sinister. With his face half hidden, he advanced menacingly on the already screaming Sasuke. Naruto first carved out his right eye... _slowly. _ The blade of fire cauterized the wound as it went. It popped out of its socket and Naruto cut it off, ignoring Sasuke's screams and pleas for mercy. Sasuke fainted like one of Kankuro's broken puppets.

"Now this won't do at all." Naruto said in a pouting quality. He preformed a few quick seals and green chakra covered his hand. He slammed two fingers into Sasuke's forehead and he jolted awake. Sasuke stared up Naruto with his one remaining eye to not see what everyone else saw; two compassionate bright blue eyes. No, he saw two burning red ones that saw into his soul and passed him judgment to be damned to the Ninth Level of burning Hell. Naruto smirked in a pants-pissing sort of way, and soon extinguished Sasuke's last remaining eye. Sasuke slumped over, crying tears of blood.

"Pathetic piece of vermin." The blind Uchiha froze when a voice whispered in his ear.

"Itachi was far more of a challenge than you. He almost killed me; all you killed was a defenseless woman who was weak from childbirth a week before. Not even Itachi would stoop that low." Sasuke sobbed some more, knowing there was nothing he could do.

"Kill me already. Please, I beg you." Sasuke pleaded, secretly hoping the 'dobe' would grant his wish. No such luck beamed down from heaven.

"Hm hm hm hm hm hm... mwa ha ha ha ha ha... **HA** HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...! Oh no, dear Sasuke-chan. I'm not going to kill you... _yet._ Nope... you see, when I obliterated Oto by myself, oh I bet that burned your Uchiha pride eh? I found some pretty arcane and occultist stuff Orochimaru was working on. And one scroll... one... _very_ special scroll he had hidden from everyone. A way to send someone's soul, regardless whether their soul is good or evil, to the Ninth Level of Hell. And the best part is... you can send them there alive!" Naruto finished in that oh so annoying cheerful chirp.

Sasuke's eyes, had he still had them, would have widened in terror. He could hear the telltale swish of someone making hand signs and he could hear Naruto whispering something.

"NOOO! DON'T DO THIS NARUTO! I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE! YOU'RE MY BROTHER, REMEMBER?!?" the noises stopped.

"My _brother_ is dead. All that is left in front of me is a soulless little imp." Sasuke screamed as he was dragged into something. It would be years before his body died in hell and then he had the rest of eternity in hell to enjoy its delightful resorts and theme parks... of_ death._

XXX END FLASHBACK XXX

"I showed him Itachi's head, and then I chemically neutered him, left him to stew for a couple of days, and then killed him." Ichigo frowned; darkness had passed over Naruto's face for a split second that was darker than any being Ichigo would probably ever face. There was far more to the story but he figured Naruto would never tell so he decided to try and lighten the mood.

"What were your other wives like?" he asked in a politely curious tone.

"In a word, quirky." Ichigo chuckled as Rukia decided to ignore the conversation and lead them to the hollow sighting.

"Anko was, by far, the weirdest; self proclaimed nymphomaniac and deflowerer of virgins both male and female. But she was a virgin till I married her. She also liked to drink my blood for some reason. Call it a vampirism streak. " Ichigo's eyes widened and he reddened as he pictured a leather clad dominatrix Orihime licking up his blood from a shallow cut on his naked and chained form. He shivered and knocked the image away.

"She did eventually deflower a girl though. One of my other wives, Ino."

"What was she like?"

"In a single word; loud. In public she was extremely controlling. She was always telling me when to jump and how high. But in private she loved to be controlled." Naruto said, licking his lips as he remembered Ino's soft whimpers as he made love to her.

"Hmm... Sakura, I've described. Hinata was always this timid little thing. Extremely cute. But once I got rid of that stutter and boosted her self confidence, boy did I regret it... Well, not really. Whips, chains, you name it, she used it. Specifically, she liked having sex in public. In fact, I'm sure that's how Neji, our son, was conceived. We named him after her cousin who died on a mission."

"Then there was Tenten. Now she was a surprise. She could throw a knife at a hundred feet, and hit a moving target dead centre. What's even scarier was that she could throw twenty knives and do the same thing. But when I married her, she turned herself into a stereotypical house wife. This surprised everyone. She cooked all the meals and used little tricks to clean up the house even though we all pitched in. Heh, I still remember the time she dressed up in a French maid outfit for the day. I must've run out of bolts from the blue for a year after that."

"Temari had one hell of a temper. Before the arranged marriage, any guy near her that said anything remotely perverted would be hammered into the ground with her battle fan. But after I married her, the first book she read was the Kama Sutra. I tell ya, if I wasn't a ninja and healed fast, some of those things she did to me would have put me in the hospital."

"Hanabi was hard to place. She was a regal one, that one. Once I got the arrogant streak out of her, well mostly out of her, she looked, acted, and was treated by everyone as a queen. And she had a right to be the first clan head in her clan's history that was in the position before eighteen. And it was liked by both sides of the family. She was a little weird, since she was Hinata's younger sister. But hey she was an absolute minx in the bedroom." Naruto giggled pervertedly as he finished.

Naruto either did not notice, or chose not to notice that Ichigo and Rukia where steadily getting redder and redder in the face as he continued. It was confirmed that he was ignoring it when he said something else.

"I'll tell you something though. I nearly had a heart attack the first time I came home and found Ino and Anko having sex." Rukia turned around and tried to slap Naruto but settled for kicking Ichigo who had passed out from blood loss.

They stopped outside of a park. Naruto frowned when Rukia stopped Ichigo from helping that little boy's spirit, but then saw what she was getting at and let her be. Naruto however, had to chuckle when Ichigo turned the conversation around on Rukia. And boy was he right. It isn't your duty you think about when you save someone its saving that person.

Naruto then watched curiously as Ichigo preformed Konso (Sp?) on the kid's spirit and sent him on to soul society.

"You did that quite beautifully/"

"I'm gone." Naruto watched as Ichigo walked away.

"Hey Rukia why's he walking like that?"

"I dunno"

"Hey Ichigo, you get fucked in the ass or something? Why you walking funny?" Ichigo stiffened in mid stride. He didn't reply or turn around, but he did walk away normally. Rukia giggled at the antics of the two as Naruto hurried to catch up and find his body, praying Kyuubi hadn't done something weird.

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Late that night, Sora, Orihime's brother's spirit was devoured by hollows and subsequently turned into one as well. Naruto was having a conversation with Kyuubi inside the seal, while Yoruichi lay on top of him, purring contentedly after a bout of intense lovemaking.

"So you kept the fact that you're a girl from me for two thousand years?"

"Yep."

"Do you know how stupid that is? It's like a badly written plot on some crappy soap opera, or one of those website stories Jinta was talking about." **(Wink wink)** Kyuubi was hiding in the shadows, not letting herself be seen.

"So... what do you look like?"

Out walked a tall redhead. Naruto first spotted the long, blood red and swishing tails, but then he saw her figure. She had smooth, flawless, ivory colored skin that seemed to glow a little in the dark mindscape. Large breasts jiggled as she walked, and a head of silky red hair that parted for the two large, red, rabbit-like ears. She had long, thigh length leather boots, and a black miniskirt that barely covered anything being held up by a small red rope and a wrap around top with no shoulders being held closed by a large red sash that sat under her bust, accentuating her already larger breasts. And a small metal collar was on her neck, with a chain hanging down and disappearing into her cleavage. Naruto then admired her face; angular and beautiful with whisker marks that were deeper than his own, and tinged blood red. Full, luscious red lips and red eyes completed the picture with two bangs of red hair on either side of her face to complete the picture. **(Link in profile) **

"Whoa." Naruto whispered. Kyuubi blushed.

Naruto stared and a hand rubbed his chin in thought. "W-what are you staring at?" Kyuubi squeaked in an alto voice that was like honey to Naruto's ears.

"I'm wondering if it would be too much of a bother to take your boots off." Naruto answered simply.

"Huh?" Kyuubi's eyes widened as Naruto stepped through the bars and latched his mouth onto her neck. Kyuubi moaned before struggling and trying to break away. Needless to say, she wasn't very successful as a hand grabbed her rump and began to massage the soft, but firm flesh, while another hand began to undo the knot in her sash. He got it undone and stepped back, letting it unravel.

Kyuubi, still flushing and dazed from the physical attention, didn't notice she was now topless. Naruto then noticed she had the exact same seal on her stomach he did, but that it was always there. Naruto grinned as Kyuubi became aware of her state of undress and tried to cover her assets. He moved swiftly forward and knocked her hands away, his right hand grabbing her left breast and making her gasp. She was about to yell at him when a mouth covered her own, Naruto's left hand holding the back of her head.

Kyuubi moaned into the kiss, her resolve was failing and her knees were weakening as a tongue invaded her mouth. She groaned when the arm on her head moved to her waist pulling her up against her container. When both of Naruto's arms moved around her slim waist, she couldn't help but moan and drape her arms around his neck. Naruto groaned when Kyuubi finally got into it and began to trail her lips down his neck. She then moved back up to his ear and whispered "Damn you." before nibbling on it. Naruto chuckled and decided a change of scenery was needed. He concentrated, and the sewer shifted into a large, spacious, well-furnished bedroom.

Kyuubi admired the new surroundings for a few moments before kissing Naruto and then turning him around and pushing him onto the bed. Naruto's eyes widened as his clothes disappeared and saw Kyuubi's seductive smirk.

'_Obviously I'm not the only one who can change things in here.' _her clothes were soon gone too. She was positioned on all fours above him, smirking down when he disappeared. She grinned when she felt him position himself behind her.

"Hurry up Naru-chan; it's been at least five millennia since I've had a man in me." she could feel his smirk as he entered her slowly.

"Mmmm… oohhh... f-faster." Naruto didn't comply as he continued to thrust into her slowly. Soon he was sheathed in her entirely. He pulled out again, just as slowly. And when he reached the tip, he pushed back in. The agonizingly slow pace had Kyuubi on the edge, whimpering. And when he pulled out the whole way, she waited excitedly for him to slam back in... but nothing happened. Her eyes widened to the size of plates when she felt the head of his dick touch her rectum "W-Wait Naru-chan."

"Hmm?"

"I-I've never had anything b-back there before." Naruto didn't answer but she felt him shift on the bed. She gasped when something warm and wet flicked across her back entrance.

'_Oh Kami! It's his tongue!'_ her head snapped up and she screamed silently when her back passage was invaded by a tongue and her vagina was invaded by two fingers. She bucked backwards into his face for a few moments before calming down.

"You think you're ready now?" he whispered into her ear. Kyuubi nodded slowly and braced herself.

Naruto lined himself up and slipped the head of his cock into her bum. He felt her inner muscles clamp down on his soaked member for a few moments before relaxing. He grinned as he slid further in.

Kyuubi's eyes widened in shock and pleasure as damn near eight inches of man meat slid into her ass. Now, while Kyuubi had been posing as a guy, not everything had been a lie. She did find females attractive, and had greatly enjoyed watching Naruto pounding into the many different women he had slept with. One example was that Hana girl who he had slept with on a regular basis. Until, of course, his wives finally latched onto him and demanded marriage. This was something Hana did not want; a fuck buddy who didn't mind giving it to her in her ass. She had howled like the dogs her clan was famous for every time he slipped between her cheeks.

"Fuck, you're tight Kyuu-chan." Kyuubi grinned; she had learned some things from watching Hana. She also blushed when Naruto called her 'Kyuu-chan'. Naruto pulled out slowly, and then slid back in. Just as he was about to pull out again, Kyuubi clenched her cheeks, earning a strangled groan from her lover. Naruto continued to pump in and out of Kyuubi's ass with her clenching like that it was going to end soon.

Kyuubi screamed weakly. She clenched her ass tighter than ever before around his shaft before releasing. Naruto chuckled softly; Kyuubi's tails, which had been twitching idly during sex, had flailed all over the place when she came. The fur had swiped across ticklish spots. He thought himself lucky Kyuubi hadn't noticed, but he was wrong. She had, but filed it away for later.

She knew he hadn't cum yet. Not wanting to disappoint him, she pulled away, turned around and took his entire length into her mouth. Naruto grunted as she chewed gently, causing him to release his seed down Kyuubi's throat. She gulped it down delightedly before falling back on the bed.

"Goodnight Kyuu-chan." Naruto whispered a he moulded her right breast from her right, which was serving as a pillow.

Kyuubi mumbled in her sleep "Goodnight, my precious kit."

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Naruto woke up to find Yoruichi staring down at him.

"I figured after what we did there was no way you could possibly want more sex. But here I wake up to find an erection sticking into me and you moaning in your sleep."

"Sorry. You know how I told you I found out Kyuubi was a girl?" Yoruichi nodded. "Well, I made up for all the time we could have had." Naruto explained, a small giggle escaping his lips.

"Ah. Okay then. Nighty-night, my little kitsune."

"Sweet dreams, my fluffy little kitten." Naruto gave Yoruichi one final kiss before he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

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Naruto watched with a rather large sweat drop on his head as Rukia read out loud from a book which was apparently in outdated Japanese, because it was very formal and flowery.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!" Naruto winced and dug a finger in his ear as Ichigo yelled.

"You know for such a stoic S.O.B, you sure are loud." Naruto grumbled. Ichigo grunted and glared at Rukia, who glared back before explaining why she was reading the book. Naruto just watched, being mildly entertained by the two's arguments. That is, until the screech of a car braking got everyone's attention. Naruto and the other two ran over to see Orihime picking herself up off the ground.

"Did you just get hit by that car Orihime?" Naruto didn't ask any questions; he did what was instinctual to him check for wounds.

"Maybe." that response snapped Naruto out of medic mode to stare at Orihime.

"Are you going to be okay?" Orihime nodded and jumped up, her head colliding with Naruto's jaw, sending him sprawling while she apparently didn't notice.

"It's just a little bump on my head. Don't worry, I'm fine. I swear." she then made a weird thrusting motion that made her breasts jiggle, making Ichigo blush slightly.

"Um, what happened? I felt like I got hit by a wrecking ball." Ichigo glanced down at Naruto, knowing what could happen if you managed to get in the way of Orihime's extremely hard head.

"Oh hello Naruto. I didn't know you got hit by that car too!" Orihime exclaimed.

"Huh? Um... nah, I was rushing to check on you and I fell down." Orihime smiled at him as he smiled nervously back, wondering how the hell she didn't notice that she knocked him out.

Naruto got to his feet and stared as Orihime apparently apologized for being hit by a car.

"Rukia?" Naruto had forgotten she was there and Orihime had just noticed her.

"That's right. And just who are you?" Naruto flinched as Rukia went into her normal personality; the cold and aloof bitch one. Not the high school girly-girl cover-up one, or the real her that showed when she was embarrassed or emotional.

He heard Ichigo whisper fiercely about 'Getting her head out of her ass.' Naruto grinned and muttered under his breath.

"Yeah I bet you know all about her ass." he realized he had been caught as Ichigo glared at him with a blush while the two girls conversed.

"Well now, it appears that you've been shopping." Rukia said in that sickeningly sweet and fake way she had. Orihime gasped and rushed to pick up her stuff.

"My Leeks Bananas, butter, and bean jam seemed to have made it too." Ichigo blanched, obviously not wanting to even think about what she was going to make while Orihime turned towards Naruto. "You're still coming over for dinner right?"

"I dunno 'Hime. I might have some stuff to do. Plus, I think Ichigo's sisters where expecting me at their house tonight. I'll see what I can do. Don't count on me though." Orihime nodded. Then Rukia asked about the bruise on her leg. While Orihime guessed it was from the car hitting her, Naruto and Ichigo exchanged curious glances as Rukia examined it further.

As Orihime waved goodbye, refusing both offers from Naruto and Ichigo to walk her home, and crossed the street Ichigo voiced his opinion aloud.

"Damn, she needs to be more careful."

"What she needs is a few more brain cells. She's nice and a great girl, but I don't think anyone is home, even though the lights are on." Ichigo chuckled while Rukia stared off the way Orihime had gone.

Naruto grimaced as Ichigo later explained about Orihime's brother.

"Hey, where are you going?" It was only then Naruto noticed that Rukia was walking away.

"Home."

"Where's that?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Guess not."

"Then don't ask me."

Ichigo glared at Rukia's retreating back until Naruto slapped him upside the head.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" he yelled.

"WHAT!?" Ichigo bellowed back.

"Why didn't you walk her home so she could like invite you in for some coffee?" Naruto demanded.

"I don't like coffee." Ichigo replied bluntly. Naruto smacked his head and shook it. Honestly, his orange-headed buddy was almost as dense as he used to be sometimes.

"IDIOT! I MEANT SEX!" Naruto explained in a shout. Ichigo reddened.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER?!" he yelled.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE TOTALLY INTO HER, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!" Naruto hollered.

"SO WHAT?" Ichigo shot back.

Ichigo's eyes widened when he realized what he had said. Naruto roared with laughter and grinned cheekily at his orange haired friend.

"Told ya dude. So make a move at least once before she goes back where she came from." Naruto suggested, elbowing Ichigo. Ichigo merely glared and stalked off, grumbling about no good friends who don't back him up.

Naruto chuckled to himself. He was about to head home when he got a feeling he should just wander the neighborhood because something was going to happen.

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Ichigo sat on his bed, dismissing Yuzu's problems when he heard a rustle of cloth. He looked up to see Naruto, perched on his window, sill smiling at him. He grunted and turned back to his book, waiting for Naruto to state his purpose. He heard a phone ring. He looked up at Naruto who was staring straight ahead they both talked simultaneously.

"Why do you have a phone in your closet/you gonna answer that?"

They both looked towards the closet when the door slammed open and Rukia appeared shouting "Hey Ichigo!" both boys cried out in surprise simultaneously. Ichigo flailed on his bed while Naruto tumbled out the window.

Naruto groaned outside the window, coming back to the world as Ichigo was knocked from his body and then proceeded to try and kill the hollow that had arrived.

Naruto climbed back up and into the house just as Ichigo said the Hollow was Orihime's brother. Naruto glared at the floor when Rukia went on to explain the horrible truth. But when Ichigo tried to resist the truth, Naruto decided to participate.

"She's right. Would you rather kill one hollow that was a good man in the past, or let it live to hunt down and kill or devour other good and innocent people? It's the way the world works man; sacrifice the few to save the many, all for the greater good. I know you want to save everyone, and so do I, but in this situation, in this world, we have to face the facts. That's not some man out there who's been brainwashed and can be saved, or has been drugged, or is desperate for money and is committing a crime. It's a monster that was once a man. Pure and simple."

Rukia stared, more than slightly amazed that someone so new to being a Shinigami would understand so well. But then she remembered how old he was, and with age comes wisdom. Even if he never shows it.

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While this was happening, the hollow who was once Sora retreated to the hollow realm to recover and his mask rebuilt itself after being damaged. In the real world, Tatsuki was upset that Naruto was walking with Rukia, but covered herself by shouting about Ichigo, and then trying to snap Orihime out of another one of her vivid daydreams. Then they began to hear strange noises.

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"I don't get it why would Orihime's brother attack us?"

"Not us, you. I'm guessing there's a more powerful hollow behind this that wants to consume your spirit energy. It probably has several hollows doing its bidding and knows where you are right now. It would explain why Orihime's brother has come to attack you." Naruto decided to pitch in.

"So, what, there's like a big boss Hollow or something?"

"Though I wouldn't put it that way, yes."

"That's fucked up." Ichigo was worrying about hollows striking his family while Rukia and Naruto talked.

"I-I'm not sure I can kill him." Naruto looked at Ichigo sympathetically.

"Ichigo, you have to. You saw the pain he was in; you gotta set him free. I'll tag along but this is your battle." Ichigo nodded and was about to leave when Rukia hit Naruto with her glove, ejecting him from his body. They picked up the pace and headed out the window, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. While Rukia was carried on his back, Naruto was hot on the substitute Shinigami's heels.

By then, Orihime had been knocked out and Tatsuki had been thrown around the room by the invisible- to them at least- Hollow. Tatsuki could see a vague shape every now and then, but Orihime, who was still connected to her body by the chain of fate, could see it clearly and was scared stiff. Tatsuki was flung across the room and knocked out cold.

Orihime tried to defend Tatsuki from the hollow as the black haired fighter passed out. Orihime questioned the Hollow, who seemed to know her. It tried to explain the truth, but when Orihime couldn't understand, it lashed out at her. Orihime flinched but when no blow came, looked up to see Ichigo stopping the monster with a massive sword.

It fled temporarily.

"Thank you for saving me Ichigo." Ichigo looked at Orihime, very alarmed. Then he saw what had happened, but before he could say anything, the Hollow came back. It grabbed Orihime and knocked him outside.

Naruto looked up as Ichigo stood on air. He was distracted when he heard Rukia's phone ring.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"More hollows." She told him.

"Dammit! ICHIGO!" Ichigo looked down at his yelling blonde friend.

"You save Orihime! I got some more hollows to take care of. Good luck man; don't let me down!" After getting information from Rukia, he was gone. Ichigo got knocked out by the hollow's snake like tail.

While Ichigo was awoken by Rukia, Orihime learned the terrible truth that the monster attacking her used to be her brother.

"You're lying! My brother was a very gentle person! He would never do these things!" she protested.

"**I was so lonely. You were forgetting about me, dear imouto, a little more each day."** He then went on to explain how he had watched Orihime slowly forget to pray for his soul, which made him feel lonelier and lonelier every day. And how Tatsuki entered her life and took her mind away from him, and how when she entered high school she stopped the prayers.

The hollow moved off to attack Ichigo. But when Orihime shouted at him to stop, he attacked her, grabbing her in his giant hands and squeezing her. But as if Kami himself was listening to Orihime's prayers...

"Leave her alone you freak!" shouted Ichigo as he drove his blade into the hollow's tail again and again, making it drop Orihime and scream in pain. It went after her again, but Ichigo was too quick for it. He moved in front of her and cutting off its hand. It backed away ,the wound spurting huge amounts of black blood that completely disappeared afterwards.

"Let me tell you something, Captain Overbite." said Ichigo as he turned to face the hollow.

"Let me tell you why older brothers are born first. It's so they can look after their little brothers and sisters. _NOT_ threaten to kill them. Even a dead man doesn't ever have the right to say that." now he sounded truly pissed off.

The hollow spoke. "**You don't know what you're talking about! Orihime is mine! I raised her when our parents left us! She's more like a daughter than a sister to me! Orihime; come with me now, back to when it was just you and me, happy together."** it said extending its remaining hand. **"If you come, I won't hurt these others."**

"Don't! it's a trick!" Rukia warned her. The hollow glared at Rukia, but then spotted the hairpin Orihime was wearing. He remembered how she didn't want to wear it when he bought it for her, since it was childish. But she was now wearing it as a way to remember him every day. The hollow convulsed and screamed before shouting **"ORIHIME IS MIIIINE!!"** and attacking, only to be blocked by Ichigo.

"Orihime doesn't belong to anyone! And least of all to you!" he shouted before throwing it back outside. He leapt at it, but before he could cut off its head, it spat a liquid onto his hands that burned and made him drop his Zanpakuto. The hollow charged Ichigo, ready to devour his soul. But Orihime jumped in the way, embracing the hollow's oversized head. That action stunned both Ichigo and the thing that used to be her brother. When the hollow asked her why, Orihime went on to explain how he was always protecting her, even when she never asked him too. Even when he was dead and that was how she got the weird bruise he had pulled her out of the way of that car.

"I-I thought if you s-saw I was happy, y-you could pass on and not n-need to watch over me anymore. I never dreamed i-it would make you s-so sad and lonely." Ichigo and Rukia watched in shock as Orihime tearfully talked to her brother. She fainted a few seconds later. The hollow began to scream as its face flickered between that of a hollow and that of Sora.

Rukia explained to the confused Ichigo that what was left of Sora that was human was fighting, and that he must have been forcefully changed into a hollow by a powerful hollow who wanted Ichigo's soul.

"And since you knew this soul in life, you hesitated, which is what the powerful hollow probably wants. Now he's fighting the hollow inside of him for his sister's sake."

The hollow began to scream Orihime's name over and over again. The mask abruptly shattered, leaving only Sora's face behind. Rukia began to heal Orihime's wounds while Ichigo talked with Sora.

"You gave her that hairpin, didn't you?" he asked, after spotting what Sora was staring at. He went on to confirm Sora's thoughts about her wearing it to remember him by.

Naruto arrived back at the scene, seeing a Hollow with a human face holding Ichigo's zanpakuto to its face and Rukia explaining that Shinigami don't kill hollows; they exorcize them, allowing them to pass on. Naruto watched as Orihime bid a tearful and meaningful goodbye to her brother. He sighed, trying to hold back a tear; the scene was extremely touching. He heard Kyuubi crying inside his mind.

'_You okay, Kyuu-chan?'_

"**SHUT UP! I'M NOT CRYING, DAMMIT!" **

He shook his head and watched as the hollow ended its life, allowing itself to pass on. He watched as Orihime cried on Rukia's shoulder and Ichigo picked up his sword, looking depressed.

He jumped down and clapped Ichigo on the shoulder.

"Well that ended well... I think. There were three more halfway across town, hanging out in a cemetery, obviously trolling for a snack. They won't be bothering anyone anymore, and it's nice to know we don't kill them but perform a nastier version of Konso." Ichigo nodded and they helped Rukia clear up the mess.

She pulled something out of her pocket and used it to knock out Orihime. "What's that thing?" Naruto asked, tilting his head to the side.

"It's a memory replacement device. I wiped out tonight's events and gave her a new one. And unfortunately, there is no way to predict what her memory will be replaced by. So tomorrow, we'll find out what she thinks happened tonight." Ichigo and Naruto nodded. Naruto got a sly smile on his face as he imagined Orihime spouting off about having sex with Ichigo or something of that nature.

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**The next day...**

Orihime was explaining to her group of girls about how a sumo wrestler with a gun blasted a hole in her apartment wall. While Naruto, Rukia and Ichigo stared dumbfounded by her active imagination, Naruto smiled however when Ichigo began to talk about his work as a Shinigami.

"Alright, I'll help you for now as a Shinigami"

"Good I'm counting on you." Rukia shook his hand. Unfortunately for them, the eternal 'Pranking Emperor' was behind them. He shoved Rukia hard, making her scream and fall into Ichigo, who fell as well under the unexpected weight. Naruto laughed as he backed away, ready to bolt when necessary and saw everyone else was paying attention to the two on the ground.

Ichigo opened his eyes after the tumble was over; he heard a feminine muffled groan and frowned _'why can I feel someone else groan?' _he wondered frantically.

Rukia groaned and opened her eyes. She was met with the sight of Ichigo, whose eyes where inches from their own.

Both of them turned dark red, but for different reasons. Ichigo blushed because Rukia's trim body was situated between his slightly spread legs. Rukia turned red when she felt something pressing into her leg in the general vicinity of Ichigo's 'Groin Goodies' As they turned their heads, both of them were met with resistance. Then it dawned on them; they where kissing.

The sprang apart, blushing heavily and spluttering. They turned on Naruto who was laughing hard. The blonde froze at seeing and feeling two death glares. He chuckled nervously before bolting, screaming his head off as Ichigo and Rukia pelted after him. The group of girls watched, astonished and dumbfounded at the antics. And so did the guys, save Keigo, who was grumbling about 'ladies men' and Chad, who was chuckling.

"I like Naruto's sense of humor, and how he picks on Ichigo. It's funnier than a comedy show." the other two boys stared at Chad, astonished but were dragged from their surprise by a twin shout of "GOTCHAAAA!!"

"AIEEEE! I'M SORRY!! IT WAS JUST A JOKE YOU KNOW?! HA HA, ANYWAY YOU GUYS LIKED IT! RIGHT!?"

No reply was heard, except when Naruto started screaming in pain.

Later, Rukia would try to subtly use her memory replacement device on Keigo to see how it would work. Unfortunately for her, it backfired, as Keigo later announced to the whole class that while he and Naruto were eating lunch and chatting about girls, they saw Ichigo and Rukia making out under a tree. While those that had been there put it down to Keigo being Keigo, the rest of the class had given them weird looks but had dismissed it. Or would have, had Naruto- whose bruises had mysteriously disappeared- not backed up the story.

Ichigo groaned as the class stared. "I hate my life." He grumbled, trying to tear out a few locks of his hair.

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There! I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter of The Strawberry and The fishcake. I know there wasn't much action from Naruto but there will be soon trust me.

As always, criticism and praise is welcome…especially praise. Any questions will be answered personally, and then collectively when the next chapter comes out…One point, please: **READ THE FIC!!** While some people did help and point out Naruto would change in personality since he had been alive for twenty years, I thank you for saying that. But you should understand that the basis of this fic is that Naruto had been alive for **TWO THOUSAND YEARS!!!** Sheesh, read the notes, idjits!

Uncle Joe

And Dirty Reid


	3. Chapter 3

**Written and Directed by Uncle Joe**

**Editor: ChaosDriver who gladly stood in for Dirty Reid who is on holiday.**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS BOYS AND GIRLS SINCE I HAVE NO MONEY I'D FIGURED I'D TRY TO ENTERTAIN YOU WITH A NEW CHAPTER RATHER THAN A CHRISTMAS PRESENT HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!.**

**I'll say this now so no one will miss it. Sadly I can not think of a conceivable way for Naruto characters to turn up in this fic other than Naruto and Kyuubi. However there is an idea I'm, working on that will show A single character but they won't have a great affect on anything other than Naruto's self view. **

**Also other issues to be Addressed. Naruto's power level and why it's small will be addressed in this chapter.**

**NURAMON- You suggested that Naruto's Zanpukuto was already in shikai since it's in two swords and I totally understand where you're coming from. However he has yet to achieve it. Two of the captains have dual swords; one gets the dual swords from shikai while the other already has the dual swords in pre-release…that is just like Naruto.**

**This chapter will also begin to focus more on Naruto. You'll begin to see more of the story from his point of view, so he'll need certain basic things explained to him. He wasn't there to see what happened to the others after all.**

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Naruto grinned to himself in the mirror; Urahara had finally gotten around to getting him a bucket hat. It went well with his current white and black outfit. He looked over his shoulder at the sleeping Yoruichi and a brown haired female teenager who had to be about eighteen. Urahara had commented the other day that Yoruichi was apparently experimenting to see if gigai could get pregnant. He had been smacked through a wall for his troubles. Although Naruto had to admit, they where acting like a pair of teenagers when it came to sex.

Last night it had been a little different though.

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Yoruichi sat on Naruto's kitchen counter sweaty and flushed.

"Why don't we try something different Naruto?"

"Alright, I'll go buy a karma sutra." Yoruichi smirked and shook her head.

"Nooo, I want you…" she paused for effect placing a hand on his bare chest with a playful smirk on her lips "…to go out and bring back another woman!"

Naruto's jaw hit the floor, he certainly hadn't expected that.

"W-wha?" he stuttered in surprise "Uhm…yeah, okay."

Yoruichi watched him leave with a pleased smile; this was going to be fun!

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If he had to be honest with himself, he had to say that he didn't really care about the extra chore he had to perform last night. It had been fun, fulfilling, relaxing and good exercise. He looked over his shoulder as Yoruichi stretched out and his eyes shined when he heard her give off a little whine, protesting against his missing warmth.

The second girl simply slept on.

Yoruichi's eyes fluttered open and she spotted him still in the room, she gave him one of those saucy grins of hers she knew he loved so much. Naruto was everything she had ever wanted in a man; brave, strong and good in the bedroom. She had been greatly disliked by most of her clan growing up, her mother being the only exception. The elder Shihouin woman had practically given birth to a clone of herself, they were so alike in personality. A woman who was wild and rebellious in a clan that was generally calm peaceful and unassuming, due to this Yoruichi had not been able to find a man that fit exactly what she was searching for until now.

A powerful and strong willed warrior who was also kind and caring and compassionate, she had expected to never find the man she was looking for. A man of opposites; caring and compassionate to all, yet ruthless and utterly unforgiving to those who truly could not be redeemed while playful and serious when appropriate. Dominating yet submissive when it called for it, she couldn't help but smirk at that last thought. Naruto could utterly dominate her in all things even in a fight if it truly came down to it, yet when she wanted him to submit he would simply submit because that's what she wanted.

The one thing she had always looked for but never found in any of her sexual partners was the ability to keep up with her. Naruto had blown her out of the water with that one; he could fuck her till she passed out. He'd done so on one occasion when she'd mocked him about it. She couldn't find the will in her to regret it.

There however was one quality that the cat woman had never looked for but found in Naruto that made her believe she could fall in love with him. He approached everything with an almost child like wonder, it didn't matter if he'd done it before everything was fun and exciting to him. This added a whole new aspect to her sex life with the world traveler. She knew as a shinigami who could live for thousands of years that sex lives where non existent among older couples, as there was nothing new they could do.

Naruto was different, everything even if they had done the same before he approached with a passion interest and dedication as if it where their first time. Yoruichi suddenly realized one thing above all else, even if she didn't love him she knew that she would never have nor ever want another lover than the blonde haired fox.

Naruto cocked his head to the side as Yoruichi spaced out. It was odd for her. He shook his head to help clear his thoughts; he had to get to school.

"I gotta go Yoruichi, I'll see you later." he shot a look at the second, still sleeping woman "Say thanks to Mizuho for me for the great night!"

Yoruichi sighed with a bit of frustration and amusement "Kisuke wants some help with the newest crackpot scheme he came up with later, so I don't know when I'll be back"

"Hmm…" Naruto mumbled in thought "Ok, I'll see you whenever then." he pouted a bit before it brightened in a mischievous grin "Have fun! Ja!"

"Ja!"

Naruto left and began to leisurely stroll towards school. While walking he decided to devote some serious brain power and time to some questions that had been bugging him for a while now. Like what did that world traveling jutsu really do and why didn't he have as much Reiatsu as he had Charka? Also, why the hell did Kyuubi still have charka?

He immediately put his body on autopilot while he shot these questions at the only person he figured would know.

Kyuubi was a bit startled by these questions. She herself had completely forgotten to explain everything in detail, when she should have.

She cleared her throat; she was going to be talking for a while.

"Well the simple reason as to why I have Chakra is because unlike you I have something in common with this world, hell I have something in common with ALL worlds in existence."

"And that would be..?"

"Hell is the same everywhere" the kitsune answered simply.

Naruto nodded, that made sense but something was still nagging at him. "What about soul society isn't that heaven?"

"Not really." the Kyuubi disagreed "It's not true heaven; my guess would be that once something truly dies in this world it gets sent to heaven."

He nodded in understanding "Ok I understand now, but what about Reiatsu?"

"It's simple really Chakra is the essence of life, Reiatsu the essence of death or your spirit. It's so completely different that your control is shot to hell. The reason you have a lot less than you think you should have is simple." she gave him a smirk "Try moving it about."

Naruto did and muttered to himself as he worked.

"Its harder to move …thicker almost…thicker means more potent…Of COURSE!." he yelled in triumph "Reiatsu has got to be at least twenty times more potent than Chakra, so if I have all my Chakra compressed into one twentieth of what it used to be I get my current level. Yet with your Chakra being converted to Reiatsu I should grow at an exponential rate like I used to."

"I knew you could figure it out Naruto-kun." she praised him "Finally the world transfer jutsu was something we both cooked up, remember? It was a bastardized version of the summoning technique for both demons and the shinigami with my own special twist." she paused a little to let it sink in "That twist is the technique demons use to move from hell to a world and back again, though this is from world to world. Or universe to Universe if you prefer."

"Oh…ok…I guess that explains everything, if I come across anymore questions I'll be sure to ask you." Naruto muttered with a sense of everything finally clicking into place.

"No problem, oh you're at school already." the Kyuubi's words caused him to return to the world.

He nodded as he stopped spacing out. Little did he know that today would be another really weird day.

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Naruto arrived a little late to lunch, just in time to see Rukia staring bewildered at a juice carton and Chad explaining why he was bandaged up.

Naruto stared; he had been damm lucky to catch himself from mentioning Yoruichi when the bird started to talk. This was strange; he could tell right away it wasn't a shinigami or a hollow. He decided to question Rukia, the more knowledgeable person on shinigami matters. Yoruichi would probably shunt the question to Urahara who would experiment on the bird.

He overheard Rukia answering both his and Ichigo's unasked questions

He sat down and stared at the bird for a few seconds before Keigo asked a question.

"So Naruto when you next going to pull a prank?" Rukia and Ichigo stiffened at Naruto's sadistic grin.

"Well I got an idea, it'll take some slight of hand and a cool magic trick but I reckon I could do it. Hey Ichigo" Ichigo tensed "When I turn back up and you'll know it's me introduce me as your cousin who just transferred in."

Ichigo nodded slowly, still having no idea what was going on. Naruto leapt to his feet and ambled out of sight. A few minutes later Orihime, Tatsuki, Chizuru and the rest of the girls' group arrived on the roof.

They settled down into a conversation when someone else turned up on the roof. Ichigo's jaw hit the floor, no way this was who he thought it was. Long legs, voluptuous body heart shaped face. Full lips deep soulful blue eyes and silky blonde hair, the new and beautiful girl walked up to the group and smiled sweetly at them.

"Hello I'm Naruko" she said in an almost musical voice.

Ichigo swallowed and found his voice, the girls had assumed that the reason the boys where frozen was because she was pretty. Chizuru a loud and proud lesbian was drooling at the sight of the girl.

"She's my cousin" everyone looked at him when he said it and Chad and Keigo got in on the act.

Chad nodded as if he just confirmed something "I remember you said she was transferring here"

Keigo approached her and in his usual loud voice exclaimed "Your so beautiful, will you go out with me?"

Naruko smiled and blushed lightly and in a quiet voice said "I'm sorry I don't like guys" Chizuru gasped and Keigo turned away crying. Ichigo wasn't sure if Keigo realized what was going on till he saw the sly smile on his lecherous friends face.

Chizuru sidled up next to Naruko. "A-are, a-are you a lesbian?"

Naruko nodded shyly.

Chizuru moved and kissed her full on the lips. The entire groups eyes widened in shock as Chizuru bowled this new girl over in a full and passionate lip lock. She pulled back panting and blushing "I-I'm sorry I don't know what came over me"

"It's, Ok." Everything froze over. Naruko's voice was now deep and masculine and frighteningly familiar.

POOF

The sudden explosion of smoke sent Chizuru reeling backwards. The smoke cleared revealing Naruto with a self satisfied smile on his face. He grinned widely.

"You're a pretty good kisser Chizuru"

The boys doubled over in laughter while Rukia had trouble suppressing a giggle, they didn't know how he did it but he had. Chizuru's eyes widened in horror her face went white as a sheet before she passed out.

Naruto roared with laughter as the girls recovered from their shock and giggled. "How did you do that Naruto?"

"Magic" Orihime gasped then squealed like a little girl before asking Naruto to perform other magic tricks. He did so but only minor slight of hand like a flower out of his sleeve or something else.

Someone else arrived on the roof. "Keigo, you forgot your lunch."

"Oh thanks Mizuho." Naruto stiffened. This time Ichigo was the only one to notice that Naruto's face had drained of color as he slowly turned and faced Keigo's sister. He made a choking sound that drew everyone's attention. Ichigo really knew something was up when Mizuho gasped then blushed crimson.

Keigo frowned, his friend Naruto and his sister where acting kind of strange. The ever present perverted part of his brain which took up twice as much brain power as in a usual man, which meant a total of fifty percent of his total brain power was dedicated to perverseness. That large part of his brain made a connection then it clicked.

All eyes turned to Keigo as he stammered.

"Y-y-y-y-y-you….YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!" Jaws dropped and Naruto seemed to shrink under scrutiny. Tatsuki stood up eyes blazing. She advanced on the cowering Naruto.

"I thought you said you had a girlfriend?" Mizuho spoke finally ignoring her shocked brother.

"Hey leave him alone it was his girlfriend's idea." jaws that had just been picked up hit the floor again.

Tatsuki's rage burned brighter "You mean to say your girlfriend told you to go out pick up a random girl and sleep with her and it just happened to be Keigo's older sister?"

Naruto cringed. "Well not exactly."

Keigo who was still recovering from the fact a friend of his had slept with his sister who had said she was spending the night at a friends didn't care that Naruto's girlfriend was involved. That was until he picked up the "not exactly" he heard it, deciphered it and it registered.

Ichigo watched in amusement as Naruto was just about to be torn apart by an irate Tatsuki. The girl just wouldn't admit she was attracted to him, hell even he could see that. His amusement stopped when Keigo gave a shrill scream blushing beat red and fainted.

"What's wrong with him now?"

Chad coughed as if clearing his throat and ignored the frantic and threatening gestures Naruto was making in his direction. The gestures became more complicated until Chad got the impression that Naruto was going to shove something very long and very big where it wasn't supposed to go.

"I believe Keigo realized that not only did Naruto sleep with Mizuho but so did his girlfriend."

Mizuho gasped and passed out next to her brother. The girls where blushing heavily and staring at nothing. Orihime was eating…something, happily oblivious to what's going on around her. Tatsuki ignoring and suppressing her blush at the thought of being with Naruto AND another woman turned to find he was gone. A dust cloud vaguely resembling him in shape the only sign he had ever even been there.

Rukia appeared to be caught between amusement at Ichigo's obvious discomfort and a mild amount of disgust at Naruto's apparent sexual habits. She had met people as old or older than the blonde but they weren't that lecherous. Her amusement and disgust faded away to embarrassment when she caught a furtive glance by a blushing Ichigo to her then to Orihime.

She blushed and looked away. It was all Naruto's fault; if he didn't keep suggesting that something was going on between her and Ichigo she wouldn't find herself so uncomfortable when she knew he was changing in his room. It was his fault when she walked in on him half undressed and had drooled.

Yep, totally Naruto's fault.

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Naruto was walking with Ichigo to his house. He almost never had dinner during a school day at his apartment, it was generally at Ichigo's or Orihime place. He was just as confused as Ichigo when Karin rushed past in an awful hurry.

Yuzu walked up to them carrying a box full of items "Welcome home Ichigo, hello Naruto"

Naruto waved while Ichigo spoke up "So what's got you both so worked up?"

"There was an accident, a big car wreck down at the corner." Naruto and Ichigo shared a look before hearing Isshin shouting into a phone. He was apparently trying to get hospital beds for the injured as his small clinic couldn't handle the influx.

"Uhm, hey dad" Isshin swore under his breath ignoring Ichigo "So…uhm…is there anything I can do?"

"No, just assume the fetal position and stay out of the way." Ichigo face faulted while Naruto held in a chuckle.

Ichigo settled into a crouch in an out of the way corner. Naruto ambled over to him. "Hey wanna play cards?"

A few minutes later Ichigo was swearing like a sailor, he wished he hadn't bet his allowance in this game. Naruto was grinning like a Cheshire cat as he raked in the money.

"Hey Dad we got this one last patient that needs treatment" it was Yuzu. They heard Isshin mutter something about the guy's size.

"Ichigo, Naruto come here and get to work." they where on their feet in a second and rounded the corner the next. Both froze at the sight that greeted them, a badly hurt Chad. Naruto rushed over and in a feat that made everyone but Ichigo's jaw dropped lifted Chad with a single hand and deposited him on an empty bed.

As Isshin checked him over Naruto and Ichigo watched the bird and Chad alternatively. Karin was also staring at the bird. Naruto's eyes widened in surprise when Chad tried to leave and fainted from blood loss.

A few minutes later Naruto sat on Ichigo's windowsill having pretended to leave to Ichigo's family already, while Rukia discussed what she had felt.

"The bird isn't evil and is most likely harmless, but the burn on Chad's back reeks of hollow." the trio talked a little more until Naruto realized everything was over and he left.

Rukia and Ichigo settled down in the closet and bed respectively.

Naruto, once he was sure they where asleep, crept back in by the window. He first pulled down Ichigo's bed sheet. Unfortunately Ichigo was a light sleeper.

"Wha?" Naruto chopped him on the neck knocking him out. Naruto had an easier time with Rukia. He opened the closer and lifted her small form out, then with a slight difficulty in getting her into the right position set her down on Ichigo's chest. Naruto watched in amusement as she murmured then snuggled deeper into the replacement shinigami's chest. Ichigo by pure instinct and reflex wrapped an arm around her in his unconscious state. Naruto lifted the blanket and draped it over the two of them.

He giggled quietly as he took out a camera and snapped off a couple of shots. He snickered in the silence as he left. He was good. Hell he was the best.

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Later that night Ichigo woke up, he dismissed the shadow that hit him as a weird dream and attributed the ache in his neck to sleeping awkwardly and he went back to sleep. He never noticed the light weight on his chest.

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Naruto snuck back into Ichigo's room just before dawn. They were still asleep but the position was more provocative. Rukia had turned over in her sleep she was now lying with her back on Ichigo's chest. Her head however was buried in the orange haired boy's neck. Ichigo's hand was under her shirt dangerously close to her breasts.

Naruto grinned, he had gotten the pictures from last night printed then borrowed a Polaroid camera from Urahara so he could print off the blackm…pictures faster.

Naruto raised the camera and took a single shot. The flash woke up Rukia.

Rukia woke up groggily, her bed was a lot warmer than usual and it was also a lot harder. She sighed and realized her lips where pressed against the wall…she frowned and licked her lips. Since when did walls sweat and taste faintly of strawberries. She pursed her lips again and touched the wall…since when did they have pulses too.

Her eyes widened in horror as she realized what exactly her lips where pressed against. She sat up with a shriek. She then noticed she was in Ichigo's bed sitting on him. She shrieked again thankfully neither where loud enough to go further than the room, something was different. She growled when she spotted Naruto leaning against the wall tears of mirth streaming down his face as he watched the two of them. Ichigo was slowly awakening by then.

Rukia jumped off him and charged.

Naruto raised a hand a small object grasped in it.

Rukia stopped growing pale.

Naruto had a picture of her sleeping on top of Ichigo.

Ichigo awoke. Rukia was standing with a horrified look on her face at something Naruto was holding.

"Wha?" he got a good look at the picture. He jumped out of bed blushing crimson from anger more than anything.

"Uh uh uh" Naruto shook his finger at them "You attack me or rip this one up the whole school will see the others." Ichigo fell to his knees, horror and embarrassment and resignation gripping his heart and soul. Naruto had gotten him, had gotten both of them.

Rukia smiled sweetly "Naruto could you please give all the pictures to me, I swear I won't hurt you and I'll be nicer from now on" Naruto looked thoughtful.

"Nah" Rukia bristled.

"Tell ya what?" both the embarrassed prank victims where suddenly attentive "You two kiss right here right now and I'll give you one of the photos. And not some pansy ass peck either a real honest to god kiss between oh lets say…Lovers"

Ichigo was about to shout at him when Rukia's shoulders slumped…no way. She turned to Ichigo was a desperate look in her eyes. He sighed.

"Fine." Naruto smirked. Rukia and Ichigo's lips met, Rukia hesitantly deepened the kiss and Ichigo wrapped his arms around her. Rukia's mind was racing; she hadn't wanted to do this so why was her heart racing or her cheeks flushing. Why did she want to moan?

FLASH!!

Their eyes widened in horror as the tore apart. Naruto smiled at them cheerfully and tossed them a sedate photo of Rukia merely lying on Ichigo's chest.

Rukia tore it up and glared at Naruto who smiled knowingly.

"You will get the images back I promise." Ichigo relaxed Naruto never broke a promise that he knew.

"You'll just have to do some stuff first." both paled.

"Like what?" asked a tentative Rukia.

"One of you…only one admits you like the other in front of the group. I'll choose who later and tell you as soon as mission is accomplished you get one photo. Don't worry I'll set it up." with a cheery wave he leap out the window.

"He owns us doesn't he?"

"Yes he does Ichigo yes he does"

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Ichigo headed down to the kitchen and saw Yuzu preparing breakfast.

"So is Karin up yet?"

"She didn't want to eat, she said she's not feeling so good. I'm worried"

"Really? Karin's sick, that's not like her." Suddenly a door opened.

"ICHIGO!" it was his dad "Bad news, Chad's gone he's disappeared from his room." Ichigo gravely nodded and took off as fast as he could.

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Ichigo was running trying to find Chad.

"Ichigo!!" it was Rukia followed by Naruto in shinigami form.

"Rukia"

"So you got any idea about where he might be?" asked Rukia. Naruto stayed silent, slightly worried himself.

"No, you got any info?"

"Not yet there's no news from soul society about a hollow and I'm not sensing anything either"

She quickly pulled out her sketch book.

"When hollows aren't chasing wholes they can hide themselves between this world and the soul society. When a hollow is located between those two worlds we cannot detect it. What that means is until it shows up to attack Chad. You understand? You got it?"

Naruto and Ichigo looked at each other and spoke in unison "We think we can understand those kinder garden drawings of yours." Rukia's face darkened and her eyebrow twitched. She shoved the book into Ichigo's gut and kicked Naruto in the shin.

Naruto hopped on one foot as Ichigo spoke "I think we got it, a hollow is targeting Chad to swallow up his soul. If we wait for it to show up and attack him it will be too late. Gotta think?" he paused then smirked "I got an idea we'll use Chad's bird friend. Can we use that bird to help detect the presence of a hollow?"

"No, that's impossible." Ichigo huffed and closed his eyes. His face screwed up as he concentrated.

Ichigo began to glow. Naruto looked at him smiling slightly impressed.

"I-Ichigo what's this sensation I'm feeling?" asked Rukia he didn't answer her.

"H-he's trying to sense the soul in that bird, even I can't sense a soul that weak at this distance and that human soul is partially eclipsed by the bird soul. To home in on it from so far away..." she left the sentence unfinished. Naruto whistled and rocked on his heels waiting for Ichigo to finish.

Suddenly Ichigo grabbed a white cloth that had appeared out of thin air.

"Wow" obviously Rukia was impressed. He ran off.

"He saw spirit ribbons, rays of spirit energy but only a high level soul reaper can see those." they quickly followed him.

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After about a minute of following Ichigo Chad appeared up ahead, he ignored Ichigo's shout and ran off.

"Ichigo!" Ichigo turned and gasped it was Karin and she looked ill.

"Karin what are you doing here you look really sick." she fell over.

Ichigo quickly ran up to her.

"Ichigo, you need to get Karin home safe." all eyes turned to Rukia "We'll handle them"

"What are you kidding me? I can't just leave you"

"Just do as I say, I know what would happen if we leave her here. You'd be worrying about her when you fight the hollow. And that can not happen here no matter what"

Her phone beeped. She pulled it out and grimaced. "Naruto two hollows to the west get moving." he nodded and disappeared.

"Now go on get moving get her home and get back here quick now that Naruto's gone."

"Rukia I hope you know that right now you don't have the strength to fight a hollow by yourself. Please don't risk yourself for my sake"

"Don't be stupid a veteran soul reaper never takes any unnecessary chances with a hollow." she looked back at him with a small smile on her face. "Now go" without another word she continued to follow Chad.

Ichigo picked up Karin and got moving.

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Naruto's face twisted into an expression no one on this world had seen. A feral snarl, he was hunting.

His eyes slowly shifted over to red, he had found that after his first century of existence his love of battle had grown to epic proportions. He loved big odds, the more opponents against him the better if they where powerful it was fantastic. He had gained a measure of bloodlust, he didn't always like to kill but when his battle rage was upon him he would slaughter his enemy without mercy.

He drew both swords and jumped off a roof. He flew high and far due to the power of his jump. He fell exactly where he wanted to be. Right on top of the first hollow, his impact with its back knocked it off balance sending it tumbling. He grinned at the other shocked hollow and leapt towards it.

The hollow snarled and dodged but let loose a powerful howl as two of its four limbs where severed. The hollow was shaped like an ape, it died with a scream as Naruto stabbed its mask. The other a wolf like hollow snarled and charged his back. Naruto spun and with a single slash killed it.

Naruto sheathed his swords and smiled. A job well done. He took a single step before freezing. His hands twitched towards his blades before leaping aside as the ground exploded. He rolled to his feet and grinned. A new hollow, the grin faded when ten more arrived.

They chuckled. "We got you little Shinigami time to feed." they charged with a roar.

Naruto drew his swords and leapt forward with a feral snarl.

His sword flashed and a hollow died.

Little did he know a shinigami was watching him with open curiosity. The strange blonde could help his plans or hinder them. Another hollow died and the blonde was surrounded. He sighed; he had hoped the boy would do a lot better than this.

Naruto snarled his eyes glowed blood red and his nails formed into claws. With a roar the world died.

Aizen barely kept his jaw from dropping in surprise. With an inhuman roar a dome of red energy sprang into life obliterating all it touched. One hollow survived but it howled in pain as half its body was gone. The dome faded and revealed a Naruto who looked as fresh as he was before the fight. He killed the hollow and ran off the way he came.

Aizen sensed the boy was holding back a hell of a lot, the boy's reflexes where as quick as lightning but he ran at a speed most shinigami could easily match. Aizen smirked and headed back to soul society, he'd have to find out how to corrupt the blonde. How little he knew.

Naruto shivered but dismissed it at having had to use Kyuubi's chakra after so long. Especially that attack, controlling it was extremely hard it was designed to wipe out a much larger area. He leapt and ran towards where he could sense something going on. He smirked to himself as he preformed acrobatics bouncing twirling swinging off all manner of objects. Lamp posts buildings cars etc. He was wired after that fight.

"God that was a pathetic fight, I really need an all out brawl against someone strong"

He arrived soon seeing Ichigo, Chad and Rukia standing around the bird in its cage.

He landed just as Rukia examined the cage. Ichigo nodded at him and turned to Rukia

"What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid there is nothing I can do his chain of fate has been severed there's no sign of it without it I can't return him to his body"

The bird spoke "Oh no"

Chad murmured the bird's name. Rukia smiled.

"Don't be sad, the soul society is a wonderful place it's very peaceful. You'll be happy there, you'll never be hungry and you'll never grow old. In fact it's a much better place to live than this world." Naruto held in a snort he would believe that when he saw it.

Ichigo leaned down "So now you're suddenly an expert on life in this world."

"Wha?" Ichigo interrupted her

"Anyway you're missing the point here. When you cross over you'll finally be reunited with your mother. We may not be able to bring her back to life but she is on the other side waiting for you. And this time it's really true."

The bird turned to Chad "Sado-san thank you for everything you did for me. You carried me everywhere in your arms and you kept me safe. You where even brave enough to face a terrible monster and protect me from it"

"Don't mention it."

"I guess its time to go now. I don't know what else to say except thank you, all of you." a small ethereal boy appeared behind the bird.

Chad spoke "When I die and pass over would it be alright with you if I carried you around again?" the kid nodded and gave a beaming smile.

Ichigo gave the kid a reassuring smile. "Let's perform the Konso"

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A few days later

Naruto stared as Rukia entered Urahara's shop. She was looking for something specific. He was here for a completely different reason. His Zanpukuto had been giving him an odd feeling recently and he didn't feel safe contacting them anywhere but in the insulated chamber beneath sandal hat's shop. He grinned at her as she spotted him.

Rukia had no idea why Naruto was in Urahara's shop and not in school but he probably had a reason. She nodded to him and walked out with her package. Urahara turned to Naruto after she had gone.

"Ah Naruto how can I help you today?" before Naruto could answer a cat jumped to his shoulders and curled around his neck. He didn't react in shock but just scratched it behind the ears and smirked as she purred. Strangely enough if you scratched Yoruichi somewhere as a cat then kissed her in roughly the same place on her body you'd get basically the same reaction.

"I want to fight you, I need a good work out and none of these hollows are giving me a true fight." Urahara looked shocked for a second before smiling and gesturing for Naruto to follow him. Tessai locked up as they all headed down to the basement.

Naruto was soon going through katas as Urahara just stared at him cane in hand. Naruto spun his blades one more time and faced Kisuke ignoring the audience. He bounced on his feet one more time.

"Ready Urahara." Kisuke nodded. Yoruichi watched in shock as Naruto went under a subtle transformation. His smile disappeared turning his face into a blank mask. Life disappeared from his eyes making the warm inviting blue they usually where look about as inviting as an iceberg infested lake in the artic.

Naruto charged, Urahara parried and quickly found himself on the defensive. Naruto was unrelenting and unforgiving. Yoruichi watched in awe as Urahara barely dodge a slash that would have ended his life. Naruto was fighting with a ferocity she had seen only Kenpachi possess, but he was also fighting with a level of skill coordination and grace that she had only seen once in her entire life. The one time she had seen Yamamoto take to the field in battle.

Urahara was sweating, he hadn't had a fight like this in centuries scratch that he'd never had a fight with an opponent this good in swordplay. He grinned.

"Okiro, Benihime." Yoruichi's and all the Urahara shop workers jaws dropped as Urahara pulled out his shikai. There was a flash of light, when they could see again Yoruichi cursed violently and prepared to get help.

Naruto was impaled on Benihime's blade staring into the face of a stunned Urahara. He grinned and with a roar struck the shop owner in the face with the hilt of his sword. Urahara rocketed back from the blow, Benihime flew out of the wound she had made as blood spurted from Urahara's crushed nose.

Naruto smiled, he sensed his blades where like him only in true harmony in true happiness in a fight. Blood flowed, pain blossomed and death waited in a fight. It was the only way to live.

Something tickled in his mind and he found himself on the mountaintop once again.

"**We believe you can hear our name now?"**

"Really?"

"**Yes you could hear our name for a while now but you needed a battle to bring us out to fight. Listen and use us well we are…"**

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Urahara held a hand to his broken nose and glared at the grinning Naruto. Naruto suddenly crossed his blades in front of him, the cutting edge of his left hand katana touching the back of the right.

"Born in the fires of creation, flying in the winds of time. Soar to the heavens to descend and scorch the earth clean of life. King of Dragons. **FIGHT BAHUMAT!!"** Urahara's jaw dropped. Naruto had released his Shikai.

There was an explosion a fireball raged in place of where Naruto stood. A figure leaped out of the flames and smoke.

CLANG!!

Urahara could feel his bones groan in protest at the unearthly strong blow. He stared at Naruto's weapon and felt an uncomfortable worm of fear dig into his stomach.

The spectators where in shock, Yoruichi gained her senses enough to study the sword. It was beautiful but it had to be the nastiest sword she had ever seen in her life.

Six feet of blade with a one foot handle it was pitch black in color. The handle was placed directly in the center at the bottom of the blade. The cutting edge of the blade was serrated until it reached the top of the blade where it curled back. The very edge of the blade was blood red. (Imagine Zabuza's sword without the holes in its design).

Amazingly Jinta was the first to speak "That's not a sword it's a slab of metal with an edge" they all had to agree.

Naruto growled deep in his throat. He pulled back and made to cut Urahara in half. The man jumped just in the nick of time; as he flipped over Naruto he noticed the rock that had been behind him was cut in half.

He landed and mused out loud "So it's a wind Zanpaktou."

Naruto snarled and twirled even though Urahara was out of his reach he swung the blade straight down burying it in the earth. There was an explosion and a line of fire shot towards Urahara.

"WHAT?" he screamed as he dived out of the way. Naruto advanced again.

"ENOUGH!" he paused and turned Yoruichi was walking towards him. He shrugged and laid his sword against his back. It hung their magically the hilt sticking over his shoulder. Urahara stood up and dusted himself off and stared at Naruto's blade in undisguised curiosity.

"A dual element Zanpaktou, never seen that before." Naruto shrugged and gave a crooked grin.

Yoruichi stalked up to him and confronted him "What was that Naruto? You looked like you where trying to kill him!"

Naruto smiled sheepishly "I haven't had a really good fight in centuries and the opportunity presented itself." he shrugged his shoulders not looking all that apologetic "Sorry." his blade began to glow and it reformed into his normal two blades.

He shivered slightly and grinned "I wonder what happened at school today?" he asked himself as they headed back up into the shop.

Urahara noticed something in the store "Wait a sec...oh man."

A few seconds later Jinta was standing on top of a box labeled defective goods and pointing it out to Ururu. Tessai was explaining about soul candy to Naruto and how this one was a Mod soul, an artificial soul with a personality. Apparently Rukia had taken it for Ichigo. Naruto snickered this was going to be great.

"You know if we're not real careful this gikongan could cause some serious problems." Urahara mumbled.

Naruto watched the Urahara shop inhabitants carefully as he stroked Yoruichi who was once again curled up on his shoulders "Your right there's no telling what he might do if we let him run loose out there."

Urahara suddenly realized something "Hey Naruto if you're here in your soul form then where's your body?"

Naruto blinked and sighed "Kyuubi learned she can force my soul from my body so she's sort of like an always on hand Gikongan but much stronger thanks to her chakra. She transformed into a chick using my body then went shopping. She wanted some female clothes for when she's got to spend long periods in my form or when you finally develop that specialized gigai for her. She was also going to catch a movie I think"

Kisuke nodded and started to give orders.

While Tessai and Jinta disappeared to get what they needed Urahara pulled a large object wrapped in bandages down from a shelf.

"Like they say what's done is done" Naruto snickered as he leaned on a nearby wall waiting.

"Umm Mr. Kisuke, Sir." it was Ururu "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I know this is all my fault I hope that your not mad at me." when Urahara reached out his hand Ururu closed her eyes and winced waiting for the hit. When a hand gentle came to rest on her head she gasped and looked up.

"There's no need to be afraid Ururu, we're in this together. So you made a big mistake." he pulled her towards him in a one armed hug "You didn't do it on purpose and accidents happen. Don't you worry I'll take care of everything" Ururu began to cry in gratitude and relief. Naruto smiled nostalgically remembering his own kids.

"Excuse me Mr. Kisuke everything's ready sir."

Urahara looked over his shoulder at Jinta and Tessai "Good let's collect the merchandize."

Naruto smirked, he cracked his neck then his knuckles as the others got ready. "Heh, I'm never gonna let Ichigo live this one down." he murmured to himself earning a snicker from Kisuke and a chuckle from the cat that jumped to his shoulders.

Naruto followed Urahara to where the mod soul was.

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Naruto watched in fascination as Ichigo talked to the mod soul in his own body about something.

Urahara spoke "Well look who we have here." he walked up to the mod soul playing with his cane "So finally we find you, and what a picture your all beat up and worn out all that trouble for nothing." he pointed his cane at Ichigo's body. The mod soul grunted as the cane hit his head and knocked him out of the body.

Ichigo stared in shock while Naruto watched on in boredom. He'd seen the cane before.

"Mission accomplished we're done lets go home" Urahara said as he picked up the mod soul in its candy form and walked over to his group.

"WHHAAAT?!" shouted Jinta before he complained "Come on I came here to have a real fight and that's all I get."

"HEY!" Ichigo moved towards Urahara "Hold it what are you gonna do with that mod soul now?"

Kisuke looked over his shoulder his bucket hat shadowing his eyes.

"No choice I got to destroy him" Ichigo flinched before asking a question that made Naruto groan

"You see me? How can that be? Just who are you guys anyway?" Kisuke smiled

"I'm not sure how to answer that question." he tossed the mod soul into the air expecting to catch it but a petite female hand snatched it out of the air first.

It was Rukia "I believe that's mine thanks"

"Miss Kuchiki you can't have that"

"And why can't I have it Kisuke. Are you saying it's your policy to seize goods that your customers have already paid for?" Naruto snickered as Rukia spoke.

"Hey I'll give you a full refund, how does that to you?" offered the surprised store owner.

"That's ok I'm completely satisfied with my purchase. Besides I know and you know that you're operating outside the law and I also know it's not your job to recall this mod soul."

Urahara shrugged "I just hope you know what you're getting involved in, so don't blame me if you get into trouble." Rukia turned back to Ichigo with a smirk

"I won't I've already dealt with a lot of trouble since I've been here." Urahara groaned.

Rukia walked up to Ichigo "Here!" she handed him the mod soul "Come on lets go." Ichigo stared down at the mod soul for a few seconds.

"NAARUUUTOOO!!" everyone jumped and they where all surprised to see a buxom redhead running towards Naruto.

"Oh hey Kyuubi. Get your shopping done?" she nodded and the image of a woman was replaced with Naruto in a black jacket and jeans with something stuffed in his back pocket. Naruto stepped into his body regaining control.

He rolled his shoulders and sighed before pulling a hat just like Kisuke's out of his back pocket and settling it on his head. "Lets go Ichigo" Ichigo nodded still slightly bewildered before jumping into his own body.

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They where walking past a construction site in a comfortable silence when Ichigo stopped groaning in pain at his wounded shoulder. The mod soul had gotten his body damaged while fighting a hollow.

"You're really feeling it"

"Sure am that mod soul took my body for a pretty rough test drive" he pulled the mod soul candy out of his pocket. "He tried to wreck me. HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" Naruto raised an eyebrow at the boy shouting at a piece of candy.

Rukia sighed "I must say you look awfully silly yelling at a pill in public" Ichigo blushed and growled.

"I still want to tell him how I feel, help me out here. Is there a way I can give this damm mod soul what's coming to him?" he looked at Naruto.

"No way man, first time I let Kyuubi use my body I woke up in the middle of a large city butt naked I ain't doing that again."

Ichigo snickered and looked at Rukia who was thoughtful.

"You need to insert him into a body, a dead body or one that doesn't have a soul" Ichigo smiled and started looking around for one.

"Ah ha I got ya, I'm looking around for a dead body and once I find it BAM is he going to get it." Rukia repressed a giggle.

"Just be quiet" Ichigo spotted something, a stuffed toy.

"What do we have here?" he walked up to the toy sitting on a pile of trash "So let me get this straight your saying a non living object could work for this right?"

Rukia's eyes widened "Hold on that's not exactly how it works." she paused to think "There's a possibility it could work lets try it."

"You think. Alright so what do I do?"

"I would imagine you take the pill and put it in his mouth"

"Thank god its not a repository." both looked at Naruto.

"Huh?"

"You don't know what that is even though your dads a doctor?" a shake of the head "You only got two holes in your body that lead to the digestive track. Your mouth and…" Ichigo paled and Rukia blushed slightly

"Well earlier models…" Naruto blinked and shivered thanking god that they had changed the format.

Ichigo popped the pill into the plushies mouth. Nothing happened. He picked it up "So you got any ideas that might work?"

Naruto decided to help "Smack it around a little" Ichigo slapped it against the fence.

"OWW! That hurts nimrod, got it?" the plushie jumped off Ichigo's hand and to the ground.

"Kurosaki Ichigo I hereby challenge you to a no holds barred duel."

"Count me in." the plushy looked up at the much bigger Ichigo.

"Hey wait! WHEN DID YOU GROW BIG?! Or did I somehow shrink?" it looked at itself.

"What happened I'm in a super cute plush toy with soft paws and no muscle this isn't fair." Ichigo grinned evilly making Naruto take a step back.

"Hey mod soul relax its time for some payback for what you where doing to my body earlier." he grabbed its head an squeezed "Your little field trip could have taken me out completely I need to make you understand."

The mod smirked "I guess I'm going to have to mop the floor with ya just the way I am."

It gave a great battle cry but found itself unable to move in Ichigo's grip. It struggled and grunted but began to scream when Ichigo beat it around. He dropped it and stomped on it sending him into unconsciousness.

They stared at the unconscious toy. "SO what should we call him?" Ichigo wondered.

Rukia had an idea "How about Mod?"

Naruto frowned "Nah that actually sounds cool, he's dorky and perverted apparently lets call him…fuzz face."

"How about Kon?" Naruto shrugged its not like he cared. Rukia nodded.

"Kon it is then." Ichigo picked it up and stuffed him in his backpack.

"See ya Ichigo Rukia I gotta meet up with Orihime for dinner, see you guys tomorrow." they waved and as he reached a corner he turned back and shouted. "HEY RUKIA ICHIGO NEEDS HIS REST FOR TOMMOROW SO NO SEX TONIGHT!" Rukia froze and blushed. She turned to lay into Naruto but he was already gone.

The shinigami and substitute shinigami went home in an awkward silence.

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Naruto found his way home rather quickly. He entered his apartment dropped off his stuff and knocked on Orihime's door. She let him in with a smile.

While they were eating something that was a combination of several different foods Orihime asked a very serious question.

"Naruto-kun do you think Ichigo-kun likes me?" Naruto chewed slowly and swallowed before answering.

"I know for a fact that he's at least attracted to you. He's only attracted to both you and Rukia. Love if that's what you're asking…I have no idea its never come up and he's not an open person. However I'm pretty confident he likes both of you." Orihime blushed and seemed to relax slightly

"Will he ever admit it?"

"Not of his own accord but let me work on it for you, little sister." Orihime blushed and giggled. She did love Naruto like a brother.

"But he's so much closer to Rukia-san I might lose him to her."

"Maybe." Orihime started to tear up "Unless you share."

"W-what?"

"Unless you and Rukia share Ichigo between the two of you." Orihime blushed. "I've seen it work if the guy actually loves both women and both women love him back and are good friends. It'll take some work but I think you can pull it off. But you must be prepared for something"

"W-what?"

"In the heat of the moment when you Rukia and Ichigo are there…you and Rukia might get into each other." Orihime blushed and looked away mumbling something.

"What was that?"

"I-I wouldn't mind as long as Ichigo's there but I don't want to become a lesbian"

"You won't be there are plenty of women who are perfectly straight and wouldn't have sex with another woman. However when a man is there they just might, doesn't mean your bisexual either your just more open when you have sex. My girlfriend's like that."

"Sakura wasn't…she was bi. It gets kind of disturbing when your girlfriend points out women who have nice butts or big breasts." Orihime blushed and giggled. Orihime had noticed before that she wore an almost permanent blush when alone with Naruto. He was so honest and frank. He'd openly talk about sex and had been forestalled from talking about his own sex life before.

The last time he had mentioned anal around Tatsuki and her he gave her a very detailed explanation before her best friend could forestall him. It didn't take long for the irritate black haired young woman to beat him up after that.

Orihime hadn't been able to sit without fidgeting for hours afterwards. Naruto thought it was funny as hell.

Naruto helped her wash up then left soon afterwards after chatting a bit about some romantic comedy Orihime wanted to see. She had giggled up a storm at the disgusted looks on Naruto's face as she described and imitated the sappy love lines in the movie trailer.

Naruto grinned inanely, Orihime was a great girl Ichigo was one lucky dude. He found himself being pushed down on his bed as soon as he entered the room. It was Yoruichi.

"Yoruichi wha?" he didn't finish as her mouth covered his own.

She straddled him and pulled back. "Naruto…make love to me" he blinked.

"Ok" he started to lift himself up but she put a hand on his chest and pushed him back down.

"No Naruto…not sex, Love ok?" he was suddenly confused not entire sure what she was getting at. He searched her eyes and found something he had never seen in her eyes. An emotion he hadn't seen in a woman's eyes for nearly two thousand years. She leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"I love you." she whispered to him huskily, none of her inner turmoil and fear reverberating through her voice.

He grabbed her by her shoulders "Yoruichi are you sure, I mean you never struck me as a person to fall easily?"

"I'm sure." she whispered in determination "I've had lovers before Naruto your not naive you know that and your not worried about it. Those lovers where fleeting physical fun and once it was over and I was satisfied I didn't care about them anymore." she took a slight pause "You're different I can't get enough of you. I've never snuggled up to someone or hugged them in my sleep. You're my man Naruto, I know you and I know your history. There might be other women and as long as they share you and you occasionally share them I can't complain. So please Naruto, make Love to me." he watched her. Her eyes where full of emotion telling him just how vulnerable she was at that exact moment.

He gave her a warm smile, that made her relax if only slightly "Yoruichi, I've had two problems my entire life right from the point I started to see that girls where different from boys. The first problem is that when I fall in love with someone I'll never fall out of love with them, never give up on them and always be there for them. The second is that I fall in love very easily because I just always see a person for who they really are, and I've been in love with someone from the moment I arrived in this world." Yoruichi blinked processing what he said. Her breathing became a little easier and all her worries melted like snow. Her tensing muscles unclenched themselves and she finally grinned at him, causing Naruto to smile a soft smile back.

Lips crashed together and they made love…again and again and again, over and over and over.

Several hours later in the early morning Naruto was thankful that he didn't require much sleep, he only needed to sleep two to three hours a day to stay fresh for a good twenty-four hours.

Yoruichi sighed in contentment and pressed herself up against him as they spooned. He was still erect. She both loved and hated his stamina, loved it because he could out last her in bed but hated it because when she had collapsed and could go no longer her body still craved him and the fact he could still go on made it hard to ignore that need.

She may not be able to handle him being on top anymore or herself being on top she was far too sore. There was something she had never done except when by herself and very bored. She reached down and grabbed him smirking when he gasped. She guided him to where she wanted him. He sighed into her hair when he touched her back door.

"You sure?" her only answer was to press back into him. He slipped inside.

"Fuck your tight." he entered her further until their hips met.

"Nice and slow foxy I've never had anything as big as you back there." he growled into the back of her neck and kept the pace nice and slow. They were at it for hours. Yoruichi sighed in content as her orgasm washed over her, it had taken an age to get to it but it was absolutely delicious. She clenched then released, pressed down on Naruto then clenched again he groaned and bit down on her neck as he emptied into her ass. He hugged her, kissed her ear.

"Love you Yoru-chan"

"Love you too Naru-kun"

With a tired yawn from both their mouths they fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

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Orihime bounced up and down anxiously; Tatsuki was standing next to her very nervous. Orihime had a copy of Naruto's door key in her hand and he'd given it to her for this reason. If he was late to school she'd open up and wake him up or hurry him along. She opened the door to his apartment. It was more of a loft, one big open space, the kitchen was in one corner easily spotted by the large table sinks, counters, fridge and tiled floor. The rest of the floor was carpeted. A large bed was pressed against one wall with an open walk in closet nearby, on the other side was a closed door presumably the bathroom.

Orihime walked in and blushed lightly, Tatsuki followed her and flushed red mouth opening slightly to drool. Naruto was asleep on his bed covered from the waist down, his heavily muscled and tanned body shown off to the world. A strange tattoo on his stomach stood out as well as the expensive looking necklace on his neck. They froze when a toilet flushed in the bathroom. Cursing was what they heard next.

"FUCK! I knew I shouldn't have let that big bastard get in my ass without lube or something… stupid…" she said some weird word that sounded like gigai. Tatsuki felt faint, she was standing here ogling Naruto while his girlfriend was in the bathroom loudly complaining about having anal sex with someone…well endowed.

Naruto rolled over in his sleep, the sheet fell off. Tatsuki squealed. He had large scratches on his back and what looked like teeth marks on his right ass cheek. The squeal woke him up.

Naruto rolled off the bed and into a fight stance, he glanced around the room seeing Orihime blushing crimson and covering her eyes and Tatsuki looking faint with blood running down her chin from her nose. Yoruichi was leaning on the bathroom doorway one hand rubbing her sore ass but she was smirking at the two girls.

Naruto blinked finally realizing who was in the room. Nonplussed "What are you two doing here?" He took a step towards his closet, muscles rippled Tatsuki fainted. Orihime forgot about the naked Naruto and the naked black woman as she dragged Tatsuki out. Naruto burst into laughter and so did Yoruichi as she hobbled over.

She giggled as she grabbed her own clothes. "The black haired one likes you"

"I know it's brilliant oh I'm going to have so much fun today." he quickly showered and dressed then before he left he pulled Yoruichi flush up against him, her back to his chest.

He whispered in her ear "Tonight I'm going to take your ass again and again until your screaming my name so loud soul society could hear you. You won't be able to walk right for the rest of your life." Yoruichi had the good grace to blush then yelp in pain when he slapped her ass hard. She glared at the smirking Naruto who blew her a kiss as he closed the door.

"Damm know it all bastard, I'm gonna…I'm gonna… fuck…I'm gonna let him do that" she sat down and winced. "Damm my ass hurts"

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Tatsuki was gritting her teeth in embarrassment and rage. Naruto the bastard had been smiling at her knowingly the entire morning. She only got a reprieve by going with Orihime early to one of their classes.

Michiru approached her "Excuse me Tatsuki, you take art class don't you?"

"Yeah"

"So did you do our assignment the one that was on our future?"

"How we see ourselves in the future?"

"Can I see yours I drew one but it's not very good"

"Oh sure." she dug in her bag and pulled out her sketch book.

"Here." it was a picture of her standing in a boxing ring over a defeated opponent holding aloft a championship belt.

"Wow you did a great job"

"That's me it shows how I'm going to be the first female Vale Tudo champion."

Michiru looked down at it despondent "This is awesome my drawing looks so lame I don't want to show it to any of you. Oh Orihime, can you show me what you drew?"

"I'd love to I'm glad you asked to see it because secretly I'm very proud of what I did." she reached into her bag and pulled out her own sketch book.

"Great you must have done…wha?" she stared at a picture of a burning city with a robot with Orihime's head on top firing a rocket from where one of her breasts should be.

"I'll have a velocity of over 200 miles per hour a 20,000 degree Celsius flame will shoot from my mouth and my eyes will project destruction beams." Michiru was aghast.

"Orihime! What have you done?" while the girls told her of her mistake Ichigo walked in followed my Naruto.

Orihime saw them first "HEY, good morning Guys!"

Ichigo smiled freaking Naruto "Hi Orihime how's it going?" this shocked everyone. Naruto was suddenly all over Ichigo asking about his temperature and was he sick he didn't let up until Ichigo hit him in the face.

Michiru was curious "What is up with Ichigo he never says hi or acts friendly to anyone it's really kind of strange. Its like he's in a good mood"

She tried to get Orihime's attention but she kept staring off into space…in Ichigo's direction.

Tatsuki frowned "Michiru what's the date today?"

"OH today is June 16th." Tatsuki sighed.

"I knew it, sometimes Ichigo holds in his feelings. He's not in a good mood he's acting nice but he's really tense today." she stood up.

Orihime was worried "Tatsuki?"

"Its nothing to worry about, I know why he's acting like this and I bet you tomorrow Ichigo's going to skip school altogether."

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Later during lunch they where all sitting just chatting away when Keigo went on a spiel about getting a tattoo "Hey Naruto, would you ever get a Tattoo?"

"Huh? Nah already got one" the girls gasped but Orihime and Tatsuki blushed.

"Y-You do? Where can you show it?" Naruto nodded and lifted up his shirt, revealing a large spiraling tattoo on his stomach.

"When did you get it Naruto it looks really cool?"

Naruto frowned, he doubted they would believe he's had it since he was born "When I was thirteen, I broke into my guardians liquor cabinet drank myself stupid then managed to stagger across the road with his credit card in hand to the local tattoo pallor, then woke up with this thing."

Naruto smirked. "Tatsuki you don't seem surprised that I have a tattoo why's that?"

All eyes turned to her and she spluttered and blushed. Thinking fast she answered "Well I just figured you're the kind of idiot that would do that."

Naruto raised an eyebrow "So it's not because you walked into my apartment this morning while I was naked?"

Tatsuki was suddenly feeling faint again at the shocked looks on everyone's faces. "ORIHIME WAS THERE TOO!"

Orihime gasped "Tatsuki!"

"WHAT? We both had to stand there and listen as his girlfriend complained about how he fucked her in the ass last night. Then he jumps out of bed butt naked with his huge thing swinging everywhere and acting like its no big deal and then he brings up that I saw his hot body and doesn't mention you where there only me. I have every right to BLOW UP!!" with a shrill scream she passed out.

Everyone sat stunned. Naruto started laughing, he just kept laughing and laughing until it became a dry wheeze. When he finished wiping his eyes from the tears he looked up into peoples astonished faces.

"What?" 

Keigo was the first to speak "They saw you naked?"

"Well yeah I sleep naked most nights since my girlfriend is there most nights and I over slept and a couple of weeks ago I gave Orihime a spare key to let herself in if I'm late. She did and walked in on my sleeping Naked and my girlfriend complaining about being sore." then he muttered something.

"What?"

"Don't know why she was complaining she scratched the shit out of me last night" the Lunch bell rang. "Orihime you go I'll wake up Tatsuki I should probably apologize for this morning anyway." Orihime nodded and everyone left. Even Ichigo seemed shocked out of his funk.

Naruto shook Tatsuki awake she looked up at his face surprised then blushed and snarled at him. She sat up swinging. He jumped away.

"You really know how to keep things to yourself huh?"

"You started it you bastard." 

"Yeah we'll I didn't expect you to explode."

"Bastar…mmph" her eyes widened in shock as he kissed her. He pulled back.

"WHA…mmmph…damm you" she was blushing and hot under the collar. She grabbed him by the collar. "I am so going to beat you up after this" she dragged him down into a kiss. Naruto grinned into it and felt very pleased with himself at the shiver she gave when he ran his hands down her sides. He pulled away leaving a blushing and out of breath Tatsuki.

"Hehehe still going to beat me up."

"Yes but when I get you alone your ass is mine."

"I knew you where into that kinky stuff, come on we got to get to class." she nodded then slugged him in the face leaving a small bruise. She went to class where Orihime pulled her aside. "You kissed him."

"What?"

"I saw you"

"So what if I did?"

Unfortunately Keigo heard them "TATSUKI KISSED NARUTO CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!"

Tatsuki groaned. "I hate my life"

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**Thanks to all my readers and please remember to Review it really helps my motivation as well as shows me bits and pieces to improve not to mention inflate my already massive Ego hehe. So I hope you enjoyed it.**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS SEE YOU IN 2008**


	4. Chapter 4

June 17

**The Strawberry and the Fishcake**

**By: Uncle Joe**

**Edited By: Dirty Reid**

**Hello boys and girls**** and genderless freaks. First things first...**

**Joe gets on his hands and knees big anime tears streaming down his face. "I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY! I SHOULD HAVE UPDATED I SHOULD HAVE UPDATED! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! DON'T HURT ME PLEASE!" **

**Dirty Reid smirks along with Chaos driver and many others. He hefts his seal club (Dirty Reid's Canadian) "It's too late to apologize," he says in a sing-song voice, not unlike a crappy pop band featuring a rapper in too many music videos (cough- Onerepublic and Timbaland- cough).**

**(Many hours of pain and screaming later)**

**Joe jumps to his feet completely unharmed "THE AUTHOR IS INVINCIBLE! HAHAHAHA!"**

**On a more serious note, I am incredibly sorry that I have not updated but I suffered from horrendous writers block…. I only managed to come up with storylines for new stories, none of which you will see because they all sucked ass.**

**Joe snickers "Jeez I hope they bought that load of bullshit….huh what do you mean the mic's still on…oh its okay we'll just edit it out. These losers won't know the difference….what do you mean its live?... Aww shit!"**

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Naruto exhaled quietly. He was lounging back on Tatsuki's couch. Tatsuki and Orihime where chatting about school over orange juice and chips. Naruto wasn't entirely sure why he was there but he figured it had something to do with Tatsuki wanting him nearby and also wanting Orihime there to keep her from jumping Naruto.

Naruto finally tuned into the conversation when Ichigo was mentioned. "So Orihime, you said you had something important to tell me about Ichigo?"

"What's it all about?"

Orihime smiled and went into her version of lecture mode. Said mode consisted of a dreamy expression and a lopsided happy grin. "Wait till you hear this, I think I finally figured out the mystery of Ichigo." Naruto turned a chuckle into a cough.

Tatsuki had the same expression. "The Mystery of Ichigo?" she repeated dumbfounded.

"I think Ichigo is really some kind of superhero and he's here on a mission to protect earth." Naruto gave a wry grin at Tatsuki. How close to the truth she was. Powers that would seem superhuman or supernatural protecting everyday souls from monsters intent on destruction was in the superhero category. Now only if it wasn't Ichigo's and countless other agents' jobs to do the same thing everyday, it would be 'superhero' worthy.

"A superhero?" Tatsuki chuckled "The first time I saw your superhero, we were both only four." her eyes glazed over as she delved into the past. "I was at the dojo where I started my training when I saw him come in for the first time. He was holding his mom's hand. She was so beautiful, but what I noticed most was his increasable orange hair and his big goofy grin." she sighed "I knew right away he wouldn't last too long. he was just too skinny and weak."

Naruto grinned slightly. Ichigo with a goofy grin? That'd be a sight to see.

"He was just too skinny and weak. Actually, in our first match I made him cry with a single punch." Tatsuki closed her eyes as a smile lit up her face. She punched her fist into an opened hand. "I just reached out and poked him with a soft one and that was all she wrote. One quick shot and he was down for the count." Naruto smiled at her nostalgic expression.

"He cried every time he lost, but then the most amazing thing would happen. When his mom would come to pick him up, even if he was still sobbing, as soon as he saw her that big smile would break out across his face again." She sighed. "He was such a baby. I mean what kind of kid smiles when he's just lost a fight? I didn't get it, here was this total wimp, a complete mama's boy, and yet he seemed to be so happy all the time. Like life was just one big ride no worries at all." Her smile faded and she started to look incredibly sad. "He was a happy kid because of his mom, but then when we were nine… she died."

Naruto let out an unhappy breath. He figured something like that had happened. Even after two millennia, he still hadn't figured out what was worse; losing a parent as a child, or never knowing your parents.

"He didn't come to school that day of course. I was kinda worried because no one seemed to know where he was or if he was okay. It seemed so unfair; no nine year old kid can handle that kind of grief alone. I went looking for him everywhere he might have gone. I finally found him by the river right where his mother had died, just wandering around in circles. He'd crouch down when he was tired then get up and start walking again. For days I watched him from morning till night like he was waiting for her to come back. I hated seeing him that way. The happy Ichigo was gone." Orihime watched on in pity and sympathy.

"How sad," Naruto nodded solemnly. Conversation petered out into an uncomfortable silence. It went by for a few minutes before Orihime decided it was time to go home. She waited patiently outside in the rain while Naruto said goodbye to Tatsuki and flustered her with a kiss. Orihime giggled, they never went out and Naruto teased Tatsuki, only to be beaten.

They'd kiss every now and then, leaving Tatsuki short of breath and flustered and Naruto smirking or looking smug. It would most likely take a long time to go anywhere. Naruto seemed so….ancient sometimes. It was as though he was waiting for a time Tatsuki could learn some great truth or secret before they could become more serious.

Naruto wore a small smile as he walked Orihime home. He wasn't sure why but he felt that things were going to start to become a whole lot more fun over the coming weeks.

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Ichigo hadn't said much about how he had been wounded, just that a helluva hollow had attacked, made him angry, wounded him and escaped. The other Shinigami looking for Rukia was probably going to be a problem in the future. Naruto didn't say it out loud but he resolved that any Shinigami who tried to hurt his friends would die, even if they were just following orders.

He was a ninja after all. He'd slain hundreds of people who'd done nothing to him or anyone he knew by following orders, or had likewise killed those following orders. He was no stranger to death. And if anyone thought he'd let some bureaucratic bastards hurt his friends for not following some stupid law they had another thing coming….if in fact that was the case here. For all he knew, they could just be curious as to where Rukia was.

He didn't know how close he was.

He ambled along side Ichigo as they headed for class. Ichigo opened the door.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Ichigo froze a look of horror etched onto his features as Orihime made such a weird laugh. Naruto had a more vocal response.

""What da _fuck_?"

Orihime didn't seem to notice more worried about Ichigo's reaction then her surrogate older brother's prat fall.

"I-Ichigo you barely reacted at all! Don't you even know where it's from?" she ignored Naruto's shout of

"From HELL!" Ichigo smirked slightly at it though.

"Uhh Spirit Hunter?" Orihime giggled.

"Yeah, isn't that show just the best? Come on you two, join in with me! BWA!"

"BANZAI!" Tatsuki came up behind Orihime and grabbed her arms hauling them into the air before she could cross them and do the annoying laugh.

Orihime blinked in confusion. Her expression tinged Ichigo's cheek red as it was such a cute expression of confusion.

"Oh hey Tatsuki what's the matter?" Tatsuki started to push the big breasted girl away.

"Let's go already, Bwahahahaha. Now move!"

Ichigo and Naruto shared a look before exhaling exasperatedly. It was going to be a looooong day.

"Yo dudes, Keigo's here."

"And Mizuiro," there was a deep bass 'hmm' that was obviously Chad. The ginger and blonde turned and gaped. Somehow those two had roped Chad into crossing his arms like a moron. At least he didn't do the laugh.

Ichigo groaned in unison with Naruto as they turned and walked into the classroom. Ichigo leaned out the window while Naruto perched on a desk munching on an apple he'd swiped from Mahana, who had been distracted by the smile and wink he sent her way.

"What do you guys mean you're not going?! It's the biggest show in Japan!" whined Keigo. Naruto chuckled.

"Keigo, I don't know what Carrot Top's excuse is but I'm using the fact that a lot of people will be going to see this Spirit Hunter thing to go to the movies with my girl. I'm sure you understand….you know how girlfriends are Keigo… you _do_ know how girlfriends are, don't you?" Keigo growled being usually aggressive.

"CAN IT BLONDIE!!" Naruto just snickered and turned away.

"Ichigo," Keigo began again, turning to the grumpier, much younger traitor, "it's going to be broadcasting live from Karakura. You'd have to be dead or whipped like Naruto to miss it."

"HEY!" Ichigo smiled slightly.

"I guess that makes me a zombie." he waved his hand lazily in Keigo general direction "Get lost."

Keigo started to develop little tears in his eyes. "But I already went to the trouble of asking Rukia to go!" Ichigo groaned meanwhile Naruto was developing a running commentary that had Chad and Mizuiro struggling to control there laughter.

"Say boys, did you notice that Keigo looks like he's gonna cry whenever Ichigo doesn't want to do something? Even Orihime's not like that! You don't think he's…you know?" fortunately Keigo didn't hear them. Rukia had turned up.

"Hi Ichigo," Rukia said in a too sweet voice adding in a slight curtsey.

"Come on Rukia." asked Keigo who had seemed to teleport to her side "Bwahahaha!" Rukia was still apparently trying to figure out how to blush on cue so she covered her face and looked away.

"No, I'd be too embarrassed to do it." Keigo continued trying to convince her to join in. Ichigo watched on a sour expression on his face.

Naruto snickered "Chad, Mizuiro, what do you guys wanna bet that Ichigo's face stays that way all day now?" both boys gave him withering looks. The shorter fair skinned boy spoke first.

"How dumb do we look to you?"

"Pretty dumb actually,"

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Fine, be that way….YO 'HIME! I got something to ask ya!" Chad groaned quietly in exasperation at his very strange friend. Naruto was definitely a fighter, and could possibly be as strong as him, given the way he was hauling the training mats around in P.E. the other day. He also seemed to be very intelligent; not academically but wise and knowing as well as crafty, cunning and devious. Not to mention he had balls of titanium.

Tack on a wicked sense of humour, good timing, sharp wit and a willingness to risk bodily harm to get a laugh, you were left with one very eccentric individual. Not to mention he ate instant ramen for lunch every single day. No one could figure out where he got it. He didn't carry it in his bag and it certainly wasn't on the menu. Chad had followed him once to find that he had bribed the pretty, early thirties lunch lady with foot massages to store a large supply of Ramen he had provided and cook it up for him at lunch time.

Chad had been amused at his resourcefulness. Apparently his foot massages had recently become a topic among the female faculty and student population with only three apparent sources. The lunch lady, Orihime and Tatsuki. Chad had not shared this info though he was pretty sure Naruto knew that Chad had figured it out.

Naruto sat down in the middle of the group (Read: harem) of young women that was Orihime's usual crowd.

"I got a bet for ya Orihime." Orihime maybe be a little slow and dense but she wasn't born yesterday. Naruto was up to something.

"I bet you that Ichigo's face either remains exactly the same all day till the end of school. It won't change." Orihime blinked and smiled slightly.

"Ichigo is a happier person than that, so what's the bet?" they had made bets before, sometimes on cruder stuff. Naruto had freaked out all the girls when he told them after being dared to recite their bust, waist and hip size as well as the colour of their current underwear. They had nearly castrated him for a pervert until he pointed out he only knew where two of them lived, and he would never peep on Orihime or Tatsuki for fear of his life, and that he had never had an opportunity to peep on them all in the bathroom sometime this day.

They had still been wigged out and Keigo had gone for two days referring to Naruto as "Sire" and "My Lord" after he had seen it. When questioned under pain of severe beating Naruto had said he learned how to do it from his grandfather as a parlour trick and it required intuition, knowledge of the girl, a keen eye for detail and a whole lot of luck. He had then beaten a hasty retreat.

None of the girls knew that what he had told the boys was one simple sentence:

"Gentlemen, I am just that good."

**Back to the present****…**

"What do I get if you lose Naruto?"

"What do you want?" Orihime backed off conversing with all the girls, she came back after a minute or two.

"One foot massage for each girl here" Naruto blinked and nodded.

"Sure, and I know what I want." Orihime felt a little nervous all of a sudden "This show is live right? Thought so. Well I'm going to be recording it so I'll know, I want you to make sure the cameras are pointed at you, then here's what you're gonna do…" he leaned in close whispering in her ear. Orihime flushed crimson but nodded in acceptance.

Naruto smiled.

"We have an accord. Catch you ladies later."

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Orihime stared in mild shock as Ichigo walked home… the same sour expression on his face. Naruto walked past a group of disappointed girls.

"I'll see you and my prize on the TV tonight Orihime." Orihime nodded vacantly. She needed to work up all her courage. Naruto walked away with a smirk.

Tatsuki approached a grim expression on his face. "Orihime, did he ask you to do something disgusting?"

"N-no! I-I want to do it… j-just gotta work up the n-n-nerve." she walked away in a daze followed by a concerned black haired martial artist tomboy.

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Yoruichi stared in mild amusement as Naruto finished off the last of the Dango sticks. It wasn't about how much he ate. He had actually eaten quite a bit less than usual. It was the fact he had tossed the skewers into a tree to form a surprisingly detailed picture of them kissing. Customers at the outdoor restaurant had been placing bets with curious staff as to what the final picture would be. A young newlywed couple sitting nearby had won the pool. They walked away with enough cash to pay for their meal three times over.

"Now Yoru-chan, it's late and I have something I desperately need to see. Care to join me?" Yoruichi nodded, Naruto had mentioned a bet earlier and this was probably it.

They quickly arrived home and Naruto rewound the tape in the VCR.

He fast forwarded to a specific spot that looked promising.

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Don Kanonji was on stage shouting about spirits when he paused.

"Its so good to see so many young couples here tonight who are interested in the spirit world, especially that young pair right there!" the camera swivelled to take in the visage of a horrified Ichigo and a happily bouncing Orihime. Orihime smiled and waved at the camera and gave it a thumbs up before turning and grabbing Ichigo's head before he could flee. She yanked him down forcefully into a searing kiss.

Naruto heard several people in the crowd gasp, including a shout of "Daaaaayyyyymmmn!" from someone that sounded suspiciously like Keigo, and another of "That's ma boy!" there was also a peculiar grinding noise in the background.

Naruto could see that it was a demon-eyed Rukia grinding her teeth as she glared murderously at Orihime. The kiss hadn't stopped. Ichigo actually had his arms around her. They broke apart leaving Ichigo with a deer in the headlights expression and Orihime doing a good impression of a tomato before fleeing behind a stunned Tatsuki.

Naruto stopped the tape, wheezing with laughter. Yoruichi had been watching these kids and couldn't help but laugh along.

Oh, tomorrow was going to be good.

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Naruto was watching through the window as the gym teacher, a big burly man with a pencil thin moustache shouted at the crew. Rukia instantaneously burst into tears after spotting Naruto at the window, presumably figuring out that he had engineered the hot moment between the two carrot tops. The gym teacher turned his back on the rest of the students to talk to her. Naruto swung open the window and gestured frantically.

Keigo was almost out the window when the teacher turned back with a shout. Naruto shoved Keigo back into the principal's office with a shout.

"Run!"

While the teachers where distracted with the fleeing students, Rukia slipped out of the classroom.

They rounded a corner and slowed down. Ichigo scowled "Why the hell did you abandon Keigo like that Naruto?"

"Sacrifices have to be made in dire situations…and c'mon, it's Keigo." to his surprise and amusement Tatsuki nodded in resigned agreement and so did Mizuiro.

A few minutes later, they were ambling through the school yard when Keigo came storming up looking very intimidating…for Keigo. "NARUTO! Because of you I've got a week's worth of detentions! What do you have to say for yourself HUH?"

Naruto stared at him blankly for a second before shrugging and walking past him "I expect a thank you," Keigo raised his eyebrows, not expecting that response.

"You tried to ditch everyone else, so deal with it."

Suddenly Rukia's phone rang. The reaping trio shared a look. Ichigo nodded his head, indicating Naruto stay put. Naruto shrugged and showed disinterest at the proceedings.

Rukia put on a fake sappy grin, "Ne Ichi-chan, can I talk to you for a second in private?" He nodded. As they broke away from the group Rukia turned and curtseyed

"Would you guys excuse us for just a minute?" before they both ran off. Naruto hummed under his breath.

"I wonder if Ichigo will be a virgin when he gets back?" This drew forth two horrified gasps from Keigo and Orihime, a groan of annoyance from Tatsuki and chuckles from Chad and Mizuiro.

"Rukia wouldn't do something like that! She's too innocent." Naruto snorted.

"She's not as pure as you think she is. She lost her virginity a while ago." Keigo gasped "To a girl," now everyone was staring at him in shock. Naruto withheld a smirk. Now no one knew if he was lying or not. In all honest Naruto could have been right but no one would ever know except Rukia of course.

"Ask her if you don't believe me." Chad immediately knew he was setting them up and warned Mizuiro with a slight shake of his head. Keigo fell for it. Orihime wasn't sure if it was true but if Rukia _did_ have experience with both boys and girls it would help in her overall plan to win Ichigo and bring Rukia in if necessary. Tatsuki was still unsure, as she knew Naruto would probably know these things but he could just be pulling an elaborate set up.

They started to walk again most of the group in deep thought. When both Chad and Naruto felt something, they paused looking up. Someone was watching them from a window. The figure walked off, Chad raised an eyebrow at Naruto. Naruto spread his hands. "Maybe you've got a stalker big guy."

Chad paled slightly at the thought. The figure in the window was definitely male…or a really manly yet kind of pretty woman. It was hard to tell.

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Naruto grinned to himself. The test scores were in. He watched others see their scores before checking his own. A-plus. He resisted the urge to whoop and do a bell kick.

"3rd in the class. Pretty smart for a girly-girl 'Hime." Tatsuki said as she rubbed Orihime's hair affectionately. Orihime gave off an embarrassed giggle at the attention and praise.

Michiru came out of nowhere to complain. "It isn't fair! Orihime has both brains and boobs!"

Tatsuki gave her a disgruntled look "If it makes you feel better, she's a terrible cook."

A blushing Chizuru came up and hugged Orihime tight not noticing how creeped out Orihime was by the contact. "OH Orihime I'm so proud of you!"

Keigo stepped out in front of the group staring at the grade list. "Ah let the girls get the high scores at least none of our gang embarrassed us by making it into the top fifty, right Mizuiro?"

Mizuiro pointed at the list "Take another look."

Keigo made a curious noise in the back of his throat. He saw the name, he saw the number. "Wha-Wha-Wha…WHAAAAT? Ichigo is ranked number twenty three?"

He started to cry buckets as he ranted and raved at Ichigo who looked on as if faintly amused by the temper tantrum of a toddler. "Shut up Keigo I scored high on tests cause I study for them. You should try it sometime."

"A-HA!" Keigo jumped back striking a pose and pointing an accusing finger. "So that's what you were doing all those nights when I asked you to come hang out! You always said you were to busy but the truth is you where studying like a total nerd!"

Naruto snickered "Maybe he was 'studying' Rukia." Chad only a few feet from him began to cough loudly.

"OH NO! I'M FRIENDS WITH A NERD!" Naruto glanced warily at the windows. That scream had rattled them a bit. Keigo seemed to pull a pair of huge thick novelty glasses out of thin air and presented them to Ichigo.

"Maybe you need some thick nerd glasses like this pal." Ichigo struck Keigo in the face, smashing the glasses

"No way,"

Mizuiro was more calm and collected. "It is kind of a surprise to learn you actually study."

Ichigo shrugged "My hair gets me enough abuse. I'm not going to be a loser on top of it."

Keigo walked up shoulders slumped "You have a point. I'm sorry I ragged on ya so how about…I GIVE YOU THIS COMPLIMENTARY NERD HEADBAND!" Ichigo produced a pair of scissors out of his school bag and cut the headband apart, also taking a chunk of Keigo's well-groomed locks with it.

Keigo ran off shouting something about hanging out before seeming to materialize in front of Chad at a speed that impressed even Naruto.

"Well at least you wouldn't do something embarrassing like scoring in the top fifty eh Chad old pal?" Chad grunted and pointed. 10th place.

Both Mizuiro and Keigo screamed in horror and ran away before running right back and bowing before Naruto. "At least you're with us right man?" Naruto pointed at the list... 2nd place. Mizuiro broke down crying right there. Keigo fainted.

"What should we do now?" asked Tatsuki. Ichigo and Naruto shrugged in eerie unison before saying in sync "Throw em' in the closet."

Ichigo smirked "They probably would have just died right here if one of us was in first place." he said as he finished moving Keigo into a nearby broom closet with Mizuiro, who was rocking back and forth on the floor crying muttering 'This ain't happenin' man, this ain't happenin'."

"Like…Ishida? Never heard of him before." Orihime glanced up at him.

"That's Uryu. Ishida Uryu" Ichigo glanced down at her.

"You mean you know him?"

Orihime nodded "Well yeah, he's in our class." Ichigo blanched; horrified that he didn't even know this guy. Naruto had seen him but the dude was kinda creepy. Reminded him of Sai and Sasuke.

Tatsuki snorted "You'll find that Ichigo has an uncanny knack for forgetting peoples faces and the names that go with them…come on." she started to lead Orihime away who was still staring at Ichigo.

A few minutes later as the boys were still standing around Mizuiro and Keigo having recovered from their…ordeal, when Rukia ran up grabbing Ichigo by the hand and dragging him down the hall. "Ichigo, I need you." the two began to run.

Naruto shared looks with the other boys. "Maybe its some sort of code for 'I'm horny lets go find a closet so I can bang you.'" Chad snorted while Keigo sent him a horrified look.

Mizuiro frowned, "Poor Orihime," Naruto chuckled.

"Orihime doesn't care if she has to share Ichigo as long as she gets him. She loves that clueless bastard that much." Chad grunted in acknowledgment while Keigo went off on another rant about undeserving orange haired grumpy nerds.

Naruto chuckled and started to walk away.

Chad called out "How did you get such good grades Naruto? And be serious," Naruto sighed and turned a half smile tugging at his lips.

"My girlfriend. One hour of serious study, followed by one hour of sex, good motivation. You should try it sometime." he smirked at the two smaller boys' envious expressions before walking away.

He had a date with Yoruichi tonight and he aimed to keep it.

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Naruto walked alongside Ichigo who was skulking down the hallway. He frowned, Ichigo had explained about the disappearing hollows and how Uryu was something called a Quincy.

When Ichigo stopped grumbling to himself, Naruto shrugged and kept walking.

He didn't exactly know what Uryu's problem was, but if it was a danger to his friends Naruto would deal with it and him… permanently.

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Naruto's head snapped up as he began to walk home. "What the hell?"

He could sense many Hollows in the vicinity. Dozens of them, all around town. Naruto didn't know why this was happening but when he found out, someone would pay. Until then he could just have some fun.

As Naruto began to run off to begin his inhuman rampage, others were learning their own abilities. Chad gained his new arm, _Brazo Derecha de Gigante, _The Right Arm of the Giant. And a short distance away from him Orihime awoke her own spiritual powers called the Shun Shun Rikka while Ichigo raced around trying to deal with as many Hollows as possible.

Naruto threw back his head and laughed. He didn't know what the others were doing but he would find out eventually. He called up Kyuubi and was ejected from his body. After several experiments it was learned that Kyuubi had access to a very small amount of chakra while in this position, but was fairly useless in a fight. After all she had never had a human body and was used to swinging her tails or swiping her claws.

Kyuubi ran for home to safety while Naruto slowly drew his blades.

"I've been waiting to test this under actual combat conditions. Thanks you, ugly motherfuckers. FIGHT, BAHAMUT!" Naruto's crossed zanpakuto flashed in a white flare. Finally subsiding, his massive zanbato-sized Shikai rested across his shoulders.

"LET'S DANCE UGLY!"

He leapt at the one closet to him, a huge snake like creature. SLASH! One Hollow down. He spun, charging Reiatsu into his blade, concentrating on the feeling of burning anger. He swung again, a huge gout of flame arced out, eliminating four hollows behind him.

Naruto leapt to a rooftop, cutting in half the hollow that was there. He kicked another that leapt at him before gutting it with a backhanded swipe. He went with the flow of his blade, listening to the voice of his zanpukuto speaking in his mind and feeling the groove of battle. He began to spin the blade until it was nothing but a blur. His smirk changed into a manic grin.

"Kagirinai no Hisho!" (Flight of the Eternal) he cried as he swung his massive blade. He could see his attack's devastating effects. The Hollows were picked up and tossed about as if in a hurricane. The Hollows began to scream as tiny blades of pure solidified wind sliced into their flesh. Within seconds the massive beasts who had been intending on ripping Naruto apart and feasting on his flesh and spirit were shredded by the power of his technique.

Naruto let the attack cease with a grunt of satisfaction. He heard a footstep behind him. He spun with his blade coming to bear.

CLANG!

Naruto stared. A dark skinned woman with blonde hair and most of her face hidden behind a tall collar stared at him. Her clothes were like that of a Shinigami but pure white, as appose to black. She was certainly well endowed. Her clothes were cut in such a way that would have been seen as revealing even to Anko. Her torso was bare from just under her nipples to her hips, exposing a good deal of her breasts. Her legs were covered by what appeared to be a skirt which exposed almost all of her legs but kept her nether regions perfectly covered. She carried a zanpukuto which was resting comfortably interlocked with his own.

"And who might you be?" the woman stared at him, her pretty face unreadable.

"I am Halibel. You interest me…we will meet again." with that she was gone in a blur of speed. Naruto blinked…damn she was fast. He shrugged, the weird hot woman that talked kinda like Gaara was interesting but not a pressing concern.

A new hollow appear in front of him. "Move it gruesome!" he punched it aside before swiping at it with his sword, wind channeled around it extending the swipe far beyond his reach, bisecting the hollow who now lay at the bottom of a lamppost.

He surveyed his surroundings. Hollows were still in sight and headed away for him. "Naruto smash puny Hollows!" he said in a caveman-esque voice as he raced after them cutting them down. "Naruto find Urahara, get info!" he continued to speak in his caveman voice before he began his trek to the sanguine man's shop.

Naruto shook his head dismissing the persona…"Stupid cable tv"

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Naruto followed the sound of voices inside Urahara's shop. Kyuubi was home safe and he was still in his spirit form. He slid open the door and froze.

"Oh hello Naruto, what are you doing here?" Naruto blinked.

"You can see me?" Orihime and Chad nodded. Apparently Urahara had picked them up somewhere.

"Um, I came to see Clogs here about what's going on." Urahara smiled

"I was just going to reveal to these two the truth of the world…and about you." Naruto blinked.

"Okay. I'll be back, there're still Hollows to kill. Why so many anyway?"

Urahara shrugged, "Someone used Hollow bait and it's attracted a big son of a bitch. The rest are following its lead, even though it's probably not here yet." Naruto nodded and drew his swords, having dissolved his Shikai earlier. "I'll talk to you later."

He walked out the door, smirking at the freakishly tall Mexican and the cute busty girl.

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Naruto came upon Ichigo standing on top of a pile of knocked out hollows shouting down to Uryu about something. Naruto shook his head, damn foolish brat. He jumped into the fray. Uryu who was now fighting back to back with Ichigo against the hollows frowned at the new arrival.

"I didn't know Naruto was a Shinigami." Ichigo chuckled.

"Naruto's a lot of things. I'll explain later. For now just let him do his thing." the Quincy nodded and fired off another spirit arrow at a Hollow. He launched arrow after arrow at Hollow after Hollow but he couldn't help watching in awe as Naruto slaughtered his way with his twin blades through every one of the beasts in his path.

The brawl dragged on. Naruto and Ichigo cut a bloody path through the massed hollows with their blades, accompanied by Uryu raining down his own bloody vengeance on them from afar. A sudden lull in the battle came upon them as they stood back to back.

"Uryu," the Quincy glanced at Naruto, "I'm gonna have to hit you at least once for this stupidity. Just figured I'd warn you first." Uryu snorted.

"What makes you think you can even touch me Shinigami?" Uryu turned to smirk at him but it changed into a gasp. He stared into blood red slitted eyes.

"**I am far more than you can imagine brat. You'll be lucky to survive a single hit from me."** he said in an unnaturally warped and deep voice. To drive his point home, he punched a hollow that neared him, sending it spiraling back into its fellows.

The few remaining Hollows paused, looking up into the sky. Naruto glanced up just as a huge pair of bone white hands ripped open a hole in the sky. Naruto growled happily in the back of his throat. _Now_ this was a fight.

"That little bit of Hollow bait I used shouldn't have attracted this."

Naruto whistled "That's one huge son of a bitch."

Ichigo snickered "Well it's here and we have to deal with it."

The hollows charged. The trio prepared to fight when a fuselage of gunshots rang out almost as if someone was firing a minigun. They turned to see Ururu laying waste to the hollows with some kind of shoulder held Twinkie-shaped weapon.

She ceased firing and bowed "I'm sorry we're so late."

Jinta shouted a battle cry before knocking several hollows down with a swing of his bat. Tessai ripped the head off a hollow with a single palm strike.

The dust cloud from their attacks faded revealing a smiling and waving Urahara "I thought you might need some assistance boys." the Urahara shop crew laid waste to the surrounding hollows as Urahara strolled forward. "Why don't my crew and I take care of these hollows for you why you deal with that big guy?" Ichigo nodded and ran off followed by a shouting Uryu. Naruto almost followed but paused when Urahara laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You proved yourself today old man; this is their battle now." Naruto nodded in understanding. It would be fun to watch too.

Naruto watched impassively as Urahara restrained Rukia with some Kido thing. Yoruichi had asked Naruto if he wanted to learn them but he had declined politely. He had learned a couple of small ones, mostly healing Kido from Urahara, but for now he wanted to use his Zanpukuto and become more in tune with it. He may never have had a sentient sword but he knew all about knowing your blade, its weaknesses and strengths. The blades he used in his home world may not have been made from his soul but he treated them like they did.

Naruto doubled over in laughter when Ichigo's charge of the Menos Grande failed spectacularly. He, almost as quickly, fell to the floor practically crying as Uryu tied Ichigo's Zanpukuto to his head in some weird plan.

Naruto didn't hear the cryptic wisdom that Urahara was giving to Rukia but he didn't need to. He stopped laughing when Ichigo blocked the Cero from the massive Hollow. He chuckled when he launched an attack back, wounding the spiritual atrocity which quickly retreated.

Naruto watched in a small amount of awe as the Quincy used his abilities to bleed away the unstable spirit energy. It was a brave move.

Both boys proceeded to pass out. Naruto approached them seeing that at least Ichigo was still conscious though slipping into blissful sleep fast. Naruto needed a foxy grin on his face. "You did good kid."

Ichigo grunted "Blonde bastard,"

Naruto chuckled quietly and hefted the unconscious ginger badass onto his shoulder. He lifted the Quincy into an under arm to carry and jogged back to Urahara. "Let's get these two bozos back to your place, patch em' up and take their wallets." Urahara snickered and led the way.

"Oh by the way Rukia, our class thinks you're a lesbian so watch out for Chizuru." Naruto said swiftly before he scampered off.

Rukia blinked at where he had been. "NARUTO!!"

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Naruto lay quietly on the rooftop of his apartment building. The day had been relatively uneventful until Rukia and Ichigo shared a 'touching' moment outside of school until that pathetic excuse for plushy Kon came running up, instantly ruining it.

Naruto sighed. He managed to get them to take two steps forward and they'd take a single step back. The going was tough, especially with Orihime's side of things. Despite the fact that Orihime had kissed Ichigo, it didn't seem to have affected him further than that night.

Naruto grunted as his back cracked when he stretched. Drastic measures would have to be taken. Convincing Orihime to actually seduce Ichigo was going to be incredibly hard. He wasn't going to force her to do it. He was going to have to do his worst to convince her.

He sensed something. Naruto leapt to his feet using Kyuubi to switch into his spirit form.

"Someone's watching us go." Kyuubi nodded and ran back into the building.

Naruto caught a flicker of motion to his left and brought his swords up blocking a katana strike. It was a Shinigami….who looked a lot like some punk kid. He had messy black hair was wearing a choker with matching arm band had the number 69 tattooed on his face and three vertical scars on the opposite side.

"Who the fuck are you?" the Shinigami glared.

"My name is Hisagi Shuhei and I am the Fukutaicho of the 9th division. I am here to learn about you and eliminate you if you are a threat to Soul Society." he stated arrogantly. Naruto cocked his head to the side.

"Then what about the others I can feel?"

"They are here to arrest Kuchiki Rukia and take her back to the seireitei for execution." Naruto's face went blank Shuhei mistook it for shock "She broke one of our highest laws; this is the price she must pay."

"If you think you can stop this you have ano…." He stopped talking as he stared into a pair of burning red eyes. "Wha-?"

CRUNCH!!

Shuhei coughed up blood as he slowly climbed to his feet. The man he was facing had grabbed him by the throat and pile driven him into another building almost two hundred meters away. He glared at the blonde who was standing on air a short distance away.

"You're lucky I don't have time for this boy. People who hurt my friends are given a first class ticket to hell, understood?" the blonde turned and began to leap across rooftops towards the distant fight. Shuhei coughed again. Judging by the man's pure physical strength, it would be suicide for someone of his stature to attack him head on with the restrictions on. He had only one chance.

He rushed forward and planted his blade home. Right into the blonde's chest. Shuhei smiled slightly before a blinding pain erupted in his abdomen. He looked down to see one of the mysterious blonde's dual zanpakuto buried hilt deep into his stomach. He looked up to where his sword had stabbed. Right into an important artery. The man should be dead, but he just stepped off the blade as if nothing happened.

"Wha-what are you?"

"A Monster. Run home boy this is not your day to die." then he left. Shuhei, , just managed to activate his portal into Soul Society and staggered through calling for a medic before darkness claimed him. He would live…just.

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Naruto arrived to see Ichigo fall and Rukia verbally give him a reaming. Some love affair. Naruto snarled and attacked. As Naruto's blade was blocked he was happy to see some surprise in the impassive and regal looking man's arrogant eyes.

"Who are you?" Naruto snarled and brought his other blade around making the Shinigami's eyes widen. The responded with a lightning fast counter at a speed Naruto couldn't match ended up with the Shinigami's blade buried in his heart. Naruto looked down at it, back up at the man and snarled.

"Fuck you," he spat before spraying blood in the man's face, surprising him before he fell to his knees.

"Rukia I hope you're worth this." he died.

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Rukia stared down in horror at Naruto. The seemingly invincible, unstoppable Naruto had been killed by her stepbrother Byakuya trying to save her. Two men, one whom she felt something for were on the verge of death, and another had died. She wasn't worth it.

As she entered the gate, she should have turned. If she had, she would have seen a single blood red eye watching her leave from under a shaggy mop of blonde hair.

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Naruto stood slowly. He had to make sure everything was working properly. Every time he died he was uncoordinated afterwards. He cracked his neck more to psych himself up than any need to. He kneeled down next to Ichigo who was barely concious "We'll get her back bro, even if we have to kill them all." Ichigo nodded and passed out.

Urahara walked up, a bamboo umbrella keeping the sudden downpur of rain off his hat-adorned head. Naruto nodded and lifted Ichigo over his shoulder while Urahara went to tend to Uryu. The Quincy's wounds were not as serious as they looked. As soon as he was cleaned and bandaged, Uryu thanked them and got up to limp slowly home.

"Look after Ichigo Naruto. Only you two are strong enough to save Rukia."

Naruto nodded and began to take Ichigo to Urahara's shop.

Naruto smiled slightly. Soul Society was about to experience something it had never seen before. The Maelstorm was coming.

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Naruto smirked as Urahara lectured Ichigo on how he wasn't strong enough yet to even think about entering Soul Society. He had said similar words to Naruto, merely telling him to not underestimate the captains. He could handle a lietenant fine but until he unlocked his Bankai, it was likely he would lose against the more powerful captains.

Urahara had smiled at him as if he knew something special. "I doubt it will take much longer for you to unlock it." he said before he exited.

Naruto frowned. Was the whole being able to talk to his zanpakuto without entering his mindscape and having it actually manifest in front of him significant? He wasn't sure.

Naruto stood and followed Urahara's actions. He had to train.

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Keigo was sobbing as person after person shot down his holiday plans "Naruto you'll come with me right?"

"Sorry man I've got similar plans to Mizuiro here. I'm gonna go fly down to Australia, see the sights with my girl and her family." Keigo growled and pulled a large metal bat seemingly out of his ass and started to hunt down a screaming Mizuiro. "YOU'RE NOT GONNA ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY! IT'S GONNA BE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH BROKEN BONES YOU ASS!"

Naruto chuckled. School was out. He remembered back to when he was in the Ninja Academy. They didn't really have days off, just weekends to train by themselves or with their families. You wanted a day off? You cut class. Nuff' said.

Naruto started the long walk home with Ichigo, both lost within the depths of their complex minds. "We'll get her back Ichigo," Naruto consoled him reassuringly. Ichigo nodded half-heartedly.

"I know you love her…. Nah-ah-ah, don't interrupt. You love her. I can see it. Just promise me one thing kid; you'll tell her when we rescue her cute little ass." Ichigo looked away at the waning sun, wrestling with his tough guy and his inner, more sensitive personality that had been locked away for years.

"… Okay," Naruto smiled

"Good man. Now, about Orihime," Ichigo stared at him owlishly.

"Huh?" Naruto chuckled

"You like them both man. Now you just gotta admit to yourself that, and you're set for life." Ichigo shook his head and glared.

They both paused, turning to meet the serious gaze of Orihime.

'_How did she sneak up on us like that?'_

"Ichigo Naruto…where is Rukia?" both boys glanced at each other. For the entire day, everyone seemed to have forgotten about Rukia's existence "Why has everyone forgotten about her like she never even existed? I need you to explain what's happening around here."

Naruto and Ichigo glanced at each other before nodding.

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"So Rukia was taken back where she came from, and Naruto is a two thousand year old ninja from another world?" Ichigo nodded.

"Oh… okay then…" Orihime fainted. Naruto suspected the truth about her own world would have been taken well but the truth of her older brother was too much.

"Go Ichigo, I'll take her home." Ichigo nodded and ran off. Naruto lifted Orihime into a bridal carry just as she was beginning to stir. "Naruto?...Chad?" Naruto looked up at Chad who was staring in the direction Ichigo had gone.

Naruto glanced over his shoulder to see a black cat watching them.

"I'm going to leave you two here your in good hands" he ran off.

"Hello, I am Yoruichi."

"AIEEE! A TALKING CAT!" Naruto snickered from behind a trashcan further up the alley. Life was pretty good.

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Naruto sat on top of one of the rock hills as Ichigo went through the same process that he did to become a Shinigami to reawaken his powers. The boy was doing remarkably well…well, until he went down the shattered shaft with his chain of fate being eaten away.

"Hey Naruto," Naruto glanced up at Kisuke

"What's up junior?" Kisuke scowled slighty

"Don't call me that gramps…do you want some more Kido training?" Naruto shrugged.

"Meh, couldn't hurt. What is it this time?"

"Something nasty. Destructive Kido 33. Now recite after me,"

Naruto grunted "Just teach me the damn spell. I don't have time for that reciting crap." Kisuke sighed Naruto was too much the warrior no kido master potenial at all it was a mircale that Tessai had convinced him to learn some in the first place.

"Fine, just say Hado 33 Sokatsui," Naruto nodded and got to work.

"Hado 33 Sokatsui!" a blue shot of energy erupted from his palm doing little damage to his selected target…a rock. Naruto snarled. He had become a jutsu master many years ago. Why was this so hard?

He tried again and again. When he got pissed off, he overpowered the spell, blasting a huge hole into the floor of the training ground. Naruto was satisfied with that since it hadn't really tired him. Kisuke shook his head with a wry smile. Ichigo gained power at an astounding rate but Naruto was utterly inhuman. Every day he had a little more reiatsu than before. His level of growth was minute. Only a captain could pick it up but growth became exponetial when in a battle.

After the incident with the Menos Grande, Kisuke had noticed Naruto's level had increased by at least a third; almost near a lieutenant's level with a sealed sword. Kisuke suspected that the tougher the fight, the stronger he would grow. Kami knows what would happen if he picked a fight with Zaraki or god forbid, Yamamoto. Kisuke was pretty sure the only person in Soul Society who could match Naruto in the level of punishment he could take before collapsing was Zaraki and the only person who could match or be better than his skill with a blade were Yamamoto, Shunsui and Jushiro. Even then, the two younger captains might buckle under the power of the blonde tank.

Kisuke, through his studies of Naruto, had learned that Naruto's body and possibly the bodies of all his people were designed to take massive punishment. They just kept getting stronger from anything that didn't outright kill or cripple them. And Naruto's healing ability meant he could train until all his muscles tore and a few hours later he would be fine and just a little bit stronger. It also seemed that Kyuubi's chakra kept him at peak efficiency since he admited for sleeping for at least two hundred years at one point in his life and came back as strong as he was before.

Kisuke had sensed there was more to it, something that frightened Naruto. The scientist supposed that when Naruto went to sleep peace had reigned and when he came back, the world was probably in the middle of a vicious war. Kisuke was actually quite close in his guess but the real truth was far more horrifying.

Naruto stood up after using the Kido a couple more times. "I'm going for a walk junior. I'll be back soon" he left, leaving a scowling Kisuke to puzzle further over what exactly Naruto was.

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Naruto paused. He was in the woods far outside Karakura Town, having taken a long run in his spirit form when he sensed something. It felt familiar. He walked towards a clearing with a frown marring his face. Naruto felt strange, like he was in the presence of something he was related to.

He paused and reached for his sword. A large stone slab had appeared in the clearing. Writing was all over it and a man of about forty sitting on top of it. He smiled serenly at Naruto.

"Welcome brother," Naruto frowned "no doubt if you know what I am and what this block is, you will have a series of questions pertaining to this world in general…if not then you will have a great deal more. I am after all an artifical intelligence made by the being who created this place and am no danger to you. Would you mind answering a few questions?" Naruto remained still before he nodded his assent.

"Do you know details of this world, shinigami hollows etc.?" Naruto nodded "Excellent. Some time has been saved. The next question is this; do you know what you are?" Naruto frowned.

"I did not think so. Please sit; this will take some time." Naruto slowly sprawled himself out. He didn't know why, but he trusted this apparition.

"You my young friend…you are young. Probably only two to three millennia. You are a being know as a Walker of Worlds, or an Eternal or a Changer of Fate. You are immortal and can possible live until the end of eternity unless you encounter a being stronger than yourself such as another Walker or a god of some kind. Your kind are both rare and common. Common as in countless numbers of you exist and spread across endless worlds. Rare because even though a single world might have had several of you turn up in its history, it is rare for two or more to meet in the same time frame. If they do, the consequences are inevitable. You will fight, and one of you will fall. This is the way of the Walkers. You will feel an undeniable need to fight and kill the other walker. You cannot run and you cannot hide, as you can feel each other from opposite ends of the world." Naruto glared at the ground. That really sucked.

"It is possible if you are in a universe where space travel is possible that you will not feel the urge to fight across a vast distance, but do not count on it. I suppose you wish to know what _exactly_ a Walker is. No one truly knows. They are warriors of some description with a moral code that is all their own. What is known is how a Walker's power works. No doubt you are confused as to why you can just barely feel whatever power you had before but can now feel the full effects of Reiatsu, no?"

The being smiled.

"It is because of what happens to Walkers when they enter a new world. All their accumulated power from their previous world is locked away, barely reachable. You may be able to just touch it and use it, but barely. This void is filled by whatever power is native to the world you are in such as this one. Then in however long a time when you decide to go to a new world your Reiatsu will be suppressed in favour of a new power. If a world has no set power you will receive up to fifty percent of your original power, twenty five percent of the next power you aquired and so on and so forth. This will change if you gain a native power by some means. Your strength speed and physical skills will remain the same unless augmented by your powers."

"The next part is confusing. Walkers exist outside of time and space, and outside of reality. If you were to find two Walkers in the same place, that concept would tear reality apart, destroying wherever they are if they don't kill each other. Only one can be in a world at a time. Why do you exist out of time? It's where the power to write in the books of fate is attained. It had been recorded by time travelers in several worlds that when a time traveler goes back to observe something such as a historical event, it will happen a certain way. They go back again for another look and the outcome will be completely different because a Walker turned up. Now do not despair; this does not mean you should do nothing say nothing to affect the timeline. Changing the natural flow of events is something you are supposed to do, for better or for worse."

The being smirked "Now comes the real noodle-baker. If we can pop up in a world at any time for example, you could face and kill another Walker, then change worlds and turn up in a world he has just left or before they even arrive. This can happen. The seldom-known trick is that you would think you could turn up after killing them possibly while they are still there and kill them again right?" Naruto mulled it over for about ten minutes letting all of it sink in before nodding.

"Wrong. It has never happened. You would think it could happen but it just does not. It is _extremely_ rare for you to even turn up in a world a Walker you have faced before has been in. If you do, it is always after they were there. On this tablet is recorded more detailed information about this world. And right here," he pointed at the tablet section just under his feet, "is the section where monumental events in Walker history are recorded. Have a look. You are standing on the most recent one." Naruto got up and had a look.

"Uzumaki Naruto. Walker in his first world. Succeeded in bringing another being with him from his homeworld. Success was brought by fact that being was sealed inside of him at birth. Being is a demon of sorts and provides Uzumaki with a rare advantage; a stable power he is familiar with wherever he goes. Be warned." Naruto smirked slightly. He had his own little page in history.

"Now This is the trick kid. These update across all worlds when this happens. Now for some more minute details..." the man paused.

"There are only a few ways to unleash your power. And by unleash I mean _all of it_. All your accumulated power, whether it be powers from two worlds or a hundred. The quickest way to accomplish this task is to run into another Walker. It will just happen. The second method is to get into a fight with a native being stronger than yourself and be on the verge of death. If it is still more powerful than you, kiss the world goodbye. Last but not least is to murder another person in an insane rage."

"Now here is the most uplifting part of this whole mess. You would think that with one true heaven and one true hell that it will take you a great deal of time to meet your loved ones again when you finally die, correct ?" Naruto glared wanting him to get to the point. He had worried about that in fact,

"You would be wrong….the one power all Walkers share is unique, fascinating and strange. They carry the souls of their loved ones with them…not friends and family but lovers…wives, or husbands. This may seem strange but it is not for the simple fact that recorded here, right on this stone of time, is that fact that when Walkers die, no matter what they did in their long life, they go to a little corner of paradise where their loved ones will all be with them. 'Tis also handy to have a outside observer for advice."

"Here lies the intriguing part…a Walker, during his second or third world, not his first, will be able to manifest a soul of a loved one to talk to. The older they become, the longer they can manifest it….the ones I speak of well over an eon old can manifest them phsyically for a short time so they can hold, hug and kiss people they haven't seen since their first world." Naruto smiled slightly, an incredibly joy welling up inside him.

He felt something warm rush through him and could suddenly smell the scent of a Sakura tree in full bloom.

"NO WAY!" Naruto looked up at the shocked guide with a quzzical glare when a giggle was heard behind him. He whipped round and ceased to move.

"Sa--Sakura?"

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'Uzumaki Naruto. Walker in his first world is first ever walker to manifest the spirit of a loved one in his first world shortly after learning he could gain the ability to do so. Was accomplished through a simple driving need to see a lost loved one.' Was suddenly etched on the stone in front of him but he did not notice it.

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"Hello Naruto-kun. It's been a while, eh?" Naruto swallowed his suddenly dry throat.

"Shh, don't cry Naruto, I'm always right here," she reached out to touch his chest but her had passed through it "I'm always here. We all watch over you. Don't feel guilty for loving Yoruichi or however many women you find. We don't blame you anyway. Doing that gives us more people to talk to eventually." Naruto smiled slightly, holding back happy tears.

"We will always watch over you Naruto…see you round. Never forget we love you, and we always will."

"WAIT!" Sakura faded away a sad smile on her face. Naruto didn't notice the tears streaming down his face as he gave a beaming smile. Naruto's grin wouldn't fade for days.

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Kisuke flinched slighty as Naruto rushed up to him and dragged him away from everyone else. Then listened in awe as Naruto gave a detailed if excited recount of what he had learned.

"So you manifested one?" a nod "Sakura?" another nod. "You gonna be okay?" A nod and a beaming smile.

"I saw her again Kisuke. For the first time in two thousand years. I can't wait till I figure out how to do it and manifest the others. Oh boy…I can't wait! I'm gonna go practice now!" Naruto rushed off like a kid with a new toy. Kisuke chuckled. He had his answer. However strange or incredible it was.

Naruto suddenly appeared again "I can try later. How's Ichigo doing?"

"Not well. He's close to becoming a hollow now." They arrived at the hole. Ichigo was beginning to scream.

"He's becoming a hollow boss." Jinta stood up trying to seem indiffrent. Naruto chuckled.

"Kid's tough. Give him a bit of faith…just watch"

Urahara nodded "Yes, there is still a chance he will become a Shinigami. You see, the order's all wrong. The mask is forming first. Same thing happened to Naruto here." Tessai shouted something and began to complete the incantation ready to kill Ichigo. Naruto smirked. The two were so alike, even gaining their own Shinigami powers was damm near identical.

"FATAL SEAL!" the big block fell. Just before it landed, raw power exploded out of the shaft. Urahara protected the two kids while Naruto merely stood, letting it wash over him. Something shot out of the hole.

Naruto, the kids and Urahara watched as the dust cleared.

Naruto smirked. "Copy cat punk," there stood Ichigo in Shinigami attire with a Hollow mask. Ichigo smashed his mask with the hilt of his sword then took a deep breath. "Phew,"

Jinta smirked "At least he didn't faint like you did Naruto. HAHAHAHA!" SMACK! "OOWWWW!"

"Shut up brat,"

Urahara walked up to Ichigo. "Congratulations. It seems you became a Shinigami again. Lesson two completed." he earned a smack in the face with a sword hilt for his trouble.

While he crouched down holding his face, Ichigo stood over him growling at him. "Shut Up…. Well, well, well. I bet you weren't expecting me to come back alive, were you? I swore to myself that if I came back, I'd kill you the first chance that I got."

Urahara stood a small smile on his face "Your timing is perfect with all for your spirit. We should get started on lesson 3."

"What did you just say?" asked Ichigo dangerously, eyebrow at full twitch

"And the best part is Lesson 3 has no time limit. Knock off my hat with your zanpakuto and the lesson will be cleared." immediately after he stopped talking Ichigo swung at him, power roaring in the room. He managed to nick the hat.

Urahara made a curios noise in the back of his throat. "Not bad considering your Zanpukuto is broken." Naruto frowned, missing Ichigo's reply. That must have happened in his fight with the Shinigami. Naruto hadn't noticed.

Ichigo was getting cocky "Why don't we forget about your concept of no time limits? I think we could end this lesson in about five minutes." Naruto shook his head in exasperation. Ichigo was a dead man.

"Sounds good. Five minutes," Urahara drew his sword from his cane "You say that's all the time you need right?"

Yeah, Ichigo was dead meat.

The two started to fight with Ichigo running and evading, and Urahara laughing like a madman while swinging his sword. Tessai crawled out of the hole while complaining about his cracked glasses.

There was a small lull then suddenly Urahara unleashed his Shikai and cut off another portion of Ichigo's broken sword. Ichigo began to run so he could think of a plan. Urahara rushed up behind him and as Ichigo turned cut off the rest of the sword leaving Ichigo with its hilt. Urahara was taunting him. Urahara procceded to hunt down Ichigo and beat him up before he'd run again. It went on for some time before Ichigo suddenly stopped dead.

Urahara prepared to Attack when Ichigo turned. "ZANGETSU!" there was a short conversation then an explosion of power and Naruto dived out of the way of a massive attack. Naruto whistled as he saw Ichigo's shikai. He paused and looked around _'Why do I hear upbeat music all of a sudden? Oh well, at least it works.'_ Urahara, minus his hat, picked up what was left of it.

"You killed my hat," Naruto smirked.

"You bastard," Ichigo groaned.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you watch American TV." Ichigo fell to his knees and passed out, still gripping his cleaver-like sword.

"Good on you Ichigo. Now you're ready." Urahara nodded to Naruto's statement.

"He'll be cocky as hell when he wakes up. You better walk around with your own shikai." Naruto nodded with a smirk. That would be fun.

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A few hours later Ichigo awoke from his exhaustion-induced slumber.

"Hey Naruto check this….out?" Ichigo's jaw dropped. Naruto was calmly sitting on a rock eating some Ramen with what was obviously his Zanpukuto next to him. It was huge. The armour-clad being with the blue Chinese dragon coiled around his shoulders was at least three times taller than Ichigo himself. Naruto glanced over at him.

"Hey Ichigo, cool Zanpukuto. What's its name again?"

"Uhh Zangetsu. Yours?" Naruto smirked, slurping up the rest of his Ramen.

"Meet Bahamut the Dragon King. Ain't he great? Thing is, this type of sword is perfect for me since I trained with one just its size…of course, I killed its last user and knew its original user before he died fighting against a small army without working arms. Held a knife in his teeth. Psycho bastard…butt a good man. Anyway, it suits me well. Its size and reach allow me to use my strength to maximum potential. It also suits me personally cuz I'm kind of a 'go big or go home' fighter you know?" Ichigo nodded and sat down next to him.

"Urahara left to set something up. He said to come back here in about seven days. You want some Ramen or wanna go now?" Ichigo smiled slighty

"You're actually offering me Ramen? Not even Orihime can wheedle ramen out of you, you tight ass." Naruto smirked.

"It's a gift. You did a hell of a lot today, try some." The blonde replied, handing him a fresh bowl, "The people who were my first real friends invented this flavour just for me. Ayame taught me the recipe on her deathbed. I'm the only person outside their family line who knows it. They take it extremely seriously. Hell, my entire country almost went to war over it about eleven hundred years ago. Some rival in the fast food market wanted the recepie and hired ninja to steal it…the ninja decided eventually it wasn't worth pissing off the most powerful country in the world to earn some hundred thousand yen pay. Good times. Try it, c'mon" Ichigo shook his head with a smile. Naruto had some strange tales up his sleeve.

Ichigo began to eat, then started to devour it ravenously "That was the best Ramen I ever tasted…except for my mom's." he expected Naruto to shout.

"I know….well I don't, but I believe people when they say a mother's cooking is better than any others, the whole love thing. I may have not known it precisely but I knew it when my wives or kids cooked for me." Naruto smirked and then went on to explain about what he had learned earlier.

"So you saw Sakura?"

"Yeah. It loosened knots I didn't even know existed. She's still right here." he thumped his chest "Literally. It's comforting to know. I learned some other stuff too. Like I'm sterile past my first world…or atleast mostly. It is extremely difficult to sire a child in my first jumped world. Also I can't fight in one specific area. Walker holy ground…basically near a tablet. Also Walkers can sense fledges…pre walkers and we can't fight near them either…where supposed to teach them what we are and then do our own thing leave em be…but its mostly up to the indivdual."

Ichigo nodded solemly. His blonde friend lead a complicated life. He smirked. "Ha you'll hjave to go back to school in every world" Naruto swore.

"Maybe not if their close to this one i just have to learn how the new powers work the eb and flow of the world. Apparently most worlds share a common history….mine was just massively different. The next world could be just like this but with vampires or magicians or something. Means I'm gonna have to learn to speak many languages to help me fit in" Ichigo nodded it made sense.

"Time to get hom see you at the fireworks festival Naruto" Naruto nodded and waved him goodbye. Both of them would be training non stop until the time to go to soul society rolled around.

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Seven days later Ichigo stared fondly at his friends and family watching the fireworks. Naruto appeared at his shoulder.

"Hey Naruto,"

"Hey Ichigo…you have a great family."

"Yeah, no matter how annoying they may be."

Naruto nodded "I'll make sure you get home to them with Rukia as well, no matter how risky." Ichigo nodded, smiling slightly at the uplifting comment "Then you can screw her tiny brains out in a school closet." Ichigo spluttered.

"SILENCE!" He spat loudly, "I KILL YOU!" (**1**) Naruto chuckled and dodged.

"See you at one," with that he was gone.

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As Ichigo walked away from his house, Isshin smiled softly.

"Look after my son Walker." Naruto smirked

"Figured you'd know what I am taicho. Urahara told me 'bout you. You're a good man…and yeah I'll bring him back with his girl in tow." Isshin smirked.

"Its girl_s_ isn't it?"

"You proud?"

"Oh yeah," Naruto smiled and leapt across the rooftops. Isshin watched the blonde go.

"I don't care if you are immortal Naruto. My son dies on your watch and you'll follow him all the way to heaven."

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Naruto smirked as Ichigo began to freak out. His friends were there. Chad, Orihime and Uryu. Naruto had sensed they had powers now but kept it quiet, wondering if Ichigo would notice. An unannounced cat leapt onto his shoulders.

"You're a little slow on the uptake aren't you?" said a condesending male voice. Naruto smirked. So strange. A wonderful woman, an absolute tiger in the sack and Yoruichi's cat form had a guy's voice. Women were a mystery he could never solve.

"Hey Yoru-chan,"

"Kid, don't tell me you didn't notice the increase in powers of these three friends of yours. There have been so many clues. You need to be more observant than that if you want to survive. While you were training and trying to regain your Shinigami powers, they were honing their newfound abilities in their own way instead of asking stupid meaningless questions. You aught to be thanking them. Well execpt for Naruto, it's not like he ever does anything."

"HEY!" Naruto exclaimed indignantly. The cat seemed to smirk.

"A FREAKIN CAT JUST TALKED TO ME!" Naruto laughed.

"His name is Yoruichi, and he's no ordinary cat." Naruto felt his girlfriend's claws dig into him slightly at the ease with which he said she was male. She must have been expecting a slight amount of stumbling over the fact.

"All right boys and girl, lets get this party inside. C'mon," Urahara clapped his hands and everyone went inside. Ichigo stopped Orihime outside to ask a question. Naruto didn't hear her response.

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Down in the chamber Naruto and Ichigo stared arouind impassively while Tessai cried over how amazed Orihime was.

Urahara stared clapping, "Alright everyone, listen up!" he snapped his fingers and a stone portal emerged "Voila!"

"This is the gate that leads to Soul Society. It is called the Senkaimon. I'm going to tell you all how to pass through it, but first we need to change one thing…" he hit Ichigo with his cane making his spirit leave his body. The others stared at Naruto "Naruto, if you please,"

Naruto smirked and his body fell away, leaving his Shinigami form free. His body sprang to life landing on its feet drawing startled looks from the three uninformed ones. "Uh uh" his body spoke "You're taking me with you Naruto. No joke, no play…I'm going with you and that's final." it said. Naruto sighed.

"Fine," he reached into his body's belly pulling out a red orb of energy before shoving it into his own stomach. "Oh, heh sorry. Orihime, Chad, Uryu meet the Kyuubi no Yoko, one of the most powerful demons in existence before she was sealed away in me as a child." he then went off on a short version of his previous speeches including the new Walker of Worlds description, leaving Chad and Uryu stunned while Orihime was hugging him happy that Naruto had seen Sakura.

Urahara chuckled "All right listen up," he then explained how the gate would convert those without a soul form into spirt energy so they could go into Soul Society while still alive only leaving behind Naruto's and Ichigo's bodies. Ichigo was getting impatient.

"Alright, we understand, let's get going! URKK!" Urahara happily jabbed him in the kidneys with his cane. While Ichigo rubbed his side whimpering in pain with a worried Orihime watching on, Urahara continued to speak.

'There's a catch. The window of time that it can be kept open for you is…four minutes."

"Is that enough time?"

"Ordinarily…no." everyone began to freak out execpt Naruto. The more insane a plan, the more likely he was to back it. "In fact, the entire scheme is a little shaky. Four minutes with the gate is all I can give you. After that, it will close and anyone who hasn't made it through yet will be trapped in the Dongai; the precipice between this world and the Soul Society." Orihime looked very worried.

"How will we ever make it?" Yoruichi spoke from Naruto's shoulder

"Go forward. Remember what I told you about the connection between heart and soul? You must have no doubt, no fear. Do not think of those you are leaving behind, the will to go forward will be your guide. Don't look back. Only who can do these things can follow me through the gate and survive." Ichigo stepped forward with utmost determination etched into his features.

"We know this already or we wouldn't be here. Quiet with your preaching and let's do this thing now!" Yoruichi stared at him, gaze impenatrable.

"And you understand that if you lose you can never return to this life again right?"

"Then all I need to do is win, huh?"

"Exactly," Naruto smiled and nodded at Ichigo, the impossibly older male showing his approval of the much younger.

Urahara and Tessai powered the gate. "All right everybody ready? As soon as it opens, run in as fast as you can."

Urahara smirked "Ganbatte," there was a flash of light and the group of five was gone.

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FINISHED!

1) Quote from Achmed the Dead Terrorist Puppet of Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham.

FINALLY UPDATED! OH YEAH BABY YEAH!

Heh, I apologize once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Strawberry and the Fishcake**

**By: Uncle Joe**

**Now you may notice that in this chapter and the last**** that I concentrate on Naruto's point of view for obvious reasons. However I also concentrate of his exact perspective so he may miss bits and pieces of conversations he doesn't deem important or is just too bored or lazy to listen too. To those who know the anime (this is based off of dub dialogue) and the manga this won't matter much…to those with only a vague idea… well, you probably just won't care.**

**Addendum: Added 25****th**** November 2008 I'M BACK BABY! (Fireworks go off and 'We are the Champions' plays) My computer is now fixed. It turns out the power had been burned out. It took a while because with work I couldn't get it in to the guy who fixed it. Also, I've made a slight addition to stuff I've previously said in AN's. Now I remember saying that Naruto (a couple chaps ago) had more energy than Ichigo but less than Zaraki Kenpachi. He also had worse control. Here's the rub. That was right when he started off having no idea how to use a new energy source. **

**Now that he has been practicing he knows how to use it, so his control is considerably higher than Ichigo's but less than a captain. His spiritual power has risen in conjunction with that. I think that will clear up any questions.**

**Oh****, one further note. I'm gonna get some first chaps of some fics cleaned up. I've been hearing via review that the grammar that sucks something terrible in my much earlier posts (Before I got Dirty Reid doing my dirty work,) might be driving away people who read this. So my older readers ignore any updates about earlier already posted chapters. Nothing changes; Dirty Reid and I are just cleanin' em up.**

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They were running through a huge dark area that seemed to pulse with energy. Naruto was at the front, Yoruichi to his side and everyone the rest were bringing up the rear.

Uryu, next to Chad, shouted out "Don't look now but that section we just passed through is collapsing on us! I'm running as fast as I can but I don't think we're gonna make it!"

Yoruichi responded without even turning her head. "Quit looking behind you and concentrate on running! If the restricted current swallows you up then its all over!" They continued to run full pelt. Something appeared out of the murk behind Uryu and grabbed him by the extra cloth on his outfit. Ichigo noticed first "Uryu I knew that stupid outfit of yours was going to get you caught!"

"Wait Ichigo! The restrictive current entangles the spiritual body; if you reveal yourself using your zanpukuto it'll swallow you too!" Uryu struggled against it before Chad grabbed him with one hand, tearing away the short cloak-like piece of cloth.

"Thanks for that Chad," The giant Mexican just grabbed Uryu and hauled him over his shoulder.

"C'mon,"

Uryu began to shout and complain about it but was ignored as they ran. He saw something.

"I don't mean to bother you while you're running but something else is coming!" he warned. A light appeared behind them, almost like an old ghost train in some corny movie. "Yoruichi what _is_ that?"

"It's the cleaner. It comes through here every seven days to clear out the passageway and it's just our bad luck that today is the day. Don't look back at it that will only slow you down. Just keep running or it will crush you to powder." Naruto nodded and kept running all the while silently hoping that no one did something stupid. A light appeared ahead, getting closer and closer.

"GO! GO! We're almost there!" shouted Yoruichi as she began to speed up. The cleaner was getting closer.

Uryu shouted "We're not going to make it!" Orihime pivoted, activating her power. Naruto heard her shout some sort of incantation before a glowing transparent shield appeared before the cleaner. Then the world went white.

XXXXX

The next thing Naruto knew, he was falling and the others were screaming. They landed with six faint _thud_s. Naruto couldn't see or hear anything, but by the feel of it he was stuck headfirst in the ground. Someone tugged at his leg and he was pulled free to see he was being held upside down by Chad.

"Thanks Big Bad," Chad nodded and set him down. Naruto scooped up Yoruichi just in time to join Ichigo and Chad in stunned disgust as Uryu pulled out a spare cape.

"Don't tell me he brought a change of clothes," Naruto deadpanned.

"I'm all right with gay people but if he comes on to me I'm gonna stab him," Ichigo nodded in assent and the dark skinned Mexican went a little pale, Naruto's comment days earlier about Uryu stalking Chad coming to the fore of his mind. Orihime got up and dusted herself off, chipper as ever.

"Isn't this great? Everyone's ok!" Suddenly Yoruichi slammed into Orihime's face head butting her eye.

"It was not great; we were lucky." she said disdainfully.

"My eye," Orihime had tears of pain streaming down her face. Naruto lightly swatted Yoruichi on her backside "Bad kitty," he joked. She hissed at him then calmed down.

"I told you not to expose your spiritual powers in there. We were fortunate the cleaner only touched the shield area. If it had touched any part of the six flowers themselves you'd all be dead now."

"I-I didn't know."

Ichigo had something to say about this of course "Hey, lighten up! How was Orihime supposed to know that? Anyway, if it hadn't been for her quick thinking we wouldn't have made it through that gate in the first place."

"I don't think anyone here but Naruto and I appreciate how serious the situation is." everyone turned to Naruto who had sat down in a conveniently placed chair on the porch of a home. He was asleep.

Yoruichi hissed and swiped his face with her claws. His reaction was instantaneous.

"YEEEEOWWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Uryu was the first to notice "… It's quiet…" he murmured with a not so subtle amount of edge in his voice, "… too quiet…"

"Yeah, is this place _really_ the Soul Society?" asked Ichigo, looking just as uneasy as Uryu.

"Yes," replied the black cat. "And the specific area we are in is called the Rukon District. It's here that souls come to live when they first arrive. Actually, it's right on the perimeter of the Seireitei, where Shinigami live."

"It's the poorest section, but also the one with the most freedom. It has the largest population of souls in the place."

Uryu glanced around "If that's true, where is everybody?" Naruto shrugged.

"Maybe their at some huge communal orgy," this drew him some dubious looks "What? I've seen them before."

"Look at those buildings over there," Ichigo was facing a group of buildings behind a wall that looked immaculate and clean cut compared to the tenements surrounding them. It was like comparing the Hamptons to Detroit.

"Why do they look so different from everywhere else?" Yoruichi, the current fountain of knowledge, answered the question.

"Just forget about that" Ichigo's eyes widened in realisation

"I know! I bet it's part of Seirei-whatever where all the Shinigami live ALL RIGHT!" he charged forward. Yoruichi's eyes widened in disbelief at his stupidity. "LET'S DO. THIS. SHIT!"

"WAIT! Stop you idiot! You can't just go in Conan the Barbarian style and expect to live!" Ichigo looked over his shoulder in confusion.

Naruto looked up seeing the massive wall in the sky "Aww crap,"

The wall slammed down shrouding the shocked Ichigo in a dust cloud. Naruto muttered to himself about head strong idiots. "Moron. At least I can survive doing something stupid like that. Jeez,"

"Well, well" Naruto looked up as a deep rumbling voice spoke out of the dust cloud "It's been a long time since anyone tried to pass through the spirit gates without a travel permit." the dust cleared revealing a giant man with armour covering one arm and the standard Shinigami garb. "And I don't get many guests these days, so welcome to you little man"

"Well this is a nice change" muttered Naruto as he sized up the giant.

The giant slammed a massive axe hilt first into the ground. He chuckled "Whenever you are ready, give it all you've got and good luck,"

The rest of the group stared at him in shock. Uryu spoke first "He's a leviathan. What kind of creature do you suppose he is? He's far too big to be a human being." Yoruichi answered.

"He is known simply as Jidanbo. He was chosen from amongst the very best warriors the Soul Society has. His job is to guard the Hakuto gate, one of the four Spirit Gates." Uryu blinked.

"He's the guard? It looks like if we have to get through this gate we have no choice but to defeat him."

"Yes but that will not be an easy task I'm afraid. In the three hundred years that Jidanbo has served at this gate, thousands of invaders have tried but none have ever broken through the Hakuto gate. Jidanbo is just that good."

"How in the world are we supposed to defeat something like that?" asked the Quincy.

"That's where your intelligence and creativity come in. The first thing we need to do is have a meeting to figure out a plan. Ichigo you….WHAA?! CHAD ORIHIME COME BACK HERE! BOTH OF YOU HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS!" the two mentioned were running forward to Ichigo's aid.

"Naruto do something…Naruto?" Naruto was crouched against a post reading a book he had pulled from somewhere. He was only reading with one eye and his free hand covered his mouth and most of his nose. A set of borrowed headphones and a CD player blared rock music so loud that Yoruichi could hear Brian Johnson screaming 'Thunderstruck' from where she was standing. "Hmm? You say something honey?" Yoruichi twitched in rage. Her lover was going to get a good scratching after this.

Jidanbo saw them running forward so he slammed his axe into the ground causing massive damage and making several large cracked sections of the pavement to rise up into a makeshift wall. Uryu paled, "He's not only huge, he's frickin' insane!"

Jidanbo glared at Orihime and Chad, "You two need some manners. What are you, lawless gangbangers or something? We are civilised in this city. Here are the rules. Rule number one: Always wash your hands before you sit down to eat. Rule number two: Don't eat food that's fallen on the floor. Rule number three: All battles in the city must be fought mano a mano."

Naruto chuckled "I can get behind that system….don't glare at me cape boy, I was making a comment."

"The kid with the spiky orange hair was the first to approach and challenge me so he shall be my first opponent. Then I'll come back to deal with you two. This won't take long, I promise you that."

Naruto sighed, tuning it out. Ichigo told Chad and Orihime to back off that he'd handle it…Brave move…stupid but brave. Uryu rushed forward.

"Ichigo we don't have time! we should attack together so we can get past this gate" there was a slight pause.

"You're here too Uryu?" Naruto, somehow still able to hear over Angus Young's explosive chords, doubled over in laughter while Orihime and Chad shared a worried look. Uryu looked like he was going to blow.

There was some more conversation that Naruto didn't catch as he soared to the top of the makeshift wall. Jidanbo glanced at him. Naruto smiled and shook his head, holding his hands wide indicating he wasn't going to attack. Jidanbo nodded and a small amount of respect glinted in his eyes. The blonde one had a sense of honour.

He swung at Ichigo after a little more talk. Naruto smirked slightly. Ichigo's training had really paid off. The big guy was shocked that Ichigo had blocked his attack with one arm only. Jidanbo looked for a second like he was going to explode in anger when he started laughing.

"Your good shorty. I can't remember the last time someone was able to stop my axe." he then went on a spiel before attacking a second time. He then said something about a festival…Naruto wasn't really listening, preferring to tap his foot to the beat of 'Shoot to Thrill' He preferred watching Ichigo's reactions which was a cocky self assured grin. "Good boy, but don't get overconfident; you'll end up dead."

Jidanbo started to shout out random numbers. "I've never had to count this high before" he looked slightly dazed and confused "Its time to finish this." His final strike a side ways cut destroyed the makeshift wall causing Naruto to leap to a roof top then down next to Chad. He had discarded the CD player.

Naruto smiled. Ichigo had blocked again. Chad looked speculative while Uryu and Orihime were just plain shocked. Ichigo taunted the giant. The giant responded by pulling another axe turning red and bunching up his muscles so much that the armour on his left arm broke off. He shouted and brought down both axes in a double strike.

Naruto laughed. He was in for a surprise. Ichigo swung smashing the axes and sending the gatekeeper flying. Jidanbo sat up from where he landed. "Wha-What was that?" Uryu said something similar.

The giant got up oblivious to his destroyed axes. He began to talk about slipping and falling until he noticed his axes were gone.

"Ooh I bet that stings," Yoruichi leaped to Naruto's shoulder after her lover's comment.

"It looks like his axes have been modified somewhat."

Jidanbo started to cry. Naruto could sympathise. Losing a weapon you had for so long was like losing a limb. He didn't know that from experience as he had handed his weapons off to family as gifts and heirlooms but Tenten had drilled it into him.

Ichigo said something mildly comforting when Jidanbo suddenly hugged him in his massive hands saying how generous he was and other such things. Naruto tuned it out as he studied the wall looking for a way in. That was until Jidanbo started to open the gate for them.

Well when Uryu started to shout about Ichigo not being the group's leader, Naruto told him to shut up or he would 'spork' him to death.

Jidanbo then proceeded to lift the gate with pure physical strength. Naruto idly supposed he could pull it off as well but there was no point. Ichigo and the others would learn nothing, nor gain nothing from such an easy victory.

Jidanbo froze once he opened the gate prompting Ichigo to question if he was alright.

Someone appeared in front of them wearing a standard shinigami uniform with the cloak the arrogant ass that had stabbed Naruto had worn.

"That is the Captain of Division 3, Ichimaru Gin" the fox like man chuckled. Naruto growled. This guy seemed to be trying to emulate a fox but he looked more like a slimy weasel. Naruto's long association with foxes and toads led to a hatred of snakes. Not a complete hatred, as most snakes were just normal animals but snake like people and beings gave him the creeps and he ended up just wanting to kill them.

The fox/snake like man never let his smile slip.

"Not good," he smirked. There was a flash of light and a huge cut appeared on Jidanbo's left arm. Jidanbo cried out in pain letting go of the gate with that hand. Dropping it onto his back, The weight knocking him to his knees.

"Unacceptable," Gin said "Being a guardian of the gate doesn't mean you're supposed to open the gate." Jidanbo defended himself.

"I defended the gate and lost. Once I lost I had to open the gate, there was nothing else I could do." he protested. Gin's smile took a nasty turn, seeming to emulate a taut leer.

"What you're saying makes no sense. When a gatekeeper loses he isn't supposed to open the gate. When a gate keeper loses it means death." Ichigo rushed to attack. His sword strike was blocked and both men leaped backwards. Yoruichi's eyes widened in shock "ICHIGO!"

Ichigo pointed his oversized blade at Gin "Care to tell me just what the hell you think your doing? What's the big idea now just showing up and trying to butt in? Stupid frigging ass clown. Anyone who's pathetic enough to make an appearance to attack an unarmed man deserves to be killed." Naruto grinned sadistically. A chance to fight a captain; what fun.

Gin smiled as if amused by Ichigo "… Y'know, I, I think you're kinda fun kid. You're not scared of me," it was more of a statement.

Ichigo rolled his eyes "Hell no," Yoruichi glared.

"Careful boy, you must stop. Ichigo it's best we retreat for now." Naruto sighed in the background. Yes retreating against an unknown opponent was smart but not fun.

"Huh? Why? I'm only just getting started here. I am not going to submit to this guy. Look I'll be fine so just let me finish this guy off!"

Gin grinned "You must be Kurosaki Ichigo." Ichigo turned, slightly worried.

"How do you know me?"

"Hmm… you're fun, but you're predictable." Gin turned and walked away. Naruto stiffened. It was an obvious sign the guy was extremely confident in his abilities and probably had a trick up his sleeve.

Ichigo didn't see this. "Wha… hey where are you going…HEY WAIT!" Gin was still walking away but his voice was loud and clear despite being soft spoken and almost friendly.

"All the more reason why I can't let you pass." Naruto glared. The weasel was toying around. He pulled out a short sword.

Ichigo glared "So why are you standing so far back? You planning on throwing that dagger?" Gin turned

"Oh this isn't a dagger. She's my Zanpukuto," Gin suddenly whirled going into a blade thrust stance. He whispered something as his Reiatsu skyrocketed. The dagger like soul blade extended at an astonishing speed. Ichigo barely had time to bring his blade up to stop being impaled. It wasn't enough. The force of the blow while not piercing through Ichigo's block lifted him up and sent him flying into Jidanbo, both boy and giant went flying back and the gate began to close.

The gate dropped shut. Gin waved and smiled "Ta ta," Naruto smirked and just before it closed, punched the gate.

On the other side Gin leapt backwards as the gate rocked in its frame screeching as it ground across the ground. "Well isn't that interesting,"

Naruto ignored the conversation the others were having and the sudden appearance of the civilians. "If we're gonna be facing guys like that, I'm gonna have to be ready at a moments notice.

"Heh I'm beginning to like this place."

A few hours later while Chad was wandering around with some kid Naruto had joined Ichigo on a tall rooftop. The two Shinigami sat in a companionable silence just watching the wall that kept them from the person they had come to rescue. Naruto slapped Ichigo on the back and jumped off the tower. Heading to the old village leader's place. Once he got there he propped his blades up in the corner curled up into a ball and turned off the world, Metallica replacing AC/DC on his mental stage.

An hour later Naruto woke up to shouting, the battery to the disc player having died. Some guy called Pig Straddler apparently was arguing with Ichigo. Naruto got to his feet and walked over to the two arguing men.

SMACK

CRUNCH

Both Ganju and Ichigo were on the floor cradling their heads. "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep."

Naruto went back to his corner and hefted his blade. Ganju recovered first.

"WHATS THE BIG IDEA, SHINIGAMI HITTING A MAN WHEN HIS BACK IS….turned?" Ganju stared at the two wickedly sharp blades being pointed in his direction and swallowed nervously.

"Be quiet. If you want to fight, go outside." Ganju nodded slowly and backed away.

"Stupid brats, disturb my sleep. The elderly get no respect these days. Sheesh," Naruto settled back down and was out like a light.

Naruto woke up again as the two were fighting outside shouting and cursing. Naruto growled.

"ENOUGH!" he got in between the two.

"Oh yeah Shinigami? What makes you think you can stop me?" Naruto sighed.

Naruto shook his head then punched the ground. There was a loud boom when the dust cloud cleared Ganju stared opened mouthed at the massive crater the single strike had made in the street. Only Yoruichi had seen examples of his true strength but even she was impressed.

"Soooo, can I stop you boy?"

"Ye-yes sir,"

"Are you going to continue fighting, either of you?"

"N-No sir,"

"Nope not one bit."

"Good," suddenly the large clock on the back of one of Ganju's henchmen rang. Ganju whistled and the huge boar he was riding knocked down Ichigo as it sped towards its master. Ganju was sent flying eventually ending up landing on the back of his boar which ran off. Ichigo was knocked down by the other members of the gang as they rode their….noble steeds after their boss.

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The next day Naruto was on the roof of the building quietly drinking tea. The sound of an argument was going on down below until he heard a cat's hiss then Ichigo scream.

Naruto chuckled. He leapt down returned the tea set to the old man and they were off.

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**A few hours later****…**

Naruto stared at the building in front of them. It was really strange. A normal rather bland house surrounded by two huge stone hands holding a flag and a massive chimney-like protrusion. Naruto ignored the two horrified morons…ahem, he ignored the shocked Uryu and Ichigo as he headed towards Shiba Kukaku.

"HALT STRANGERS!" two voices shouted. Naruto looked up with a smile spotting two burly looking twins standing on the stone hands.

"Who dares trespass here?"

"Foreigners from the looks of them and two of them are Shinigami" the two brothers jumped down.

"Suspicious. I, Kongaihiko" "And I, Shirogaihiko" They now spoke in unison "Cannot allow you passage inside this building"

"BEGONE! OR advance now and be killed for your insolence." Ichigo groaned.

"Crap. More deranged gatekeepers. This soul society is just one annoyance after another." Suddenly the brothers spotted the black cat rubbing itself against Naruto's leg.

"Master Yoruichi!!"

They were quickly led inside by one of the brothers and down a huge flight of steps.

"A thousand apologies Master Yoruichi we had no idea that these trespassers where your servants."

Naruto smirked "Actually we're slaves…The Shinigami are the body guards, the woman is his personal maid. The big guy is the baggage handler and the guy in white…is the eunuch." Uryu looked horrified but Ichigo snorted, restraining laughter.

The brother turned to Uryu with a speculative glance "Hmm, explains a lot." Ichigo burst out laughing.

Yoruichi chuckled "It's my fault I should have sent word ahead that me and my…slaves were on our way here."

"Aha you are too kind Master, such generous words from such a kind person."

The guard paused in front of a sliding traditional door. He kneeled "Master we have visitors."

A voice that was suspiciously not male said "Come in," the others had figured that Kukaku was a man. Naruto knew different. After all, Yoruichi did talk about some stuff from Soul Society such as Kukaku, her division, Soifon and the various captains.

The door opened. Naruto and Yoruichi walked forward. The others remained frozen behind them.

"Well it's been along time hasn't it Yoruichi?"

"KUKAKU'S A WOMAN?" came the shout from behind. Naruto snickered.

"You just assumed she was a man. I never said she was." Naruto winked at Yoruichi who grinned back…well as much as a cat can.

"It seems you brought some brats with you."

Naruto settled down against a wall and pulled an apple he had swiped earlier out of his robe. He munched on it while Yoruichi and Kukaku talked. He liked the woman already. Headstrong, cocksure, tough, she sort of reminding him of Tsunade…though he would never say to her face that she reminded him of a woman who he considered a grandmother. She certainly had the breasts for it even though she was missing an arm. Naruto frowned slightly. He wondered where she lost it. With her arm was short black hair and stormy grey eyes.

'_H__mm I wonder if Yoruichi is planning something. She did say that meeting Kukaku would be fun.' _

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Renji turned and grabbed Rukia's shoulder just before he left the repentance cell.

"I learned some interesting information today. Five people tried to get into Soul Society. The intruders were repelled. I heard that one of them had a sword as long as his body." Rukia gasped.

"One had spiky orange hair and the other had blonde hair and two blades." Rukia smiled slightly. They were both alive!

If they were here, they were coming for her. Ichigo and Naruto were coming for her. The orange haired man she felt an incredible bond with and another she respected, feared and liked as a friend. She smirked slightly. Naruto and Ichigo would blow Soul Society up if that was what it would take to find her.

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Naruto had fallen asleep so the massive fire that gutted the building caused by Kukaku in her anger over a broken pipe during Ichigo's and Ganju's brawl only mildly disturbed him.

"Yoruichi, is the blonde still alive?" Yoruichi nodded "Wake up blondie," Naruto's eyes cracked open to be greeted by the sight of Kukaku's impressive cleavage.

"That's an interesting a sight to wake up to." Kukaku flushed slightly

"Don't get cocky brat," Naruto stood with a smirk, he looked around at the destroyed room. "So what did Ichigo do now?"

Yoruichi chuckled slightly while Ichigo huffed from his position on the floor. The next thing Naruto knew he was staring up at the only way into the Seireitei. A cannon.

"Oh hell no,"

"You scared blondie?" Naruto smiled.

"No actually. This is gonna be really _fun_." Kukaku could hear the genuine excitement in his voice. _'No wonder Yoruichi likes him. Kids got a certain something…I wonder…'_

Ichigo blinked "Fireworks?"

Kukaku smirked "That's right,"

She looked up into the dark ceiling far above. She shouted out to the two brothers "RAISE IT UP NOW!"

The floor began to shake. Naruto stared at the cavernous roof with a small smile. He ignored the shouts and exclamations from his friends though he did flinch slightly when Orihime swore…he was having a bad influence on that girl….heh good.

He walked sure footed across the shaking room to stand beside the grinning Kukaku.

The roof opened and the dark room which had previously been sparsely illuminated was bathed in daylight.

Kukaku smirked "Did that scare you kids?"

Naruto snorted. Nobody could scare the boy who wasn't afraid to die. Afraid of a pissed off woman yes, but that was a perfectly reasonable fear. Being afraid of dying a horrible painful death… please who's afraid of that?

"This is my one and only enhanced fireworks launch pad." stated Kukaku with pride colouring her normally gruff voice. Ganju who had previously not been in the room, or anywhere nearby for that matter, seemed to just appear in front of her.

"AND that's the flower crane cannon." his statement was greeted by a stomp to the back of his head courtesy of his sister who growled out.

"That was my line," Ganju moaned an apology from his new dent in the floor of the cannon's platform.

Kukaku ignored her brother "Hmm left you all speechless didn't I?"

Uryu frowned "You may be a pyrotechnical wiz, but I'm still not fully convinced of it," he paused to readjust his glasses "The idea of shooting us up into the air is completely…URRGH!" he was cut off as a large clear ball about the size of a soccer ball smashed into his face. Kukaku smirked while Naruto whistled and hastily stuck his hands back into his pockets before winking at the busty woman.

Ichigo caught the ball ignoring Uryu sinking to his knees clutching his face. 'What's this?"

"It's a Reiskukaku or a Spirit Core. Place your palms on it and concentrate your spirit energy" Naruto frowned. He didn't know if Ichigo had done any work in channelling his spirit energy. He had told Urahara to teach him how. If Urahara hadn't, Naruto was sure a beating was coming the store owner's way.

Ichigo grunted and squeezed the ball for a second before stopping "Uhh, Can someone show me how to do this?"

Yup. One _hell_ of a thrashing.

Kukaku blinked "Any Shinigami should easily be able to do that." she raised her hand and with no effort a ball of glowing energy was floating perfectly under her palm. Naruto raised a single eyebrow and frowned slightly. A much larger ball appearing over his palm. He smirked; that training with Yoruichi had really paid off.

Naruto sat on the edge of the platform and produced a notebook and started to write. He had to keep himself alive somehow in this world. Several centuries ago when he had first realized that cross dimensional travel was possible, he had sat down for several hours and figured out ways to be able to fund himself when he was in a different world.

He had quickly realized that as long as wherever he was populated by humans, writing a good smut novel would be appreciated. He had taken a year to completely memorize the entire Icha Icha collection which had by that time, become a rare collectors edition find as it was no longer produced. A series of movies, re-makes, comic books, action figures and all sorts of merchandising had put a permanent stop to him continuing on his godfather's legacy.

However he had already written down from memory the first book in the series and was currently working on number two. He tuned out the following conversation where Ichigo got into a tussle with Ganju, before they where both knocked flat by Kukaku then following Ganju explaining how to use the Spirit Core.

Naruto turned with a raised eyebrow to see a large completely circular dome covering Ganju who stood inside with a smug grin.

Kukaku rapped her knuckles against the outside of it before turning to explain to them.

"This here is the cannon ball,"

"Cannon ball?!" muttered Uryu in shock.

"Now place close attention everyone!" Naruto put his book away and turned fully to face the fireworks expert. "If you think the only thing guarding the Seireitei is that barrier," she was obviously referring to the giant stone wall "You are dead wrong. But it isn't anywhere near that simple. That barrier is made from a stone known as Sekiseki. It's highly rare, even in the soul society."

Kukaku produced a small ordinary looking stone from a pouch on her belt "This is a fragment of it" Naruto noticed her gathering Reiatsu in her hand the same way Tsunade did chakra and slam it down.

To his rather small amount of shock there was a perfect hole in the platform but in the exact centre was an unmarred circle upon which rested the Sekiseki. "As you can see it completely repels spirit energy. Therefore it is impossible to smash through the barrier with Reiatsu alone, even if" she picked up the stone "it is cut into a small piece such as this, it emits this field from all sides."

Naruto grunted. There went his plan to dig his way in. Kukaku continued her lecture "Which means that the Seireitei has this spherical barrier which protects them, not only from the sky above but even from below the ground."

"Which is why we use this." she rapped her knuckles once again on the ball, Ganju inside looked completely drained.

"Enough show and tell." he rasped "I'm tired."

Kukaku snarled "Suck it up. This cannon ball is a special hard spiritual penetration device I invented." her sea green eyes seemed to light up with a fierce pride, but Naruto saw a hint of wicked mischievousness to it "In other words, if all five of you put your Reiatsu combined into this Reiskukaku you will create a cannon ball hard enough to break through the barrier. Then I'll use the Flower Crane Cannon to launch you in, Hail Mary style."

Kukaku smirked "Any questions?" Ichigo stammered over something for a second before being cut off by Kukaku "All right then, take them to the underground training chamber and teach them how to use the spirit cores."

Her two dim-witted guards appeared and grabbed two people each. One grabbed Uryu and Orihime the other Chad and Ichigo. Naruto just continued to sit where he was chuckling to himself as he listened to Ichigo's cries of outrage and Orihime's exclamations of wonder. He picked up the dropped spirit core and charged it creating a perfect ball.

Kukaku stared at him for a second before turning back to Ganju who was slightly smoking "Oh yeah, thank you."

"Y-you're welcome."

Kukaku nodded "All right now get your ass down there and help them practice." Naruto saw Ganju's melancholic expression and got up moving away a respectful distance not hearing the conversation that followed.

When Ganju left Naruto slowly approached Kukaku still writing in his book. Kukaku studied him for a long moment "So you're Yoruichi's new lover huh?"

"Yeah why? Are you an old one?" Kukaku's eyes widened at the rather blunt question.

"Only occasionally," Naruto faced her, pocketing his book and gave her a dazzling smile which to Kukaku's surprise made her flush slightly.

"Then I doubt you would mind joining us for a little… _training session._" Kukaku raised an eyebrow at the seemingly young bold man. She glanced at the black cat nearby who was watching curiously.

"I think I'd like to see what the man who finally snagged hairball's heart is really made of." Kukaku knew she had made a mistake when Naruto's grin took a decidedly mischievous turn and it sounded like Yoruichi was trying to muffle some snickers behind her.

Naruto grinned and moved towards her.

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Kukaku groaned as the person above her pressed her back into the bed sheets. They had quickly and quietly retreated to her rooms. It was still early in the day and it would not be until tomorrow when those kids finally got the hang of the spirit balls.

Her single hand fisted in the blonde locks of the man on top of her as her entire body quivered. He was playing her like a damn violin. Every caress heightened sensation, and when she was so close as his hands and skilled mouth worked her breasts and womanhood, he backed off letting the sensation fade before he began anew.

Yoruichi's warm breath tickled her ear as her seductive lust filled voice whispered in Kukaku's ear "I told you he was good."

Kukaku ignored Yoruichi's jibe. The one armed woman shouldn't have underestimated the blonde man. She used the hand fisted in Naruto's hair to bring him down into a savage kiss. She rolled over coming up on top, she knew that her chest which was far larger than Yoruichi's had so far drawn most of his attention, and it had felt great but now she needed something more. She saw Yoruichi's hand snake down and wrap around her lover's shaft, helping her guide him in.

"Urrgh its been too long since I-I've had a romp like…t-this…Fuck, do that again!" Naruto grinned and thrust up into Kukaku again, making the woman gasp. He rolled again; with him on top he could really set a punishing pace. Kukaku's large breasts were crushed against his muscular chest. Her nipples seemed to be trying to drill their way into him.

Yoruichi couldn't help the smug grin that made its way onto her face as Naruto really started to go hammer and tongs at Kukaku. The way her old friend cried out and clutched at him gasping wide eyed she had definitely not expected it. Yoruichi let her hand slide down her dark chocolate skin and slipped a finger inside of herself with a small pleased sigh. She would join them later, when Kukaku had gotten the full experience of Naruto's stamina.

Yoruichi had to practically force it out of him that it had taken a full length session, with all of his wives one after the other, together and all sorts of combinations that had lasted four whole days before he had finally collapsed from exhaustion. He had however not admitted another fact that Yoruichi had deduced anyway that fact being that when he had done that he had not been alive for two millennia, he had only been thirty or so and his stamina strength and skill etcetera would have increased in all those years.

Yoruichi grinned. She knew. She just _knew_ that he would win the hearts of a couple more women while in the Seireitei. She couldn't wait to find out how long he could last now. It would be an interesting experience.

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Naruto stretched as much as he could. He could tell the two sweaty exhausted women on top of him were still awake. He smirked, looking down his chest at the rear end of Yoruichi, dripping with her cum, and Kukaku, panting off to the side, still joined to him.

"Why do I feel like a giant ying yang symbol right now?" this comment earned him a snicker from the pale skinned Kukaku and a light slap to the belly from the chocolate skinned Yoruichi.

A door slid open "Hey sis, dinner's rea….WHAT THE HELL?"

Ganju made to advance into the room but was smashed in the face by a large heavy paperweight courtesy of his sister. He dashed out of the room.

Soon followed an angry Naruto who was strapping on his swords. "Thanks a lot man, now you got her mad. I could have been in there for a while longer, but nooooo you had to go barging in. Cock-blocking bastard."

Ganju bristled "How dare you seduce my-" he froze and swallowed as a sword point came to rest on his neck

"Finish that sentence and I'll turn you into a choir boy. Now lead me to the kitchen." Ganju nodded slowly and fearfully as he turned Naruto spoke again "Besides Yoruichi's the one who seduced her, I just got invited." Ganju blushed ferociously and walked away refusing to look at Naruto who smirked all the while.

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Naruto strolled into the room where the others where eating. "Hey guys."

They looked up at him smiling, frowning and staring blandly in turn. Naruto smiled at Orihime, Uryu and Chad.

"Where were you old man?" Naruto raised an eyebrow at Uryu who didn't bat an eyelash at his insult.

"Training with Kukaku,"

"What kind of training?"

Naruto's face stretched into a sly and perverse grin. Uryu frowned, noting the others confusion.

He opened his mouth to ask for a clarification when he paused, his smile looked like his fathers when he went out sometime to.

"OH sweet Kami-sama, you had sex with her?" Chad who had been taking a drink choked before swallowing and going into a fit of coughing. Orihime flushed and gaped at him.

Naruto shrugged "So what? We're both consenting adults. Its none of your business really" he leered at them "Unless… you want to hear details… Mmhmhmhmhm…" they all flinched.

Orihime knew she would die of embarrassment if he told her about what had gone on. Uryu was fairly sickened that Naruto would share such private details and Chad, well Chad had read the draft of Naruto's first book and knew it would be put on paper anyway. He just had to pay extra special attention to make sure he picked that particular event out when he read it.

Suddenly the house rocked. The four of them shared a look "Ichigo," before rushing off.

They came upon Kukaku shouting at Ichigo who was surrounded by a huge ball of spiritual energy. It slowly became smaller until it was the size everyone else had managed. Its edges wavered and rolled like an ocean before Kukaku snarled out,

"You idiot you have to concentrate" Ichigo stared at her

"Huh?" just as the ball started to crack.

Naruto closed his eyes and groaned as the heat and wind washed over his skin and the flash of light from the explosion pierced his closed eyes. He watched Ichigo and Ganju be beaten by Kukaku for their mistakes, Ichigo in causing the explosion and Ganju for teaching him how to do it.

Naruto smiled.

She was his kind of woman. Independent, ferocious and a total wildcat in the bedroom.

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**Seireitei: Captains briefing room****...**

The massive doors before the smiling Gin opened and a wizened old voice full of power rumbled out. "SO your finally here, Taicho of the 3rd division Ichimaru Gin."

Gin stepped into the room, his ever-present Fox-like or as Naruto would say weasel-like smile on his face. "An unexpected summons. Tell me, should I be appalled or impressed and look at this distinguished crowd?" he glanced around at the other captains. The only one missing was Ukitake Jushiro who was of course, unable to come due to his illness. Gin feigned ignorance.

"The Captains of the Soul Society all here just for me?" his head cocked back slightly "Or am I mistaken? Captain of squad thirteen isn't here… what happened, his balls drop off?" Kaname, the blind dark skinned Taicho of Division Nine answered in his soft slightly scratchy voice "He's not feeling very well."

"Gee… I hope he get's better," The massive Shinigami Taicho with his hair in spikes topped by bells whose face was scarred and bore an eye patch growled.

"Quit joking around. You know that's not why you were summoned here." he was Zaraki Kenpachi, the Taicho of Division Eleven.

"It is my understanding;" he continued in his deep gravelly voice "that you went and played with those Ryoka by yourself didn't you? Did I also hear that you failed? Explain yourself. You should have no trouble dealing with four or five Ryoka without backup."

Gin looked at him fully "What are you saying Zaraki? That they survived?"

"What?" snarled the giant warrior.

Gin rubbed his head sheepishly, "Well _I _thought they were dead. I guess my instincts are starting to fail me."

Another captain spoke. His voice was soft and had an odd less than sane tone to it that grated on the nerves "Stop all this monkey business right now!"

It was Kurotsuchi Mayuri, Taicho of Division Thirteen. His odd mask with its extended chin and odd ear coverings with the black and white face and the lard hat which went way over to his left side added to his large purple scarf gave an over all disturbing image.

"There is absolutely no way that captains such as us could not tell when an opponent's signature had ceased to exist."

The smallest and youngest member sighed, Hitsugaya Toshiro, Taicho of Division Ten sighed in annoyance. The short almost fourteen-year-old looking Shinigami was definitely annoyed. "Oh no not again, old fools caught up in stupid bickering."

Gin didn't even look at Mayuri "Are you implying that I let him go on purpose?"

Mayuri sneered "That is exactly what I am saying."

Kenpachi took a step forward "Enough Kurotsuchi. Can't you see I was the one talking to him first, or perhaps you'd rather be done in by me?"

Mayuri sneered again "What did you say?"

A young woman with a small lithe body sighed "So stupid" it was Soifon, Taicho of Division Two.

A tall man wearing a long pink robe with flowers upon it who was unshaven and wearing a wide straw hat spoke up. "What do you know, tempers are running high today." he was Kyoraku Shunsui, Taicho of Division Eight.

A tall regal looking man with a silver scarf around his neck and silver hair clasps in his dark hair was silent, letting the argument wash over him. He was Kuchiki Byakuya, Taicho of Division Six.

"STOP!" the argument was ended once and for all by the old man sitting in a chair at the head of the room "Enough of this foolishness!" he was Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai, Taicho of the First Division and the foremost warrior of Soul Society.

"I should think the true reason you have been summoned here to stand among your peers has been made abundantly clear. It is the fact that you acted alone, coupled with the fact that you allowed your target to escape. How do you defend your actions Ichimaru?" he asked harshly.

Gin smiled "I cannot…well except to say that the element of surprise got the better of me." Yamamoto frowned and Gin continued "I was shocked and my reactions slowed when I witnessed the strange blonde Shinigami with the dual zanpukuto standing with the other Ryoka that Kuchiki-Taicho believed he had killed."

All eyes were now upon him, especially the Captain in question, but all questions were forestalled "How that Ryoka survived is of no matter. How do you defend yourself Ichimaru?"

Gin shrugged "I cannot. It was a mistake and I will accept whatever punishment you see-" he was cut off.

"Just a minute Ichimaru," it was a rather intelligent looking brown haired man in simple glasses. He was Sosuke Aizen, Taicho of the Division Five. "I have something I want to ask you first."

Before he could voice his question alarms rang out through the room "Red alert! Red alert! Intruders in the Seireitei, all squads into position. Repeat, Red alert!"

"Those Ryoka?" muttered Zaraki.

Gin smiled.

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**Kukaku's home**...

Orihime was the first to notice Yoruichi walking into the room. Naruto grinned. His girl was still hiding her real identity, not to mention gender by hiding in her cat form.

Yoruichi padded forward her male sounding voice smug "So our Ichigo has finally succeeded in forming a cannon ball has he?" she padded over to the now sleeping Ichigo.

Ganju watched her "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong he's just sleeping it off. I need the rest of you to go and sit over there." Orihime still looked concerned like she wanted to rush to Ichigo and hug him until he woke up.

"We do not have much time until we begin out mission. I am going to tell you now what we can expect once we're inside the Seireitei you must remember that…WAHHHHHHH!" the others stared in shock.

Naruto however "AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!" he doubled over in laughter as Yoruichi screamed from the sleeping Ichigo's rough grip on her tail.

"AHH GET HIM OFF ME, GET HIM OFF LET GO OF MY TAIL YOU BASTARD!"

Meanwhile

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Hehehehe (snort followed by muffled snicker) oh god, hehehe that's just too funny, oh man (snort) hehehehe."

Naruto suddenly realized he was being glared at. Yoruichi now free, her tail no longer straight nor zigzagged, but more importantly she was stalking towards him. Naruto swallowed.

"Hehehe gotta run," with that he was gone the black cat on his heels

"IT"S NOT FUNNY! I KILL YOU!"

"OH COME ON IT WAS FUNNY!"

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Naruto grinned. Yoruichi had caught up with him by changing back to her human form then punished him by having Naruto service her. Not a bad punishment really.

Naruto was currently outside before the cannon with the others while Uryu popped inside to summon Ichigo. Naruto eyed Yoruichi's bent tail "Well I think it makes you look distinctive and unique."

"Bite me," she snapped quietly.

"Sure, where?" Naruto replied smartly, eyeing her rump and probably making her blush. Uryu quickly arrived with Yoruichi in tow. "Very well, are we all here now?"

"Yes sir," Naruto merely grunted in response to the cat's question. Naruto used his hand to cover his smile when Ichigo stared at Yoruichi's tail.

"What happened to your tail Yoruichi? It looks like one of those flexible tooth brushes." the others gasped in fear while Naruto made an odd strained grunt drawing a smile from Kukaku as he attempted not to laugh.

Yoruichi hunched over, well as much as a cat can, and began to glow an ominous red. Her voice though quite deep while in her cat form became even lower and more ominous.

"Is there something _wrong_ with my tail?" she asked in a menacing voice.

Ichigo gulped "N-No nothing it's a perfectly wonderful beautiful tail!" he squeaked in reply.

Uryu leaned in and whispered in Ichigo's ear "Don't you remember, you're the one who actually did that."

"I did?"

"Yup. When you fell asleep after making that cannon ball you grabbed Mr. Yoruichi's tail. It took three of us to get him loose and by then it was too late." Ichigo turned back to the cat in question a wince upon his features.

Yoruichi in turn looked like she was about to cry.

"My tail, my pride and joy, ruined" Orihime, Chad and Uryu sweat dropped.

Naruto couldn't hold it any longer "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

He was rolling on the floor clutching his stomach with tears streaming down his face. He was quickly sobered by several slashes with razor-like claws to his face.

Naruto got to his feet ignoring the hissing of Yoruichi and brushed himself off, not caring about the wounds that had already disappeared.

Kukaku noticed someone was missing "Hey wait, why isn't Ganju here with the rest of you?"

Ichigo shrugged "Last time I saw him he was down stairs muttering some nonsense to himself."

"Never fear, Ganju is here!" sang said man. Naruto groaned.

"Dumbass,"

Ganju either didn't hear Naruto's comment or chose to ignore it. Naruto groaned and tuned out Ganju's and Ichigo's argument.

"My Aniki was killed by a Shinigami" Naruto turned watching him carefully.

"Ganju don't you dare," Kukaku began to stand by. Ganju, in a rare show of actually having a backbone, glared at her

"Why don't you let me talk for a change sister?" Naruto smiled slightly at Kukaku's shocked expression. It was kind of like the one she made when she…he shook his head, not the time for those thoughts.

"My brother was a brilliant man," Ganju's eyes were far away locked in memory "He passed the Shinigami academy entrance exam on his first try, by then his Reiatsu was sixth class. That's the same as a Divisional Lieutenant. Then he finished a six year training course in a single year. Then he joined a training squad. Within five years he became a Lieutenant, but he was betrayed his own agents, ultimately leading him to his grave."

"I was just a kid back then so I don't remember all the details but I remember the faces. Those two faces, the face of that cold hearted Shinigami as he dragged my brother's mangled body back here and the face of my dying brother."

Ganju smiled sadly, "My brother's last words were a thank you to that Shinigami. I could never understand and still don't understand how he could do that. Somehow my brother never blamed the Shinigami and he never hated them."

He paused and Naruto grimaced, it was touching but he hated listening to sob stories. He of course was guilty of the same thing but he did his best not to go on and on.

"BUT HOW?" Ganju was in full swing now "How could he keep believing in them? how could he not hate the fiends who destroyed him?" he pointed at Ichigo then Naruto in turn.

"You two are somehow different from the other Shinigami, that's what I think and I think that if I go with you I might discover something important. Its why I'm willing to go into enemy territory with you and learn what being a Shinigami is all about."

Naruto grunted, it was the same as all true warrior vocations: Sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears.

Ganju glanced at Naruto who nodded with a small smile. The boy had his approval. Yoruichi called them over.

"All right then are you all ready for the cannon ball?"

"Yes." they said in unison.

Ichigo looked thoughtful as he held the spirit core, "Hey I just thought of something," he looked up at Yoruichi "Can you make a cannon ball?"

"Actually that's a good question. I guess I'd aught to give it a try."

Uryu groaned "Don't tell me this is your first time making one,"

Yoruichi ignored him she stalked forward "Put the core down on the ground Ichigo."

Ichigo set it gently down and stepped back. Yoruichi leapt onto the ball standing perfectly balanced on it. The ball glowed and soon a perfect sphere surrounded the cat.

They stared in shock and awe and Yoruichi was definitely smug about it "Just as I suspected. The task was as natural as breathing in and out."

Orihime gasped in awe and clapped but Ichigo collapsed surrounded by an aura of depression.

"I can see it bothers you but I don't know why you find it so surprising. You will learn there are many things I can do that are far beyond your reach."

Ganju and Kukaku were talking quietly next to the cannon. Kukaku whirled and spoke loudly 'If your all ready to go, then the final countdown begins now!" she smacked her fist against the cannon's massive barrel and a large circular entrance appeared. "Get inside everyone." as they filed in Naruto took the lead. Just before he stepped across the doorway he wrapped an arm around Kukaku's waist and pulled her into a kiss.

Kukaku tried and was unable to swear mentally. _'He did not just make me cream my panties, he did not just make me cream my panties,' _was her inner mantra. Naruto broke the kiss and smirked.

"I'll be back babe," then stepped into the cannon followed by a blushing Orihime then a growling Ganju.

Once they where all inside Kukaku sealed them in. They were spaced around the spirit core one hand on it each with Yoruichi riding on top of it. Kukaku's voice outside was muffled and unintelligible.

Yoruichi gave them each a pointed look, "Now listen, once we are inside the Seireitei it is _imperative_ that we stay together. If you run into a Taicho, do not fight. Do not even _think_ about it, just run." Naruto snorted and Yoruichi glared at him "That goes double for you Naruto."

Naruto just grunted and looked away.

"Our goal is to save Rukia do you understand? You must avoid taking any unnecessary risks."

Suddenly they could feel the rise in Reiatsu outside. Yoruichi shouted "Now it has begun! Pour your Reiatsu into the core!" The cannon ball formed.

They stayed still for a moment before they were suddenly in the air with only a slight vibration, Kukaku's house far below them.

Naruto grinned, "Here we go."

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Far below on the ground Kukaku, stared up at the trail of smoke leading into the sky, she smiled wistfully and whispered.

"May the fates smile on you, Naruto-kun, Yoruichi-chan, Ganju." she whispered before she went back in the house, intent on finding a change of underwear.

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Up in the sky Naruto stared out of the dome at the ground far below and whistled. Ichigo hummed "I somehow thought that blast off would be more explosive."

Ganju grinned smugly "That's only the start you simpleton."

Naruto rolled his eyes. if these two idiots were going to argue all the way through their mission then someone was gonna die. The cannon ball suddenly reached the apex of its flight before it zoomed to the side making some of them shout in surprise. Naruto watched Ganju pull out a long scroll full of kanji and began to murmur to himself.

Ichigo noticed "What is that thing?"

Ganju grimaced and talked while still glancing between the scroll and the spirit core. "These are the directions for the next stage of the launch. The first stage of the Flower Crane Cannon. Number 2 was the blast off itself and the initial direction setting. Now we go to the secondary spell which controls the acceleration and axis adjustment. This will help with the precision guidance."

By Ichigo's blank look he hadn't understood a word.

"Alright stay out of my way if you want to land safely" he nodded slowly and turned his head to address everyone. "Now there's one last thing I've got to tell you all. To enter the Seireitei successfully we have to stabilize this cannon ball. That requires keeping the Reiatsu output from each of us at a constant level and to do that keep your hand on the crystal in the centre so you can see how much energy the others a releasing and simply adjust your energy release accordingly. One mistake and that's it; we'll all die."

They nodded, totally focused.

Ganju began to chant the spell that was needed. Naruto frowned and grunted "Ichigo cut back, you're releasing too much."

"Alright I'll back off." he took a deep breath and with visible effort the excess energy faded but not enough.

Uryu frowned, "Ichigo, you got to cut back just a little more."

Ichigo's eyes snapped open "What? But I've already lowered my output by almost half."

Chad frowned "Ichigo…"

"Alright, alright I'm working on it."

Ganju continued to chant.

Their argument continued trying to get Ichigo to lower his output even more. Ganju's eyebrow started to twitch. He snapped.

"Would you shut up?! You and your big mouth made me repeat the same line twice!" he shouted at Ichigo.

"Don't blame me just because you can't remember your stupid little chant."

"That stupid little chant might just save your life it you could shut the fuck up."

They growled and head butted each other, cursing each other and glaring. Naruto watched blandly.

"Oh joy, we're going to die." Chad snorted at Naruto's deadpan delivery.

Chad noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Hey what's that?"

The argument stopped, they where coming up onto a citadel "It's the Seireitei," said Ganju.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Inside the Captains meeting room no one was surprised to see Zaraki run off as soon as the intruder alert went up. He was always dying for a fight. They were shocked however too see Kuchiki Byakuya following him at a more sedate pace.

"Where do you think your going Kuchiki?" questioned Mayuri. The Noble glared at the mad scientist.

"I'm going to find out how that man survived." he shot back coldly and disappeared.

Yamamoto dismissed the Captains moments later.

Byakuya caught up with the surprised Zaraki for a moment "You can have the one that Ichimaru failed to kill, the other one is mine."

The one-eyed freak nodded "If you fail again, he's free game." and disappeared. Yachiru joined him soon after. Zaraki obviously believed the blonde man had survived on sheer luck or because of Byakuya's incompetence. The one that had faced Gin was the stronger of the too in his mind. Byakuya doubted it but he wasn't going to tell Zaraki that.

Byakuya continued to move closer to his division's staging ground _'I don't know how you survived Ryoka but you won't again.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Back inside the cannon ball****…**

Uryu grimaced "We're going to crash!"

Yoruichi shouted "The only way to survive this is to pour in all the Reiatsu you've got."

They concentrated, complying with the cat's orders.

They slammed into the invisible shield around the Seireitei. Naruto grinned wildly, they were so close.

Yellow lightning flickered around them. Ichigo shouted something but it was lost in the cacophony of noise. They burst through in a flash of light and a loud bang.

They where through.

They continued to float. Ichigo voiced the obvious question "What's going on? We blasted through the shield but we're not falling to the ground. We're just floating here."

Yoruichi grimaced "Don't get separated. The cannon ball was destroyed by the shield but its residual energy will still hold us up until it dissolves."

Uryu spoke "What happens then?"

"It will coalesce into a whirlpool then explode and vanish. We must stay together because anyone whose separated will be blown away by the explosion."

Naruto grinned wickedly and Yoruichi noticed "NARUTO DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!"

"TOO LATE! SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS!" they where surrounded by blue energy, the whirlpool. Naruto allowed himself to be sucked away and blown outside of it.

"HAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaWAAaaAAaaAAaaAAaaAA!" he could hear their panicked shouting and Yoruichi's cursing.

"YOUR TOLD ME YOU WOULD FOLLOW MY ORDERS DAMMIT!"

She was right. He had said he would, but he hadn't promised he would so he could break his word and not feel guilty. Yoruichi had made him promise to her that he wouldn't die however.

Naruto slammed into and through a building. He jumped to his feet in the pile of rubble and looked up just in time to see the whirlpool explode and four different streams of fire land in areas a great distance from each other and himself.

He grinned "I'll see you guys later," he drew his swords and his grin turned downright maniacal.

"Let's rock this joint!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS****, CHAPTER FIVE.**

**I was a bit slow in coming back as I had no chance to get my computer into the shop what with work and all, but I got it in on Tuesday the 25****th**** and got it back the same day. Power had burnt itself out. All fixed, all done and this was completed on the Thursday the 27****th****. Now just gotta hand it over to Reid to make it fantastic as he usually has to deal with my atrocious grammar.**

**And deal with it, I did!**


	6. Chapter 6

**The Strawberry and the Fishcake**

**A.N.: Hey everyone,**

**First of all I'd like to thank all of you for your support. As I write this, it is December tenth and I am hoping I will get this out by Christmas as a thank you to all you guys and gals...and...Ugh (shudders) yaoi fangirls (subspecies of humanity: Homoerotica amorus) **

**Challenge:**

**I am finally issuing a challenge****. I admit I was reluctant due to there being no specific area of FF(dot)net that allows authors to issue challenges, but I have gotten fed up. I know quite well that I couldn't possibly write the crossover I have in mind, mostly because to support carefully hidden sociopathic tendencies, I have to have some form of violence in my fics that are generally as graphic and nasty as I can make it.**

**Now for the challenge: **

**I would like someone to write a Naruto/Aria crossover. I only have a few stipulations:**

**1) That only Naruto go there...initially and the toads are the ones who bring him there. **

**2) The pairing is up to you. Anyone writes slash and I'll...do something. Not sure what, but something...**

**3) And finally the reason he goes there must be to escape Akatsuki, like Jiriaya's final request or something.**

**How he meets up with the gang on Aqua is up to you. But I stress only people familiar with this beautiful series should write this fic and that after Naruto arrives in Aqua there should absolutely no violence except for comical purposes as Aria is not an action series. **

**Personal addendum****: 12:28a.m., 18****th**** of December Australian Time in Coastal NSW:**

**Just finished watching AVATAR......what can I say to all you folks out there who are planning to see it by the time this gets posted, those who have seen it, and those who don't want to see it. **

**For those who have seen AVATAR you know what I'm talking about. For those who plan to see it, I'm not gonna spoil anything. And for those who don't want to see it....you're idiots. AVATAR is the most awesome movie I have ever seen in my twenty one years on this planet. Its- its just utterly indescribable; the story; the visuals; the graphics and the environment are just beyond anything made before. You have to see it. Whether you go to the theatre or you wait till it comes out on DVD, it is a movie you have to see to believe.**

**Addendum: February 25, 2010, 9:37p.m., Australian time:**

**I'm twenty-****one now have been since February second, looking forward to getting into Uni (Was lazy and missed first semester) and almost finished this chapter. This is a request, I am getting seriously sick of writing XXXX(to infinite) as a page break could someone suggest something better?**

**Addendum March 4****th**** 2010 11:15 p.m. Australian time:**

**Finished it! Not sure if I'm happy with the ending, because it seemed a little rushed. But I'm okay, whippin' this bad boy off to the Editor's to be checked over and my horrifying grammar and spelling corrected. Just like to say to all my readers: thanks for both your support and sticking by the guy with the slowest damn muse in the world.**

-

**Editor's Addendum, March 16, 2010, 8:43 p.m., North American Eastern Standard Time:**

**I know I'm not supposed to add my own stuff in here, but I couldn't resist. If you do not feel up to Joe's challenge, please see my profile for your shot at an original crossover.**

**Dirty Reid**

-

Naruto grunted as he headed in a randomly chosen direction. He was currently heading straight towards a tall white tower. He prayed that he would run into someone soon.

-

The blonde Walker's fellow agents were in predicaments of their own. Ichigo and Ganju had run into two very strange members of the Eleventh division while Chad was avoiding detection by very diligent scouts.

Yoruichi had landed by herself and was searching for the others in her cat form.

Uryu and Orihime had landed in an area devoid of Shinigami.

-

Naruto strolled casually through the Seireitei. His hands were locked behind his head as he meandered aimlessly. He should have felt lucky as he could very well have been witnessing something as disturbing as Gai and Lee's Sunset Genjutsu, or as it was called in this world, Ikkaku's lucky dance.

Even if the words are confined to the mind though, Fate never misses someone tempting her.

Naruto halted abruptly, his mood going from curious to cold as almost a hundred battle-ready Shinigami stood before him. What was odd was that their backs were to him. He walked up to the one nearest him; a plain slightly flabby man with an average katana for a Zanpakuto.

"Hey man what's going on?" the man turned revealing a neatly trimmed goatee.

'You don't know?" Naruto shook his head, nonplussed.

"I was asleep," he answered. The man grumbled under his breath.

"Several Ryoka have invaded Soul Society. One landed near here and we're looking for him." he paused looking at Naruto again "Who are you again?"

"Oh I'm Naruto the Ryoka," the man nodded.

"Huh. Nice to meet you." he looked away and Naruto grinned as the man suddenly stiffened.

'Wait…what did you say?" he turned looking back at Naruto who merely grinned.

"IT'S HIM!" the Shinigami turned en masse.

"What's up?" one Shinigami who appeared to be African-American replied instantly.

"Not much bro," then paused, thought about what he said and glared at Naruto.

"GET HIM!" Naruto grinned and leaned back out of the way of the first blade to try and draw his blood. He drew his own weapons and retaliated, slashing the chest of two different Shinigami before diving into the bulk of them shoulders first, knocking several from their feet.

He was in amongst them. He knew he couldn't really kill them: that would just make it more likely that the higher Ranking Shinigami would use deadly force against his friends. He spun, slashing tendons and muscle groups, nothing that the 4th division couldn't heal but definitely taking out his victims from the fight.

He flowed between his enemies, no blade coming near him- thanks to two millennia of honing his shinobi abilities- and the few that did come close he deflected with his own blades. No one could touch him.

He was brought out of his slightly bored haze when his right hand blade met another with a clang. He stared at his opponent, and it was another average Shinigami who was shaking in fear at the moaning and bleeding trail of bodies behind him. Naruto sighed and simply clocked him on the head with the butt of his left blade and moved on.

He turned another corner and ducked avoiding a blade that would have taken off his head. Naruto grinned as he looked into the impassive eyes of Kuchiki Byakuya. Naruto had been spoiling for a proper fight against this pompous ass.

"Word up Taicho," Byakuya just stared at him, not acknowledging the greeting. _Far_ too much like Neji for comfort.

"How did you survive?" Naruto grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"To learn that, my feminine freak, you have to defeat me."

"Fine."

Naruto redrew his blades, deflecting Byakuya's first strike and swiping back with his offhand blade. Byakuya merely swayed out of the way. Several more blows flew over the matter of seconds until their blades locked. Naruto blades were crossed, blocking Byakuya from splitting his head in two. Naruto grinned into Byakuya's emotionless face before he reared back his head and slammed it into the unprepared Captain. he was rewarded with the satisfyingly loud crack of breaking cartilage as the Captain's nose shattered.

Byakuya, unprepared for such an unorthodox and basically barbaric move, staggered back, trying to clear his eyes which had watered as a natural response to the broken nose. Byakuya glared at the smirking Naruto, who had a few specks of blood on his face, none of it his own. Byakuya, had it not been beneath him would have growled out a curse. He merely glared and readied himself to end this foolish game.

"Scatter," He stared at Naruto as his blade began to disappear into countless blades. The blonde was smiling right before he winked out.

"Shunpo," whispered the Captain of the Sixth Division just as a blade slashed straight through where his own had been, gouging a deep long cut right across his torso. The wound was a nasty one, but it did not deter him. He momentarily forgot about his opponent's second blade as pain exploded in his stomach. He glared into the suddenly impassive blue eyes of his opponent, who had appeared in front of him as he withdrew his sword from Byakuya's stomach.

Byakuya was not a Captain for nothing. A quick Shunpo moved him away from his opponent. He gathered himself and swung his blade hilt at his approaching opponent's right arm. He however did not anticipate his opponent being similar to Kenpachi in constitution.

Byakuya's only working theory on how the boy had survived a stab to the heart was scientific. He simply thought that like one of the Shinigami under his command, the blonde was afflicted with Dextrocardia. Dextrocardia meant that the blonde's heart, instead of being situated in the left half of his thoracic cavity, was located in his right. Byakuya surmised that he had struck a nasty, but not immediately fatal blow.

He had never considered that he survived a stab to the heart simply because was unable to die from such a simple wound. So it was natural for the otherwise calm and collected captain to have his eyes widen in shock and surprise when the thousands of tiny blade fragments that made up his Zanpukuto's Shikai state shredded his opponents arm to no obvious effect other that his right blade being dropped.

Byakuya froze when blood drenched fingers slammed somewhere into the joint between his neck and shoulder and a burst of foreign Reiastu flooded into his system. His eyes widened when he collapsed, his body no longer willing to listen to his commands. He stared up at his opponent as his blade sealed itself and clattered to the ground next to him.

The blonde Ryoka rolled his shoulders and grinned. "Hmm, I didn't think that would work. Wasn't sure if introducing my own Reiastu straight into a pressure point would actually do anything. I sure wasn't expecting this." Byakuya had to agree as he couldn't even move his jaw to talk.

"It should wear off but if it doesn't I'll leave a note or something for them to find…Judging by the look in your eyes, you thought I was going to kill you huh? Well…I thought about it. I was damn curious as to why someone would do that to their own relation but I'll find out one day. Lesson of the day? Don't fuck with Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto could tell by the slight hints of frustration and anger in the fallen Shinigami's eyes that he would definitely seek down the blonde when he was healed.

"Well gotta go save your sis and stuff…I gotta have her around so I can take more pictures of her with Ichigo…y'know the dude with the orange hair?" Naruto grinned inwardly as Byakuya's eyes darkened in rage. This could possibly backfire with Ichigo's death, but he would make sure it wouldn't to the best of his abilities. Most likely Byakuya would question Rukia about it, horribly embarrassing the young girl. Just in case, he discreetly slipped a photo of the two in bed he had taken into Byakuya's clothes.

He quickly left a note in his own blood on the wall, flared his Reiastu and left. Within a minute, a small group of Shinigami arrived. The 4th division member of the multi- divisional squad sent off a message to his division's HQ and began wrapping the Captain's wounds. Within ten minutes Unohana Retsu had arrived on the scene. After momentarily studying the message written in dripping blood, which secretly she admired as a genuinely nice gesture, she started to heal Byakuya enough to be transported to the hospital in her Division. She would cure his paralysis later; she already had an idea on how to cure it but it wouldn't do for the stubborn Captain to run off with his wounds half healed. Unohana also found the temporarily paralysis fascinating, not as an attack technique of course, but something to restrain more difficult patients. She would question Byakuya on it if the source of the attack was killed by another Shinigami.

Unohana could only speculate that one of the Ryoka had gotten the drop on the Sixth Division captain in terms of abilities, most likely not overpowering him, simply neutralizing him by luck and underestimation of said abilities. As she readied the Captain for transport she sent off several hell butterflies to the various Captains, after learning from some of the other wounded Shinigami nearby that it was the blonde Ryoka who had done it.

She admired a man who had a sense of fair play and morals.

-

Soul Society was in an uproar. Every Captain save three were surprised to hear of Byakuya's defeat, the only ones not being Byakuya himself, Unohana because she already knew, and Kenpachi because he was so lost following Yachiru's directions that the Hell Butterfly sent to him died of old age before it reached him.

Captain Kaname Tosen of the Ninth Division was surprised when Shuhei Hisagi read out the contents of the message sent by Hell Butterfly. His lieutenant was still recovering from the stab to the stomach from the same individual. The future traitor idly wondered if the blonde man followed the same path he did, or was another beast like Kenpachi. He was also curious about Aizen's interest in the strange Ryoka.

Hitsugaya Toshiro of the Tenth Division frowned. This was unexpected, Byakuya being defeated. He didn't know if it was by power, sheer luck or whether the Captain of noble birth had been tricked. If the shortest Captain (ever) ran into the blonde Ryoka he would attack him with all he had just in case. He left his office.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri of the 12th division merely thought that if the blonde was captured he would make an excellent test subject.

The Captain of the Thirteenth Division, Ukitake Jushiro, merely blinked. "I wonder if he's one of them," he spoke softly, confusing the two who shared the third seat of his division, Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentaro, who worked together to compensate for the vacant Lieutenant position Kaien Shiba had left many years ago. He exited the meeting and the officers followed suit.

Captain Kyoraku Shunsui of the Eighth Division did nothing as he relaxed on a hillside near his division quarters "Looks like Yama-Jii was right," he knew that Yamamoto had spoken quietly to both himself and Jushiro about the possibility that the strange blonde Ryoka was one of…. them. He blinked in resignation as he left the hillside behind.

The massive captain of the Seventh Division, Komamura Sajin, grumbled behind his helmet. Something strange hung in the air. He glanced once more at the Hell Butterfly and was gone within a blink.

Sosuke Aizen's perpetual smile never left his face. If he could get the blonde to join his side, his plans would work so much better. If not, he would need to be removed before he became a problem.

Ichimaru Gin merely smiled like a Fox…or a snake, depending on who you asked "I _knew _he was different," he stated to nobody.

Soi-Fon merely gazed at her juggernaut of a Lieutenant, who was stuttering and mumbling about how it was impossible that Byakuya had lost to a Ryoka. Soi-Fon thought about it and made a simple logical conclusion; the Kuchiki had severely underestimated his opponent and would not do so the next time they fought. Though it was puzzling why he had been left alive, along with the rest of the downed Shinigami. Killing a captain would have been a severe blow against Soul Society.

Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai let out a rattling exhale in his office as he took a final sip of tea. He set his cup down, picking up his walking stick and walked out of his office.

-

With silence only possible through millennia of training, Naruto moved towards his location. As he rounded a corner, he jarred to a stop, eyeing the Shinigami in front of him with calculated curiosity.

"I have heard you described, so I know who you are." his opponent did not respond.

"I didn't expect to face another Captain so soon, let alone you of all of them. Urahara had a great deal to say about you." Still no response. Naruto grinned.

"You wouldn't bother facing me yourself even though I did defeat what's-his-name so that can only mean one other thing." An eyebrow arched.

"You know what I am." He finished.

"I do indeed, Walker of Worlds." spoke the Commander General of the Gotei 13 Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai. "Stuff of myths, and yet I've met two of your kind before."

"Do the other Captains know?" Yamamoto shook his ancient head.

"No. Only Jushiro, Shunsui and myself know about your kind. Unohana was within their presence but never knew they were different." Naruto frowned

"Why are you telling me this?" Yamamoto smiled slightly

"I held great respect for those two and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt…but may I ask why you sided with the Ryoka?"

"Rukia is my friend." Yamamoto nodded as if that explained everything.

"Walkers, always willing to go to war with the world for their friends… I admire that."

"Thank you… I must say I'm practically shivering with excitement here. I mean, you of all people coming out to face _me_…this is just- just…fucking fantastic! It's great…so umm…shall we dance?"

"Yes" came the slightly disappointed reply.

"Cool …umm, you wanna start off with normal Zanpukuto or you wanna bring out the big guns?" Yamamoto blinked

"You have attained Shikai? I must say, even knowing what you are that's a little astonishing…and yes, Shikai seems appropriate." Naruto nodded as he glanced around for a fleeting moment, searching for anything that could be used to decide who went first.

Yamamoto, to Naruto's surprise, held out his closed fist. Naruto nodded and spoke "Saisho wa gū!"

Yamamoto and Naruto pumped their fists once in mid air and began to chant "Jan,"

"Ken,"

"Pon!"

Naruto smiled. "You first Yamamoto-san,"

Yamamoto nodded and the cane in his hands morphed into a katana with a dark red handle and a circular guard.

"Ryujin Jakka banshō issai kaijin to nase!" the blade was suddenly engulfed in a swath of flames, accompanied by the illusion that Yamamoto was similarly engulfed.

He shrugged off the crushing spiritual pressure that Yamamoto was releasing with nary a hint of effort. He smiled and drew his own blades crossing them in front of him.

"Born in the fires of creation, flying in the winds of time. Soar to the heavens to descend and scorch the earth clean of life. King of Dragons; **FIGHT BAHUMAT!!"**

Yamamoto was surprised to see the two blades engulfed in flames, blocking their wielder from sight. When the fireball cleared, Naruto was in an odd stance, legs spread wide like a sumo wrestler would stand and his torso was held low. His left arm was held out in from of him, palm up, fingers curled in a 'come on' gesture. A gigantic Zanpukuto rested on his shoulders, the hilt being held loosely in his right hand.

"Hmm interesting…two blades become one. And a fire type as well," Naruto grinned.

"Wind and fire, actually." Yamamoto's eyebrows arched slightly before he nodded at Naruto.

"Ready?" Yamamoto nodded

"Say hello to my little friend!" Naruto roared as he launched himself at the most powerful Captain in the Seireitei.

-

Across the Seireitei, all action ground to a halt. The captains barely remained on their feet as the surge of a two huge spiritual pressures crashed down on them. One utterly crushing, the accompanying paralleling level of a new captain, but was slowly getting larger. There was no one in the immediate vicinity of the two, so collapse was not immediate; panic set in amongst the lower ranks. Seated officers, though beleaguered by fear, restored order and looked to their captains for direction. Realizing who was actually fighting, the captains looked to each other to confirm what was going on until an order came through. The order, sent previously by Commander General Yamamoto, told them to not interfere.

The invaders received no such calming news. Uryu, already pale, became as white as chalk. He hadn't been prepared for such an utterly crushing feeling. Judging by Orihime, shivering and supine at his feet, she hadn't been either. He had thought he was prepared, but if this was the kind of thing he could expect from a Captain, he felt ready to begin doubting his survival.

Chad merely glanced at the distant glow, his face neutral. "Don't die Naruto… I'll miss your jokes," he said softly.

Ichigo wiped the cold sweat from his brow then kicked Ganju "Come on Scaredy-Cat!" he snapped. Ganju cursed him and moved to follow.

Yoruichi was shaking in both rage and terrible fear. She recognized both Naruto's and Yamamoto's Reiatsu signatures. Only one possibility came to her: Yamamoto must know that Naruto was a traveler from a distant world. Yoruichi almost…_almost_ flew into a blind panic and would have transformed into her human body and used her Shunpo mastery to get to the fight and get Naruto away before she remembered Naruto's words.

He had neatly avoided promising to follow her orders but he had promise that he wouldn't die. Knowing Naruto always kept his promises eased her nerves. Not by much though.

-

Naruto grunted as the flames from his opponent's Shikai licked at his arms, leaving mild burns that were gone almost as quickly as they had been administered. They had exchanged numerous blows, yet Yamamoto had yet to be hurt, only letting out the odd grunt of strain under Naruto's devastatingly strong swords strikes. Naruto had been burned and sliced several times not because of lack of ability with a blade, but because of inexperience with wielding a Zanpukuto and the particular sword style that the Shinigami use of which Yamamoto was a master.

"Kagirinai no Hisho!" he shouted as he once again swung his blade at Yamamoto. Unlike the Hollows he had used it on before, Yamamoto was simple too strong to be lifted up and sliced to pieces. He was though, put slightly off balance by the strong wind and dozens of small rends appeared in his clothes.

Yamamoto grunted and stepped back he discarded his haori and the top half of his uniform revealing a scarred and slightly wrinkled but none the less impressive physique. Naruto paused letting out a low whistle.

"You sure keep yourself in shape Yamamoto-san," Yamamoto nodded at the compliment but sighed inwardly.

"No doubt this has already caused a panic amongst the Divisions. I must end this quickly." Naruto exhaled in exasperation.

"Ok I get were you're coming from..." he shook his head resignedly "Let's go."

Naruto charged and swung his blade. "Ryuubi!!" A massive geyser of flame extended out from Naruto's huge weapon and snapped at Yamamoto like a whip. The elder Shinigami Shunpo'd to safety, appearing behind Naruto who about-faced too late.

"Nadegiri!" he spoke aloud as he swung his flame covered weapon in a sideways sweep even though he was several feet from Naruto. A large writhing flame arced out from Yamamoto's blade and sliced into Naruto, who grunted in pain as the searing flame not only severely burned his entire body, but cut him in half.

Yamamoto sighed and sealed his blade. Naruto's spiritual pressure had dropped sharply, but had remained high enough to prove he wasn't dead to those sensitive to these things. Yamamoto knew something was afoot, as they had fought they had also talked to each other. Naruto had introduced himself and revealed his actual age. Yamamoto had been pleased to find someone close to his own age even though he was still quite a bit older that the young Walker.

Yamamoto knew that this win had been too easy. A blow like that wouldn't put down a universe-jumping demigod for long. Naruto had to be playing dead, but for what reason? Yamamoto did not know, but he would find out.

He signaled for the 4th division and wasn't surprised when Unohana appeared within moments. He was quietly thankful that he had moved the two pieces Naruto had been cut into back together so it appeared that he had been only had extremely bad burns and had almost been cut in half, not that he had been cut in half and burnt to a crisp.

'This one is extremely dangerous Retsu-chan. No one but you must attend to him." Unohana nodded. The man was clearly very serious

-

The Seireitei calmed. The intruder who had defeated Kuchiki Byakuya and attacked Yamamoto had been captured. While the group Naruto had entered with didn't suspect that he had been gravely injured, two of them were glad for another reason.

Chad was happy that Naruto was still alive. Yoruichi was happy Naruto had been taken alive by the insanely strong captain even if she did suspect Naruto had let himself be captured.

The rest of the Shinigami and Ryoka were just happy the pressure had faded.

-

Deep intense blue eyes snapped open to stare into eyes that were a nice navy colour.

"You have a most remarkable regeneration speed Ryoka-san, and the paralysis technique you used on Byakuya is fascinating. I would hope you would discuss it with me so I may implement it in medicinal ways."

Naruto blinked then grinned slightly his eyes flickering over the voluptuous form well hidden behind the Shihakusho and the captain's haori.

"Uzumaki Naruto, and you must be Unohana Retsu, correct?"

"Indeed,"

"Please call me Naruto, formalities leave a bad taste in my mouth. Anyways, you wanted to know about that technique?"

"Yes. It would help with restraining difficult patients as well as…" Unohana trailed off as Naruto laughed.

"That's what it was invented for." Unohana raised an elegant eyebrow on her beautiful face in curiosity.

"My grandmother was my home's greatest healer and she specifically invented that just for me…I had a habit of slipping out of the hospital way before my release date."

Unohana favored the injured man- well, at least she thought he was injured- with a small amused smile.

"Well Naruto-san, you will not be escaping this hospital so easily. I am the only one allowed access to your room and my Lieutenant is outside this room and will only open the door at my voice. On top of that, you are tied down with Reiastu sealing restraints, so it seems you will be under my care for the near future."

Naruto's smile faded. "I am sorry Retsu-chan,"

Unohana blinked both at the familiar form of address and the apology. "For what?"

"This!"

Naruto surged up out of the bed, his lips slamming into Unohana's own making the Healer freeze, only realizing her mistake when fingers rested on a pressure point between her shoulder and neck.

Her body went limp and inwardly the serene but powerful woman seethed at such a rookie mistake. She would have her revenge; the Ryoka would not get far with his wounds even if he got out of the room

"I must apologize again Retsu-chan, as I must take a small liberty with your body." She glared at him as he straightened her from her slightly bent over position, just out of the corner of her eye she could see the various straps holding him down had been untied and the Reiastu draining cuffs broken apart. He quickly removed her haori and placed her in the bed, strapping her down and covering her with the blankets as he replaced the cuffs around her ankles and wrists.

Naruto stared into her flaring eyes with a smirk before looking down at his own person. He was dressed in only boxers and bandages. He ripped off the bandages and by sheer chance, glanced over into Unohana's wide amazement filled eyes.

Unohana stared at the utterly unblemished body standing near her. Wounds that even if healed at a massively advanced pace should have left scars, bruising, some sort of sign. He had healed in a few hours wounds that would have been fatal to most.

Very troubling ideas were blooming in her mind. What if the Ryoka allowed himself to lose? Well, lose that quickly, simply because it was the most prudent means to achieve his goals, whatever they may be. His wounds contradicted this idea, but what if he had a superb control over his own body and allowed his healing factor to remain dormant? Feigning injury until he was placed alone in this room then healed in a matter of minutes, or even seconds, wounds that would take several weeks for even a captain to heal from.

"Now I know what you're thinking: '_Naruto_ can't get out of this room,' well let me show you a little trick."

Unohana became greatly intrigued when she found herself staring at someone who looked identical to her, down to the last iota.

"Open the door please," 'Unohana' said in a voice that even sounded like the original. The door cracked open and Naruto smiled softly at the person on the other side who was obviously her own lieutenant. If only Isane would step into the room or even peer at the bound form which was obviously that of a woman's.

"Ah, I believe Ryoka-san here should have some clothes on hand. He is healing quite nicely and should be able to be transferred to a holding cell sometime tomorrow. Would you mind fetching a Shihakusho for me? I will wait here for your return." Naruto requested in her own voice.

"Right away Taicho," Isane affirmed as she closed the door. Unohana would have groaned if she could vocalize anything.

Naruto merely stood in her form, rocking back and forth on his heels and humming quietly to himself for a few minutes. Soon enough, there was a knock on the door.

"I have the clothes Taicho!" Lieutenant Kotetsu Isane called

"Ah yes. Please come in and place them by the door." Isane stepped in and quietly closed the door behind her, then stilled. She stared at Unohana, bound and unmoving in the bed then the Unohana grinning madly standing next to the door.

"What the..." she managed to get out before a hand slammed into her neck and she dropped like a stone.

"Don't worry, she'll be up and at em' in a little bit." Naruto quickly stripped and wasn't surprised when Unohana didn't blush. She have most likely stripped him herself to apply bandages so she had seen it before. Naruto dressed then walked over to Unohana, pecked her lightly on the forehead and received a confused glance.

"Ta-ta Retsu-chan," and then he was gone.

Unohana sighed as she cursed herself for making the mistake of thinking she could be in control every time she had an invader in her ward.

-

Naruto had already found his Zanpukuto under lock and key in what was obviously Unohana's office, while the office itself was not locked. A strong kick had done it for the locked chest that held his weapons. With them retrieved he was gone, racing across the roofs of the Seireitei when he came across a sight that made him stop dead then lie prone on the roof tiles. A sword was impaled into a blank wall but a group of people standing in the courtyard some distance below stared up at it in horror.

A woman screamed.

He peered over the edge. The gathering of people was staring at a sword impaled into a wall and nothing else. He frowned when one of them a small woman staggered forward and fell to her knees screaming.

This place was screwy.

He backed away and dropped down the side of the building, disappearing from sight and ignorant of what had actually transpired in the courtyard or how it would ultimately affect the future.

-

While repercussions of Aizen's apparent murder were echoing throughout the Shinigami ranks, other important events were happening across the Soul Society.

Ichigo, having defeated and fought Madarame Ikkaku, had moved on. Ganju, having acquired Yamada Hanataro as a hostage/ally had faced down and defeated Abarai Renji who this time was at full power unlike their previous confrontation on earth. Ichigo was now facing, much to his friends' horror, one of the strongest Captains of the Seireitei: Zaraki Kenpachi of the 11th division.

Chad had smashed his way through a good portion of the 8th division forces but was defeated quickly and without grievous injury by Kyoraku Shunsui, Taicho of the 8th. Who ironically, was being sent to the prison section of the hospital from which Naruto had just escaped.

In testament to his luck, bad as it may be, Naruto had run headlong into another confrontation.

-

Naruto was running down another of the seemingly endless identical pathways that made up the home of the Shinigami when he sensed something and slowed to a stop.

He drew his blades just in time to deflect a Kusari-gama-like weapon that was aimed for his head. Naruto jumped, tucking into a tight spin to dodge several more swings from the weapons, two identical blades attached by a chain. He landed in a crouch bringing up his blades to stare at his opponent.

"We meet again Ryoka"

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Hisagi Shuhei face faulted hard. He surged to his feet quickly growling.

"You stabbed me, dipshit," Naruto shrugged.

"I stab a lot of people. You and that other dude ain't much more than two extra faces on a long list." Hisagi gritted his teeth in anger at the blatant disrespect this Ryoka was showing everyone.

"I don't know what trick you pulled on Byakuya-Taicho to defeat him, but it won't work on me." with a growl, Shuhei leapt forward, using his odd Zanpakuto to full effect. Naruto grinned people who used Kusari-gama as weapons were generally dangerous to a person with a normal sword, what with the ability to strike from a distance and to entangle the opponent being key. Therefore people who actually knew how to use one were several times more dangerous, just like this guy. Their weakness was relatively simple: Get close to them, or get them close to you… actually, doing that was kind of tricky.

Naruto grinned as the lieutenant, in a extremely rapid movement, entangled most of his right arm and his Zanpakuto in said hand with a simple deceptive movement. He deliberately made an ineffectual swipe at the chain with his other sword ignoring how the blade of the Kusari-gama wrapped around his arm and pierced the flesh of his shoulder. Shuhei then made his mistake. He shifted his weight slightly; no doubt in preparation for another attack but it was just what Naruto needed.

Shuhei had believed for a moment that due to preparation, foreknowledge, surprise and a little luck, he'd caught his opponent. That all changed as his eyes widened in alarm, then finally bulging in pain before he lost consciousness. His opponent dropped the weapon in his trapped arm and kicked the butt, sending the Zanpakuto whipping through the air to embed itself into the Shinigami's thigh. An abrupt yank of strength comparable to a captain's pulled him off his feet and face first into a very hard fist.

Naruto smirked to himself slightly as he picked up the Zanpakuto he dropped to punch the surprised lieutenant, and calmly removed his sword from the man's thigh. As an afterthought, he tore off part of the unconscious Shuhei's uniform to bandage the wound.

He was walking away when a strange high pitched noise sprung up from nowhere. It didn't seem to be an attack until it cut off. A hushed whisper and the unmistakable shuffle of sandaled feet came from behind him. He whirled coming face to face with a man who appeared to be of African descent who was in captain's uniform. He wore some kind of visor over his face. Naruto immediately recognized the blind man by the description given to him by Urahara.

"Kaname To..." he looked up in time to see hundreds of metal blades inches from penetrating his body.

-

Kaname Tosen deflated as his attack killed the Ryoka. Aizen-sama would not be happy that he had killed the mysterious Shinigami, but Tosen couldn't allow a man like that to live. He could not let Soul Society generate another unstoppable demon like Kenpachi. He stared with sightless eyes at the place his attack landed for a moment before sheathing his sword. He made to turn when he felt an unnatural movement of air brush across his skin. He inhaled and made to draw his sword. Agony cut a path across his torso as he was slashed before pain erupted in his stomach as he was run through with another blade. Tosen gagged. This was impossible! How had he dodged it? He fell to the ground his hand dropping limply from the hilt of his sheathed blade when a voice whispered in his ear.

"It takes a man to kill a monster boy," before he blacked out he realized he must have spoken aloud while musing about his attack. Before he blacked out he could hear the Ryoka walking away whistling a merry but strange tune. Yep, definitely another Zaraki. Those words… what did he mean by that? Did Tosen need to find some inner resolve before he could defeat a being like that? Yes, that was probably what he meant. Kaname Tosen passed peacefully into unconsciousness moments before a squad from the 4th arrived to see him treated.

-

Naruto was en route to the last place he'd felt Ichigo be when he saw a tall, lithe curvy and very, _very_ naked figure rushing across rooftops carrying an unconscious Ichigo on one shoulder. He Shunpo'd next to her where she promptly tossed Ichigo to him and reverted to her feline analog.

"What happened to him?" the cat woman replied tersely, either angry at Ichigo or at him. Probably both.

"He fought two high powered Shinigami, one of them a lieutenant and won before fighting to a draw with Kenpachi. Where the hell have you been!?" she demanded angrily.

"Fought a bunch of weak guys, managed to get the drop on that Byakuya guy, he underestimated me, fought Yamamoto and let him beat me. Escaped from a hospital run by a total babe, saw some weird event thing and severely wounded the Blind Captain and his lieutenant." he heard Yoruichi chuckling to herself as they rapidly approached a cliff. They both scaled it with ease, happening upon a hidden door. Naruto had heard about the place, so if he was ever seeking asylum, he could hide but he never expected it to be so remote.

Yoruichi changed back to human form and with Naruto, who for once was showing actual seriousness by ignoring her nakedness to help save Ichigo's life. When they got the boy stabilized and resting comfortably, Naruto sat against the door with Yoruichi back in her cat form, curled up in his lap and purring as he stroked her ears. He dozed off as he waited for Ichigo to wake.

-

The feeling of Yoruichi jumping off his lap woke him up. Naruto cracked an eye to see Ichigo had finally rose from his near-comatose slumber.

"Ah you're finally up." murmured Yoruichi, alerting the injured boy to their presence.

"Yoruichi, Naruto… you guys saved my life, didn't you?" Yoruichi snorted.

"I saved your life. This fool only turned up later on when we were almost here, and you survived because of your strong life force. Without that, you never would have survived such serious wounds no matter what I did" Ichigo blinked.

"Wounds?" his eyes glazed over as he obviously recalled his fight with Kenpachi "that's right in… I actually thought he killed me for a second there." he muttered before becoming pale.

"OH NO!" he shouted suddenly sitting up making Yoruichi let off a strange yelp that sounded as if it didn't know whether to be male or female.

"Dammit" Ichigo swore before grunting in pain, grasping his bandaged belly.

"Don't move you dolt! You'll just open up those wounds. Don't you realize how badly you got hurt?" Naruto remained silent, enjoying watching Ichigo making an idiot of himself. Ichigo ignored the warning, tossing his sheets off and attempted to get up.

"I gotta go help Chad, I think he's in danger." Ichigo let out another exclamation of pain when Yoruichi pounced on his face, knocking him flat on his back.

"Chad is okay, just relax." Yoruichi jumped off as Ichigo took an ineffective swipe at her. "Orihime and Uryu are fine too," Ichigo glanced over at Yoruichi, obviously expecting an explanation.

"Chad was lucky to fight who he did. He left him wounded but alive. Uryu and Orihime have avoided confrontation and so far haven't suffered a scratch. Naruto caused even more trouble than you, taking down almost an entire division, fighting three captains while severely wounding two of them, as well as a Lieutenant and managed to escape after being captured."

"That's good," Ichigo admitted as he finally relaxed. _'World-hopping sunuvabitch! Stop making me look bad!'_

"So you just _stay here_ behind the barrier and rest." Ichigo murmured an agreement to Yoruichi's orders.

"Half your organs were crushed after all, if it hadn't been for this thing." she said pushing up a broken mask that looked similar to that of a Hollow. "You would have been sliced in half. Fortunately for you, it seems to have absorbed most of the impact." she manipulated the mask around a bit with her paws before she leveraged it up to fully show it to Ichigo. Ichigo stared at for a moment.

"That thing was _on_ me?" Ichigo went on to explain how he had apparently lost it when a guy named Hanataro had thrown it away, thinking it was evil. After a small argument, Ichigo gave up the mask to a wary Yoruichi who moved it into a corner of the room.

"Well you're certainly are strong. That's very surprising." Yoruichi looked curious.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well you said you were almost here when Naruto showed up, so you must have carried me all that way despite being so small." Ichigo explained, looking rather confused at Yoruichi's lack of understanding.

"Oh! Lifting things is no problem for me once I revert to my original form" Naruto hid a smirk he knew what was coming.

"Ah right, original form, I forgot" muttered Ichigo before he blinked. "Wait a sec, what did I just say? Original form?" he repeated.

"I've never shown you and your friends my original form. Having come this far, there's no reason to keep it hidden anymore." Ichigo just blinked in confusion as Yoruichi backed up a small distance.

"Behold the most awesome, smexy and bad-ass Shihoin Yoruichi!" Yoruichi proclaimed, half joking, half serious. She began to glow as smoke emanated from her paws. She rose slowly, her form obscured by the smoke before finally appearing solidly and clearly in the form Naruto knew and loved (almost on a daily basis). Ichigo started, his jaw hanging. slack as he tried to pronounce something. He awkwardly pointed at Yoruichi still unable to move words from his brain to his vocal cords.

"Y-You're a girl?" Yoruichi smirked.

"I get that a lot. I guess most people assume I'm a man because of the voice I use as a cat." She stalked forward with a sultry sway to her hips.

"No matter how many times I do this, it's always fun to see the reaction I get. Though honestly, I expected someone like you to handle it a bit better."

"I thought you were a cat!" Ichigo mumbled and Yoruichi's smirk changed to a grin.

"Cat's don't talk Ichigo. Put some thought into it." Ichigo hung his head in shame, but it snapped up when Naruto, rolling his eyes, drawled out.

"Dumbass,"

"_Anyway_," Yoruichi placed emphasis on the word, drawing attention away from the conflict that would imminently erupt, "that's enough surprises for now."

Ichigo's eyes stayed on her face for a total of three seconds before drifting down to her chest which was just below his eyes as she crouched. Naruto couldn't blame him; she had a nice chest. Yoruichi began to explain how she got him there when Ichigo turned a bright glowing red.

"GAAH!! WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!?"

A few minutes later, Yoruichi was getting dressed.

"Oh right, sorry about that." Ichigo, who had turned his back on her glared at Naruto who was calmly watching Yoruichi dress.

"Look away you lech!" he snapped. Naruto blinked

"Why? Yoruichi is the girlfriend I've been telling you about all this time." He was about to scream at Naruto for not revealing this before when Yoruichi interrupted.

"I'm surprised Ichigo, you're more innocent than any hard-ass should be. Is this the first time you've seen a girl naked?" Ichigo blushed and crossed his arms, hunching over like a petulant child denied a toy.

"Never mind," he grumbled.

"Do you want another look? Life is short and you might not get a chance to see a hottie like me again!" Ichigo turned to glare at her, not realizing she had lifted up the shirt she'd slipped on while speaking.

"STOP TEMPTING ME!" He shouted before blushing and turning away when he saw her state of dress. Yoruichi sighed looking over at Naruto who just never stopped looking amused.

"Naruto wasn't kidding when he said you didn't have a sense of humor. You really should take it easy or you're going to end up with an ulcer or something." Ichigo grunted and then bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT SOME PANTS ON?!" Byakuya's spiritual pressure became detectable shortly thereafter. Ichigo, ignoring his wounds, stole Yoruichi's device for flight and rushed out the door.

"MOTHER. _FUCKER_!" Yoruichi swore as he took off.

"Naruto, you know how to find the training ground?"

"Yep,"

"Good, go there. I'll grab Ichigo and bring him there later. You make sure there's no one around to spot us." Naruto rushed off without preamble. He encountered no resistance; what with the Reiatsu boiling out from the prison where Rukia was had drawn all the Shinigami away from the hidden training ground.

Roughly ten had passed when a clearly fatigued Yoruichi arrived with an unconscious Ichigo draped over her shoulder.

"Stupid boy tried to fight Byakuya in his condition, and it appears he healed from the wounds you inflicted on him earlier." Ichigo drew in a breath as he awoke and grabbed Yoruichi by her collar. He started to question her when a blade came to rest against his neck. The cat woman smiled

"Relax baby, Ichigo just wanted to know why I knocked him out." the blade was withdrawn and Naruto grunted in a reluctant acknowledgment. Ichigo sensing the danger had passed once again turned his wrath upon Yoruichi.

"Damn you! Why did you take only me and not the others? I was the only one who had a chance of surviving back there and now the others will be killed because of you!" Ichigo rambled furiously. Yoruichi remained calm and unmoved.

"Don't be so vain. None of you, except probably Naruto, could have survived against Byakuya, and not even he could have prevailed against both of the Captains there."

"I could too," Naruto pouted, only to pale slightly when Yoruichi glared at him, and it wasn't the usual 'Feminine glare of doom', or the 'It's the couch for you tonight' glare. Oh no, it was the dreaded 'I'll have your cock and not in a good way' glare. He quickly silenced himself.

Ichigo looked like he was going to strike her but with a simple push she flipped him onto his back.

"Stop thrashing around! Do you want to open up those wounds again?"

"Dumbass," Naruto drawled again

"Why don't you both go fuck yourselves?" Naruto's face lit up like a Christmas tree as he slipped an arm around Yoruichi's waist

"Good idea!" and started to pull her away only to receive an elbow to the gut and a mischievous smile that clearly said 'Later'.

"Why didn't you take any of the others or at least Rukia?"

"I could only carry one at a time. Besides, out of everyone, only you and Naruto could defeat Byakuya, and even then, that may be giving you too much credit. I'm going to help train you both, so you can defeat him and Naruto can face of against some of the others. They'll all be fine, Captain Ukitake was there. He's Byakuya's superior and a good man. Even with Ganju being and invader and Hanataro a traitor, he wouldn't kill them simply for trying to save Rukia's life."

"I'll train you to take on Byakuya and save everyone with your own hands." Ichigo slowly rose to his feet and gave Yoruichi a long hard stare.

"Lets do this" Yoruichi grinned and took a few steps back and with a short hop was standing on a large rock. It was the first time Ichigo noticed that he was standing in a large enclosed room much like the one under Urahara's shop.

Yoruichi went on to explain to Ichigo- as Naruto already knew this information as he had been trying to achieve Bankai for a while- about the second and final level of a Zanpakuto's abilities. She also explained how all of the captains save one could do this. As she talked about Kenpachi, Naruto hid a grin. He'd have to fight that guy sometime.

Yoruichi went on to explain about the spirit transfer dolls and how they could help achieve Bankai. She gave Naruto one and told him to go to the other end of the training room while she supervised Ichigo's attempts.

Naruto walked a fair distance away before stabbing both Zanpakuto into the life sized doll. With a flash of flame and a burst of wind, both aspects of Bahumat- the large oriental dragon and the man in armour- appeared.

"**You wish to achieve Bankai." **they stated in unison.

"Yeah. I was told I would have to beat you?" the twin-bodied soul-sharing being looked entirely too amused.

"**That would be pointless. We both know everything you do, and with our boundless energies we would simply destroy each other in endless battle. No, you need to make a realisation; a dark knowledge you already know but refuse to admit. This knowledge could very well break you and turn you into a monster no one in this world could possibly defeat. Or it could galvanise you and change you into the god you need to be to survive the trials that will come in your life." **

"What is this knowledge?"

"**You already know it, you have just not realised it yet. If you never realise it****, you will die here. I will ensure to destroy you. I cannot in good conscious allow an insane Walker to be unleashed upon this world. Think to your past, to your present and your future and you will realise the truth."**

Naruto hated this cryptic bullshit but he sat down with a sigh while the Zanpakuto just continued to calmly watch him.

Could it be his status as a Walker of Worlds? But what did that have to do with it? Just because back home in times of peace he felt a little restless unless training, sparring or in the presence of loved ones, he could live a life of peace for all eternity if he wanted too. No, that sounded boring. It sounded weak and disgusting, but where was this coming from? He had strived for peace between his home nations as a child and had finally achieved it through war. War: A dirty, disgusting business that he completely and utterly...enjoyed?

He enjoyed the rush of battle; of surviving; of defeating opponents. He felt alive on a battlefield. He had slowly gotten stronger over the years in spite long stretches of stagnancy. He had gotten faster, he picked up new fighting styles, weapons and jutsu with a speed a Sharingan user would be envious of.

This didn't make any sense. He was good at war, at every aspect of it. He was at home in battle, but what did that make him? A fiend? A monster? Maybe, maybe it made him someone who lived for war. Someone who couldn't truly exist without conflict, without fighting for his life. Whether that placed him with anything from the depths of Hell was debatable.

Did that mean he was going to spend the rest of eternity, or however long he lived, travelling from world to world and fighting countless battles and wars either alone or alongside friends and loved ones? A life lived making and ending war? An eternity of battle against an endless horde of powerful foes...sounded like fun.

He had long ago accepted that it was quite possible he would outlive Yoruichi and whoever else he fell for while in this world. He had accepted that possibility the first time he had been cut in half and simply rejoined.

An eternity of war, of death, pain and suffering. He refused to let that beat him. He'd face eternity head on, head held high and swords in hand until his final breath. Naruto smiled and was shaken from his thoughts by a gauntleted hand upon his shoulder.

"**That was the hard part. **** The realisation that you will not know peace until the day you die could have driven you mad. The easy trial is now,"**

"What's that?"

"**Don't die****," **With the speed of greased lightning, the armoured spectre drew his blades and rammed them through Naruto's heart and stomach.

Yoruichi watched as Ichigo crawled into the hot spring and was about to go looking for Naruto, as all she had felt of him in the last day had been a single large spike of Reiastu and then nothing. She was about to take off when something changed.

She couldn't tell what, but some sort of pressure buffeted her from all sides like a particularly fierce wind. Ichigo was clearly feeling it to as he looked around in a panic. The ground started to shake… hell, _everything_ was shaking! The ground, her, the walls, the roof, even the very air itself vibrated.

She saw Ichigo mouth something to her. It looked like he was yelling but no sound was coming out of his mouth. That's when it hit her: This wasn't spiritual pressure it was a _sound_.

Then she began to hear it as she focused, listening for whatever was causing this phenomenon. It was one long impossibly loud note.

It was a voice, but not that of a human.

It was a roar.

It ended almost as fast as it started, leaving an almost deafening silence and the ground still suffering from tremors.

Ichigo quickly whipped on his clothes and rushed after Yoruichi. They arrived to find the air smelling faintly of smoke and flame. What was once the ground was now a convex pane of jagged glass. Naruto lay supine in a huge crater. His blades were stabbed into the ground on either side of his head. Ichigo hurried down the false window, Yoruichi hot on his trail.

The golden-eyed woman grabbed at Naruto's head with her hands, gently stroking his cheeks and calling his name. When no response came, Yoruichi looked as though she was about to start crying. As her eyes burned and her first tear threatened to fall, her blonde lover snorted. For a moment Ichigo thought Naruto was laughing at them when he snuffled slightly under his breath and rubbed his face against Yoruichi's palm. Ichigo noted that Yoruichi, while holding it back before, had started to cry. The woman who he had only experienced as either a playful tease or a harsh task master seemed strangely vulnerable as she gazed down on the blonde haired man. She smiled and kissed his forehead and gestured for Ichigo to help her move him to the hot spring. After a momentary bit of confusion caused by leaving without his Zanpakuto they had him back to the sleeping bags where he was snoring softly under the watchful gaze of his lover, Ichigo was dutifully a good distance away resting behind a rock. He would have been closer had Yoruichi not stripped Naruto to the waist, stripped herself and slipped the both into the one sleeping bag.

-

When Naruto woke, it was with an insane smile on his face. He had seen his Bankai; he had felt its power and knew that in single combat it was utterly useless. He was better of using his Shikai and his natural abilities. He would keep it as a trump card, not even telling Yoruichi....well, he'd probably cave on that one if she withheld something like sex or maybe those pancakes she sometimes made. He could _really_ use one of them right now.

He sat up and looked around. He saw only Yoruichi's head as she obviously watched over her 'Padawan' training and he could feel someone else's receding Reiatsu off to the left. He got up and ambled over to Yoruichi after getting dressed.

"Who's the other guy?" Yoruichi didn't even blink.

"Renji. He's achieved Bankai so he's going off somewhere. He's on our side now, trying to rescue Rukia." Naruto grunted and decided what he was going to do until the time to stop the execution. He would train, it was that simple.

-

Ichigo was running from Zangetsu, looking for both a new blade and a position to attack from when he came to a dead stop. He sensed more than saw Zangetsu stop. He could almost feel his Zanpakuto's shock at what he was seeing. He presumed Naruto was training, but his method was insane. Naruto had apparently rammed a long wooden pole into the single biggest boulder he could find. If Ichigo could guess, it would weigh a couple of tons. Using the pole as a hilt, he was going through a kata using the boulder in place of his sword.

Naruto paused, looking confusedly at them.

"What?" then he blinked and smiled. "Oh right, time to double up!" he said cheerfully and seemed to pull an identical boulder on a pole out of no where and use both of them.

"Is he…?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes... an interesting training method." replied his weapon's avatar. Yoruichi appeared at their side.

"So _that's_ what he was doing with those boulders. Hmm… he's probably a bit bored. They're not as heavy as the weights Urahara made for him back home. He's probably doing that thing he invented."

"Thing he invented?" asked Ichigo naturally curious.

"Yeah he invented this training style. It takes a huge amount of both control over your own body and sheer concentration to keep it up. Basically he's forcing all the muscles he's currently using to push against each other, using them to create more resistance in his movements. Like fighting submerged in mud." Ichigo whistled and had to duck a swing at his head from Zangetsu.

'_Bastard's _still_ making me look bad!'_

- 

Unohana thought she was using about fifty percent of her composure to keep from gaping as the orange haired boy stopped the Sokyoku and she believed another twenty-five percent disappeared when a loud juicy crunch came from somewhere from behind her. Turning, she was surprised at how utterly unsurprising it was to see the mysterious blonde Ryoka behind her, munching happily on a large apple. He turned his head towards her raising an eyebrow.

"Apple?" offering her another juicy bright red apple he pulled from within his robes. Unohana licked her lips. Those apples did look really good. She hesitantly took the apple he was offering.

"Where did you get them?" he shrugged.

"Stole them from some orchard."

-

"NOOO! Who has dared to steal the prize winning apples of the Kuchiki Orchard?!"

-

Unohana stifled a small moan as she bit into the juicy and crunch apple. She would have to learn where he got them. Since he was most likely going to die in the next few minutes though, she would have to learn on her own. Life was so troublesome sometimes.

Apparently no one else had noticed that Naruto was actually there up until this point. A sudden gasp was all the warning Naruto had as he ducked an attack from a petite woman with black hair. In the split second that the short captain of the second division hung in the air above him, her mouth open in a snarl, Naruto rammed his half eaten apple into her mouth with enough force to both choke her and send her tumbling.

As Soi-Fon spluttered and coughed up the remains of the apple, she looked up only to be kicked across the face sending her skidding across the plateau. As she once again rose to her feet, she witnessed her blonde attacker move with effortless grace as he dodged attacks from her own vice captain as well as the vice captains of Unohana and Yamamoto. He leaned out of the way of an attack by the silver haired Sasakibe Chojiro, Yamamoto's aide, and grabbed his face. In a show of monstrous strength the blonde Ryoka lifted the vice captain and slammed him head first into the ground with a massive boom. Chojiro was left lying in a large crater, unconscious, and no doubt suffering from a severe concussion and possibly a cracked skull.

While rising from his attack on Chojiro, the Ryoka flipped onto his hands and kicked out with both his feet, driving them deep into Ōmaeda Marechiyo's sizable gut. Doubling over the huge noble, pulling his feet back and tucking up into a ball while still remaining on his hands, he pushed up making his feet connect with Omaeda's chin. The fat man went down like several hundred kilos of bricks. While in mid air, Naruto flipped and landed in a crouch. With a spin he tripped up Kotetsu Isane and stood as she fell, ramming the ridge of his hand into the side of her neck while she was still airborne.

Soi-Fon remained grim. The man was obviously an expert hand-to-hand combatant, and yet she had never seen such an effective cross between a graceful fighting style such as that of her traitorous former Captain Yoruichi, and such brute force like that of the Eleventh division. As she rushed him simultaneously with Captain Kuchiki, he leapt upwards, landing perfectly on the execution stand.

It was then that Ukitake Jushiro and Kyoraku Shunsui, captains of the Thirteenth and Eighth divisions respectively made their move. Ukitake having just arrived, used the Shihoin shield together with Kyoraku to attack and destroy the Sokyoku which had been gearing up for another attack on Ichigo and Rukia.

-

Naruto whistled appreciatively as the massive phoenix exploded after noticing that Rukia was craning her neck to stare wide eyed at him. Naruto decided to speak up about his presence at the execution stand.

"Hell-oooo, Soul Society!" he exclaimed with all the solemn gravity he could muster, which was all destroyed by the mischievous smirk on his face.

"Been a while eh Rukia?" Rukia just continued to gape at the man she had thought she saw die. Naruto noticed a flicker of movement below and believed that the short woman was preparing to attack again.

To both Rukia and Ichigo, Naruto appeared to mutter something under his breath when he flickered and disappeared using Shunpo.

-

Soi-Fon blinked as the blonde Ryoka appeared in front of her with a Shunpo that was considerably faster than her own, both his hands were pointed towards her.

"**SOREN SOKATSUI!" **he bellowed. Soi-Fon and Unohana, who was directly below her dived and used Shunpo respectively to get out of the way of the double barrelled version of Sokatsui. Soi-Fon rushed the Ryoka, hoping to get in a fatal blow before he attacked again. He reappeared above her and shouted out another high level Kido attack

"RAIKOHO!" a massive blast of yellow energy struck the ground where she had been standing. As she once again dived out of the way and rolled to her feet, a strong, muscular arm wrapped itself around her throat. Another arm shot over her shoulder, the palm of its hand pointing directly at Yamamoto.

"Hiryugekizokushintenraiho!" the voice in her ear whispered and one of the most powerful Kido attacks launched itself towards the head captain. The Commander knocked the spell aside with a swing of his sword. The spell, though powerful, was both under powered due to lacking an incantation, and due to being made by an amateur.

She jammed her elbows backwards into the ribs of the Ryoka who backed off before aiming a sharp kick at her legs. She jumped up and kicked out, making him duck. They quickly descended into hand to hand combat. Soi-Fon's impression that he was skilled in hand to hand combat was blown out of the window. It was quite obvious that he was holding back and his style seemed to shift and change almost constantly.

One moment he was fighting with a brutality worthy of Kenpachi, allowing her to land heavy strikes simply so he could land a blow on her in return, and the next he was flowing, leaning, dodging and jumping out of the way of her attacks like his bones were made of water.

Behind them even more was taking place.

-

Ukitake and Kyoraku had fled with Yamamoto hot on their tails. Ichigo, seeing Naruto playing distraction, had attempted to flee with Rukia but ended up passing her on to Renji so he could battle Byakuya. Unohana had collected the injured on the field and taken them back to the 4th division HQ.

A pair of golden eyes watched the fight that was steadily getting more vicious, realising that Naruto could very well kill Soi-Fon if she got him mad enough. Intervention!

Naruto blinked as a blur snatched Soi-Fon away from him. It was obviously Yoruichi taking her former student somewhere to battle. Naruto was not put out in any way, due to there were still battles to be fought. With the exception of Ichigo and Byakuya a short distance away, Naruto realised, he was alone.

"Nuts! What the hell am I going to do now? So many options… Explore, prank, wait here, sleep? Ah screw it, I'm going exploring."

-

Yoruichi was beating Soi-Fon without even the aide of a Zanpakuto, and the rest of the Ryoka were slowly heading towards the execution grounds. Ichigo was slowly but surely ensuring that Byakuya ate all of his arrogant and noble assumptions.

While all this exciting stuff was happening, Naruto was just plain lost. He expressed his opinion of his situation in a way that made a young martial artist trekking through some forgotten forest with a massive backpack, in a dimension far far away, sneeze loudly.

"WHERE AM I NOW?!!"

Huffing in annoyance, he walked through the fancy door in front of him. Beyond that was another long walkway leading to a building sitting in a middle of a lake. The door to this building was barred, or at least partially barred: A huge hole had been smashed through it.

"Now that is interesting!" Increasing his pace, he entered the previously uninteresting building and walked through a large cavern like room to the only source of light. Upon entering yet another doorway he whistled, drawing the attention of the room's sole living occupants.

"That's a lot of dead old guys! What happened here kid?" It amused Naruto that the tall strawberry blonde woman with a bust that reminded him of Hinata once she had grown up turned her head to hide a smirk, while the kid in the captain's outfit frowned deeply.

"What are you doing here Ryoka? Is this monstrosity your doing?" questioned the midget.

"Nah I just got here. I was up at the execution grounds and I got bored. Besides from the smell and the colour of the flesh, these guys have been dead at least a week." Hitsugaya blinked and Rangiku openly gaped as the blonde Ryoka figured out immediately upon entering a room something that had taken the short Captain at least a minute and a half to figure out.

Hitsugaya Toshiro, knowing that not attacking the Ryoka was going against currently issued commands, decided to go against them anyway, as they where most likely issued after the Central Forty-Six were dead.

"Can you tell us anything else?" The Ryoka cocked his head then sniffed deeply. He repeated it a few more times before frowning.

"Funny, this place smells like that sword."

"Sword?" Toshiro asked with a frown.

"Yeah, this sword was stabbed into a wall in a courtyard somewhere. But for some reason, some short cute girl was screaming at it like someone had died. It was really weird."

Toshiro frowned in confusion. The Ryoka was obviously talking about the site of Aizen's murder, but he was acting as he had seen only Aizen's blade but not his body. Why would he think that?

Toshiro was about to ask more in depth questions when a voice interrupted them.

"Captain Hitsugaya, I figured I'd find you here." Naruto looked up to see a small built man with a haircut that reminded him distinctly of his dearest Ino-chan, and of course of that bastard Deidara. Naturally he decided to comment on this.

"I don't like you. You look a lot like one of my wives." The blonde man gave Naruto the appropriate 'WTF' look before he was questioned by Hitsuguya.

"Izuru? Are you the one responsible for this?" Izuru just turned and walked out the door. Toshiro glanced at Naruto who shrugged.

"Go, I'll be fine with the dead guys." Toshiro grimaced, hating to leave the invader alone anywhere, but not having much of a choice. He gestured to Rangiku to follow and took off after Izuru Kira, the Vice Captain to Ichimaru Gin. Just before the cleared the door they heard the Ryoka's voice one last time though it was obvious he was speaking to himself.

"That babe had a _really_ nice set." Toshiro blushed slightly, having thought the same several times himself. Rangiku just grinned, accepting the lewd comment as a compliment.

After giving the corpses another once over, Naruto left to head deeper into the complex. He was well aware there was someone behind him in hiding; he just didn't register them as a threat. It was that short cute girl again.

About five minutes later, Naruto found himself in what was obviously some kind of living quarters for the guys upstairs. Once again sensing someone behind him, he paused to assess the situation.

There were actually two behind him. The girl and that Gin guy who reeked of danger. He did the prudent thing and hid. He watched as the girl was talked to by Gin then another guy turning up, one who apparently had been thought to be dead. He watched the girl approach this Captain Aizen when he just sensed something.

In his life as a ninja, he had developed the several extra senses. Ninja used them to keep themselves alive: One for danger, one for ambushes and traps, one for just plain trouble, one for angry women, and the ultimate version of one for an angry wife. He had also developed a sense that let him know when someone else was about to be attacked. His palms tingling, he moved.

-

Aizen blinked in surprise as his sneak attack on Momo was intercepted by someone else. The young impressionable girl was knocked to the floor as the blade meant for her chest pierced the flesh of another.

Momo gaped. No matter how much her heart wanted to deny it, the attack that was currently piercing the chest of the blonde Ryoka had been for her. She opened her mouth to ask a horrified question when a strong voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Run," she looked up at the blonde Ryoka, his bottomless deep blue eyes boring into her own.

"RUN!" and with that he struck out at Aizen who dodged, removing his blade from the man's chest. Momo stood to flee and had made it to the door when pain erupted from her stomach. Looking down, she easily spotted the blood-covered blade poking through her body. Looking back over he shoulder, Gin gave her a cheery wave before releasing his Shikai, making his extendible blade return to its original form.

Naruto drew his blades and blocked an attack from Aizen. He pressed his blades hard against Aizen's who let out a slight grunt of strain, leaning in close he smirked.

"You're a clever one, Four-Eyes. Plans within plans, eh? I knew someone like you once, and guess what he learned just as his plan was about to come to fruition?" Aizen grinned, enjoying the fact that he was actually being pressed by the strange Ryoka.

"What did he learn?" Aizen's grin was cut off as Naruto head butted him, staggering back his hand went to his bleeding nose incredulously.

"EVERYTHING DIES!" The Ryoka bellowed like an angry lion before attacking with a terrifying ferocity. Aizen was temporarily on his back foot, unable to keep up with such an unpredictable fighting style, coupled with monstrous strength and ferocity. Releasing more of his own carefully hidden reserves, Aizen found it much easier to cope with the Ryoka's attacks until the Ryoka upped his own level in an identical move.

Aizen couldn't help the grin that came onto his face. A brief lull in combat had come upon them, both standing only a few feet from each other.

"I must say I would love to continue this battle. I haven't seen my own blood in many years. But unfortunately, I have somewhere to be and don't want to run late, so if you'll excuse me…" he lowered his blade just as Naruto launched himself at Aizen again.

Naruto grunted as Aizen once again blocked his attack, but the grunt wasn't from the block. It was from Gin's blade that stabbed straight through his side and out the other.

"MOMO!" Came a horrified shout. Naruto glanced over to see the white-haired kid cradling the girl. Using his best 'Command' voice Naruto ordered.

"KID, GET THE GIRL OUT OF HERE!" Instantly responding to the authority in the voice and tone he acted, scooping up Momo and retreating. A roar of pain behind him made him turn. Gin had turned his blade and ripped it out of the Ryoka's front, cutting him in half. His left hand blade deflected another strike as the other went in for an attack on Aizen.

Aizen, tired of the delay, moved with his true speed and strength. He batted aside the clumsy attack and abruptly beheaded the Ryoka.

-

Hitsugaya stared in horror at the dismembered head that lay at his feet. He turned to flee cradling Momo to his chest. He hadn't made it far when the two traitors caught up. Thankfully Unohana Retsu's arrival forestalled any attack on the Captain and his injured friend.

-

Aizen smirked as he held up Naruto's head getting horrified gasps from several throats. He didn't notice Yamamoto, Ukitake or Kyoraku hiding small smiles. His smirk widened at Yoruichi's horrified and broken gaze. He opened his mouth to taunt them when he heard what sounded like hundreds of birds chirping behind him. He turned to investigate when a pained cry drew his attention abruptly. He spun and his eyes rested upon Tosen, who was looking down with his sightless eyes in a vain attempt to see the hand covered with lightning that had been driven through his back and out his chest.

A familiar head poked over the already dying Captain's shoulder.

"Miss me?" Aizen lost his calm and collected demeanour, openly glaring at the killer of his partner in crime. Naruto pulled his arm out of Kaname with a sickening slurp allowing the Captain to fall to the ground, calling out Aizen's name.

Before anyone could move as they were either too shocked, too wounded or just didn't want to help the traitor, Naruto drew his blade and plunged it through the back of Tosen's head. He stood just as Gin's blade extended, cutting him neatly in half. Naruto's torso flew momentarily from his body before a blood red energy leapt from his torso to his legs and drew them back together with a wet splat. The wound was gone in an instant leaving Naruto utterly unharmed.

"That deserves a 'lol'," Naruto just chuckled. Aizen glared hatefully at Naruto before summoning the Negicon from the Menos Grande.

"I don't know what you are, but you will _pay_ for this!" Despite being in the supposedly impenetrable Negacion, something sliced into his cheek. He spotted the slowly falling weapon: an oddly-shaped throwing knife. Somehow it had been thrown through the Negacion. He turned to the only possibly culprit, Naruto.

"I've marked you, boy." was all he said before he turned his back and started to walk towards Yoruichi.

As he was lifted towards the sky, Aizen held a hand to his cut cheek, swearing to make Naruto pay for his impudence. Ukitake called out to him.

"You've joined with the Menos, why would you want to do that?"

"I need to keep reaching for the top" Aizen proclaimed as he removed his glasses and flattened out his hair, making it spike and drastically changing his look.

"Have you become that corrupt, have you?" Barked the normally placid captain, his deep gravely voice giving the words extra menace.

"You're blinded by your self-righteousness. From the beginning, no one has ever stood at the top. Neither you, nor me, nor the gods. But soon that unobtainable vacancy at the top will be filled. From now on, only I will stand at the top. Goodbye Shinigami," Though the words weren't directed at him, he could still here Naruto's smug voice from below.

"So he wants to be a god. Pfft, fought them, killed them before." Aizen suppressed a growl and decided on one more gloating comment.

"Goodbye, Ryoka boy." directing his gaze at Ichigo "I must admit, for a human, you were most entertaining."

With that he disappeared with the rest of the Hollows and Gin, leaving Tosen's body to rot.

-

Unohana arrived to heal the wounded and found an amusing scene. Having been informed that the Ryoka were no longer considered enemies, she had decided to let her fascination for the blonde man to affect her. Having heard he was decapitated and seeing the evidence lying several feet from her, it was needless to say shocking to see him alive and well and being fussed over by Yoruichi. While half-listening to a report from one of her Division's members, she listened in on the blonde's conversation.

"Yoruichi stop it, I'm fine!" Naruto whined making Yoruichi huff in anger.

"I was terrified out of my mind! Why didn't you tell me you could survive decapitation?!" she half-screamed. Naruto just shrugged.

"It's not like it's ever come up. Besides, I wasn't worried; it's happened before. I was fine, just knocked out for a while! that's why I wasn't here sooner." Yoruichi just grumbled before hugging him fiercely and beginning to cry.

At that point, Unohana decided whatever was going to be said between the two would be private.

-

Naruto rocked slowly back and forth cradling, Yoruichi as she got over the shock of having thought him dead. He continued to hold her until the battlefield had been cleared of wounded and...Well, everybody else. Having found that Yoruichi had fallen asleep he lay down as gently as possibly allowing his love to lie gently upon his chest and drifted off into sleep.

-

The following morning, Naruto let off an evil cackle, disturbing many of the Shinigami around him who were already fairly disturbed by what he was doing. You see, Naruto had managed to steal back from the 12th division his head which had been taken for experimentation. He had managed to get away by feeling up the vice captain of said division, shocking her enough to let him escape.

He had subsequently, while not a single bit squeamish, burnt all the flesh off his head, inside and out, cleaned it and now had it resting on his hand while pretending to talk through it. He was thoroughly enjoying the creeped-out looks he was getting when something smashed down hard on his head, making him yelp and sending his skull flying.

He glared at the offender.

Yamamoto merely stared back evenly watching while Naruto retrieved the skull and offered it to him. To the shock of all those watching Yamamoto merely took the skull calmly and nodded to Naruto before continuing on his walk.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the Shinigami, Yamamoto was aware of one of the more peculiar traits of Walkers. They had a habit of finding their own heads after being decapitated and giving them as gifts to people the respected. Yamamoto already had two in his collection. This would make a third.

He had already explained what Naruto was to the rest of his forces. Needless to say Unohana had been greatly put out that the other two Walkers the oldest captains had met, who she had known, had never revealed their uniqueness to her. She had known they were fairly strange, possibly insane given some of their antics, but she hadn't suspected them of being any different from other Shinigami.

The first, named Logan, had disappeared shortly after Yamamoto established the academy. Marcus had disappeared about four hundred years ago with only the cryptic message 'time to move on' his only explanation.

The reactions varied. Byakuya had reluctantly admitted that even had he known about Naruto's abilities he probably would have fallen to him. Kenpachi just wanted to fight him. Kurotsuchi had wanted him for experimentation, having been enraged at losing the skull.

The other captains had been shocked. Said knowledge had spread to the lieutenants and subsequently within a matter of hours the entire Soul Society knew. Though as with such things the facts were twisted. The Eleventh division heard Naruto was some kind god of war, while the Third heard he was a demon. The fifth believed he was an immortal Shinigami who had been in hiding for millennia, and the Seventh thought he was some kind of monster.

Naruto found the range of reactions endlessly amusing, the looks ranging from awed, to wary, to a kind of respectful wonder and downright fear were a source of great amusement.

Naruto had learned they would be in Soul Society for little over a week, and as such he had time to kill.

He smirked.

It was time to have some fun.

Life was awesome.

-

**FINISHED!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!**

**And I know what you****'re going to say, "I know what happened to you was tough man but it was about damn time you got off your fat white ass, Joe." **

**And you know what...you'd be right. Well****, thanks for reading hope you enjoyed it, and I can't wait to see you again on here whenever I update next. When that will be? Even god is powerful enough to know.**

**Editor's Note: He's right, I DON'T know! ;)**


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